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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Oh Man, I have been dealing with a very annoying MIL who is under the impression that she is going to be in my house with me every second when my child is born! w t f ??? She calls every hour and asks " when is the baby coming" Like I know! Geeze, she called today and wanted to know what my doctor said to me about my exam!!! That is none of her business! Also, She is not my mother! My own mother does not harass me about these things. She decided to take all of next week off and said how lucky i was that she will be off to be with me and the baby! I think not, First of all, I need to bond with my baby, and she makes me very uncomfortable, I can not be comfortable trying to bF with her right there! My mother is a different thing, she is my mom, and I asked her to please take off and be with me during the first week, as She is very comforting and I am very close with her, not to mention that I don't mind her seeing my breast. My Mother in Law needs to back off, of we are going to have a real problem! I know that she is divorced and has no life, but she is not entitled to encroach on mine. UGH! Ok, once again, sorry about the BIG vent, but I don't need this stress, I have actually spent nights not able to sleep because of the anxiety this women gives me...
ETA: It is not that I don't want her to be with her grandchild, but I want her to know when to give me my space and go home... I only have 8 - 10 weeks to bond with my baby before I go back to work...
Message edited 4/14/2008 2:03:30 PM.
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Posted 4/14/08 1:56 PM  |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
 I hope it get's better for you. Is this her first grandchild?
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:03 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by littlejoy06
I hope it get's better for you. Is this her first grandchild?
yes first grandchild on both sides.
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:05 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
DH needs to help tame her! Its great that she wants to be so involved but you make good and valid points.
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:15 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
I know exactly how you feel. Have you told your DH that you don't want her there?
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:15 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
and may i add...
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:15 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by 1stimemom
DH needs to help tame her! Its great that she wants to be so involved but you make good and valid points.
I agree, I called him at work today after she made her info seeking missle message to me,lol and told him that he needs to tell her to relax!!! Her reminding me every 2 seconds that I am stilll not in labor is not helping, lol! He said he will talk to her.... I hope it works, He has a tendancy to blow up at her because she is soooooo dense sometimes and just does not get it, she is relentless, lol!
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:18 PM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
I have no advice other than what the PP said, to have DH politely ask her to give you guys some time to bond together as a family.
But I did want to give you
My MIL is not annoying me but my mother is!!!
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| Posted 4/14/08 2:48 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
I can relate to you and your MIL stories.
#1...Caller ID is your friend. Use it wisely!
#2...When you come home from the hospital, you don't need a friggen party at your house. This is your time to relax and bond with the baby. Have your dh call her and tell her that you need some time alone with the baby. When the time is right, he/you will call for her to come over.
Does she know that your mom is going to be there in the beginning?
IF she decides to stop by unannounced...don't answer the door.
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| Posted 4/14/08 3:04 PM |
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Lichi
what what!?
Member since 5/05 4206 total posts
Name:
Lissette
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
It is definitely not wrong that she's so excited about this experience, but you are not wrong in setting some boundaries. It might be best to have DH talk to her, but I'm not so sure if he might blow up at her. I don't think she would misunderstand if either of you would politely let her know that you need your space during the birth of your child. Sometimes grandparents need to be reminded that though it's their grandchild, there someone else in the mix that more importantly needs to create a special bond with their grandchild... but you must say, because she'll then never know that she's over-stepping her boundaries.
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| Posted 4/14/08 3:04 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by Lichi
It is definitely not wrong that she's so excited about this experience, but you are not wrong in setting some boundaries. It might be best to have DH talk to her, but I'm not so sure if he might blow up at her. I don't think she would misunderstand if either of you would politely let her know that you need your space during the birth of your child. Sometimes grandparents need to be reminded that though it's their grandchild, there someone else in the mix that more importantly needs to create a special bond with their grandchild... but you must say, because she'll then never know that she's over-stepping her boundaries.
I agree.
I would also add that I'm jealous that you have a MIL who is so interested in her grandchild. My MIL never gave a rats a$$ about her grandkids.
Good luck and hang in there!
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| Posted 4/14/08 3:07 PM |
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Mama2Jennah
LIF Infant
Member since 11/07 258 total posts
Name:
Noha
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Oh boy, I feel your pain! Maybe your DH shuld speak to her nicely about backing off a bit?!
Hang in there! Good luck!!
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| Posted 4/14/08 3:23 PM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
I can see how her feelings are going to be hurt in all of this. I think it's one thing if, for the first week or so, it's just going to be you and DH. But if she finds out that your mom will be there that week, and MIL wasn't invited, she's going to be upset--and she'll probably vent to DH, and DH will feel stuck in the middle...I think you get where I'm going here.
