Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Is anyone experiencing a husband/partner etc. that does NOT want to attend birth classes; read the books; watch the DVDs?

Can I just vent for a moment…

I’m a FTM; never experienced labor before; I only really know what to expect from friends IRL have told me their stories or what I’ve researched online or on LIF. Ideally I’d love to have a natural un-medicated birth. DH has always said that he supports my decision to do so BUT he’s unwilling to take the classes to prepare us and or read books for ways that he can help during the labor. He argues that he will be supportive for me; and know what to do in the moment and he doesn’t need the classes/books to tell him what to do. That IF I really want to take a class he will go but he won’t be into and probably won’t pay attention or even retain anything so I’d basically be wasting our money.

I literally am in tears about it saying to him that he’s never been through it before so he DOESN’T know what to expect and how to face each obstacle of labor. If I’m trying to work through a contraction; and maybe can’t really speak at that moment to TELL him what to do; he’s not going to instinctually know to rub my back; apply a pressure point; maybe suggest I rock back and forth or whatever we could possibly learn in the class. Instead what if what he thinks he knows to do to help doesn’t really work; and only frustrates me more or makes me even more uncomfortable. My plan was to take a class; read the books and be fully prepared with the tools to successfully manage my pain. But I don’t think it’s going to be effective if I’m doing it on my own.

It’s so frustrating and I just feel at this point like throwing in the towel for even trying to learn to manage my pain without drugs since I don’t have the support to get through it. I can have all the confidence in myself and arm myself with the tools but how successful will I be in applying everything during the heat of the moment when most likely everything I read/learned starts flying out the window?

Message edited 8/16/2012 2:26:56 PM.

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH hasn't been into reading the books, but he's definitely coming to the classes and he's excited for it.

I'd give it some time and then try to have a conversation with your husband when there are no distractions. He may or may not find the classes helpful, but he won't know until he's in the moment, right? Explain to him that the classes don't just teach him when to rub your back or how to help you breathe. They also explain what's happening to you and to the baby. There are CPR classes that can save your child's life. Maybe you can compromise with him on taking some classes and skipping the books, for instance?

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH would have never gone to the classes LOL but I got him to watch the important parts of the DVDs.

When I was in labor, I was able to tell him what I wanted him to do (absolutely nothing) and the nurses helped too! ("I think you should get away from her.")

Message edited 8/16/2012 2:26:45 PM.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

THANKS for the tips!! He finally just said he would "skim" through one of the books I have. I just want him to have some knowlege going into the labor. Even if it's just to know everything that's going on so we're not going into this blindly.

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Posted by GioiaMia

My DH would have never gone to the classes LOL but I got him to watch the important parts of the DVDs.

When I was in labor, I was able to tell him what I wanted him to do (absolutely nothing) and the nurses helped too! ("I think you should get away from her.")

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Kind of similar...I also want DH to understand what I'm going through during the stages of labor but he's not interested in reading those chapters or taking a childbirth class, which makes me nervous...but he says he's fully supportive just like your DH.

DH went with me to CPR, baby basics and even breastfeeding classes, which he said was really helpful. We didn't sign up for childbirth/labor classes but I am considering it last minute.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH didnt read a single book, nore did I though. We took one class and I had to drag him there and once we took the class I wish I had listened to him and skipped it.

No matter what you do to prepare you can never really be prepared. Anything can happen. And the day of the nurses and Drs give you all the directions you need.

I would not push him on it too much and maybe see if he will go to one class.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Thanks so much everyone!! I really thought everyone just took a class and their husband was on board to do it with them...guess DH isn't beeing that much of an a#s.

I just wanted him to be more into the whole experience.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

We took a class together and DH was amazing and supportive. You can't really attend the class without paying attention. It's a hands-on sort of thing. Parts you can sleep through don't matter as much. If he agrees (even reluctantly) to go to the class, go with him and he will learn, like it or not.

DH got one book and he sorta read a little of it. It wasn't about L&D but about the newborn. No books helped prepare us anyway for having a newborn. It was always on the fly learning.

Sorry he's frustrating you. The nurse in L&D was AMAZING and I got through an unmedicated birth. DH was great too as far as encouraging me went. I kept saying I couldn't do it and he kept saying I could. He got me a cool wash cloth for my forehead when I needed it. He looked down there and saw DD's head of hair peeking out my hooha when I was crowning (I still give him props for that!!!!) -- I didn't want a mirror and didn't want to see what was going on down there at all!!!!

Some stuff is just instinctive. I'm sure if you're crying out "help me" and "I can't do it" he'll say the right thing.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH is all on board with going to a class with me since we are both new at this.

he does not want to read books though however i started to print out weekly updates that i get emailed to me saying what is going on with the baby and my body and he is interested in reading those and even refers to them! Maybe DH is just taken back at the thought of a large book to read but may be open to the idea of o2 paragraphs a week

i also think DH will get more involved once we are further along...it is still early and he still may be thinking it is so surreal.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

i've read the book what to expect when your expecting, but i don't think i will be reading any of the other books or taking any classes. DH wouldn't go anyway. I would assume all the nurses & doctors will give me enough instructions to get by the day of

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

When I was pregnant with DS, DH had no interest in taking a class. We rented the laugh and learn DVD's from the library and watched them in the evenings when we both had some time. He found it very helpful and he was the one telling me what to do when I went into labor

But if your DH really is opposed to it, then he is likely right... you will go into labor, he will call the dr and you will drive to the hospital. It really isn't that much more than that... the rest is helpful but not necessary. Don't stress about it too much!

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH didn't read any books with my first or this one, I never took classes but pretty sure he would have come w me if he could.
His works schedule is crazy so he can't even go to appts with me, he only goes to "important" ones