I'm newly pregnant, so I'm just starting to think about this stuff...but I do think that you need to be fair on both sides, even though there's more closeness with your mom.
But then again, I'm an "avoid all conflict" type of person. I just feel that your first few days home, you won't need the drama. Either invite both of them (and ask MIL to leave the room when you are BFing), or tell them both to wait a week so the 3 of you can "bond". This way, everyone's on even keel and there will be no resentment or hurt feelings.
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| Posted 4/14/08 3:50 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by Stefanie
I can relate to you and your MIL stories.
#1...Caller ID is your friend. Use it wisely!
#2...When you come home from the hospital, you don't need a friggen party at your house. This is your time to relax and bond with the baby. Have your dh call her and tell her that you need some time alone with the baby. When the time is right, he/you will call for her to come over.
Does she know that your mom is going to be there in the beginning?
IF she decides to stop by unannounced...don't answer the door.
 I love caller ID!!! It has been my best friend today! 
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| Posted 4/14/08 4:51 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by Lichi
It is definitely not wrong that she's so excited about this experience, but you are not wrong in setting some boundaries. It might be best to have DH talk to her, but I'm not so sure if he might blow up at her. I don't think she would misunderstand if either of you would politely let her know that you need your space during the birth of your child. Sometimes grandparents need to be reminded that though it's their grandchild, there someone else in the mix that more importantly needs to create a special bond with their grandchild... but you must say, because she'll then never know that she's over-stepping her boundaries.
I agree whole heartedly. It is so fustrating to be so encroached on... I am happy that she is so excited, and I want her to have a wonderful relationship with her grandchild...But unfortunatly she has no idea about boundaries...Your right, we have to set them now...Part of the reason I have told DH to not say to much to his mom, is because he get so fustrated with her, and SCREAMS at her, and I don't want her grandma experience to be ruined, but More importantly right now is my bonding experience with my baby, so I have to ask him to please be patient but firm with his mom...now what happens when I have to tell her to back off, I hope I can take my own advice, lol!!!!!!
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| Posted 4/14/08 4:55 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by bicosi
I agree.
I would also add that I'm jealous that you have a MIL who is so interested in her grandchild. My MIL never gave a rats a$$ about her grandkids.
Good luck and hang in there!
That stinks too, No extreme is ever a good thing. My grandparents were like that too... I hardly had grandparents, my dad's parents died when I was too young to remember, and My mom's parents couldn't speak english and we did not speak spanish, so they only took intrest in the grand kids that did... that is no good either, We need a happy medium!
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| Posted 4/14/08 4:58 PM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by MrsRivera
I can see how her feelings are going to be hurt in all of this. I think it's one thing if, for the first week or so, it's just going to be you and DH. But if she finds out that your mom will be there that week, and MIL wasn't invited, she's going to be upset--and she'll probably vent to DH, and DH will feel stuck in the middle...I think you get where I'm going here.
I'm newly pregnant, so I'm just starting to think about this stuff...but I do think that you need to be fair on both sides, even though there's more closeness with your mom.
But then again, I'm an "avoid all conflict" type of person. I just feel that your first few days home, you won't need the drama. Either invite both of them (and ask MIL to leave the room when you are BFing), or tell them both to wait a week so the 3 of you can "bond". This way, everyone's on even keel and there will be no resentment or hurt feelings.
See, she knows that my mom is going to be there, I did not keep that to myself because I did not want her to feel like we were trying to make my mom supergrand ma, and her not, but my mom is not there soley for grandma reasons, she is there for MOM reasons. My MIL is welcome to come everyday from day one, but she needs to know that visiting is not an all day affair, and that bf and mother baby bonding is, and I need space. that is my major problem with her...
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| Posted 4/14/08 5:02 PM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Ugh Mimi!! I am sorry that you are dealing with this stress. I would talk to the hubbs and tell him to straighten her out. It needs to be crystal clear before the little man arrives that she will not be staying with you to help take care of him! That your Mom will be. Lay down the law girl or else she will give you even more stress once  is here! Good luck!!
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| Posted 4/14/08 5:05 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Then if she's going to be there from day one, excuse yourself when you're nursing, go to another room and close the door.
Do the same thing when you're tired.
Hopefully she'll get the hint and then go home.
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| Posted 4/14/08 6:12 PM |
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Karebaby
Precious
Member since 10/06 5304 total posts
Name:
Karyn
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by Stefanie
I can relate to you and your MIL stories.
#1...Caller ID is your friend. Use it wisely!
#2...When you come home from the hospital, you don't need a friggen party at your house. This is your time to relax and bond with the baby. Have your dh call her and tell her that you need some time alone with the baby. When the time is right, he/you will call for her to come over.
Does she know that your mom is going to be there in the beginning?
IF she decides to stop by unannounced...don't answer the door.
AGREED!
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| Posted 4/14/08 6:18 PM |
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shazza211
My life is complete
Member since 9/07 1580 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by Stefanie
Then if she's going to be there from day one, excuse yourself when you're nursing, go to another room and close the door.
Do the same thing when you're tired.
Hopefully she'll get the hint and then go home.
My Grandma gave me the same advice because I also have an overbearing MIL who does not know when to back off. She told me when I want to nurse or just get away,to excuse myself and take the baby to another room to nurse and hopefully she'd get the hint that her time was up.
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| Posted 4/14/08 9:27 PM |
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msbree825
whole lotta cute...
Member since 1/08 1242 total posts
Name:
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
omg, i feel your pain. my mil can be very sweet and helpful, and at other times very overbearing and tries to control things. this is my 1st baby, and her 4th grandchild, so she is an expert at stuff in her mind. i am afraid she will come here when the baby comes home and try and take over, knowing that i am clueless about a newborn, and will try and do everything her way. i know i am going to be a new mom, learning as i go along, but, i really want to have time for me to bond with my lil one without her trying to tell me how to do stuff. dh is experienced since he has children already from a prev marriage. my mom is no longer with us, which is hard enough for me not to be able to share her 1st grandchild with her. i am dreading that time in a way, because i dont want to argue with her, but want my space too and not 24 hours of visitors. its going to be tough, i know!
Message edited 4/15/2008 10:27:06 AM.
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| Posted 4/15/08 10:26 AM |
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MommyMcg
LIF Infant
Member since 9/07 148 total posts
Name:
Mimi
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
Posted by msbree825
omg, i feel your pain. my mil can be very sweet and helpful, and at other times very overbearing and tries to control things. this is my 1st baby, and her 4th grandchild, so she is an expert at stuff in her mind. i am afraid she will come here when the baby comes home and try and take over, knowing that i am clueless about a newborn, and will try and do everything her way. i know i am going to be a new mom, learning as i go along, but, i really want to have time for me to bond with my lil one without her trying to tell me how to do stuff. dh is experienced since he has children already from a prev marriage. my mom is no longer with us, which is hard enough for me not to be able to share her 1st grandchild with her. i am dreading that time in a way, because i dont want to argue with her, but want my space too and not 24 hours of visitors. its going to be tough, i know!
Oh man! It really does stink! I know that the anxiety of even thinking about all the possibilities makes me nuts! I hope we both can find a way to nicely get the point across that this is OUR time not Grandma's time, and that Our boundaries need to be respected. : for us both! lol
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| Posted 4/15/08 10:31 AM |
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Re: Very Annoying MIL!!! Vent!!!
My mil sounds exactly like yours!! She knows about every one of my appointments, I have been seeing my doc weekly since 22 weeks, and she calls after every appointment and wants a word for word recap of what happened.
I know its just because she is so excited, and wants to be involved, but it is a little hard to handle, she can be very overbearing.
Why dont you talk to her? If your husband blows up at her, it wont help anyone. I am very very close with my mom, and I told my mil weeks ago that I want my mom to stay with me the first few weeks, and that after my mom leaves, then if she would like to come visit she is welcome to. I let everyone know, my parents, his parents, our siblings, that I do not under any circumstances want to be entertaining guests the first few weeks after Spencer is born. Everyone is welcome to visit for a weekend or so, but one at a time. If they absolutely have to visit when the baby is first born, there is a holiday inn and a hilton 5 mins up the road. I also straight out told my mom and my mil that this is my baby, and I will do what I want, and they should keep their opinions to themselves unless I ask for help. You need to decide what is important to you, and what you want for the first few weeks, and then tell everyone that. This is your baby, you need to do what makes you happy and comfortable, everyone will understand. I thought everyone was going to take me as a b*tch for saying what I did, but they didnt, everyone said they totally understand what I mean, and so far so good, everyone is respecting my wishes. Good luck!
Message edited 4/15/2008 10:49:53 AM.
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| Posted 4/15/08 10:45 AM |
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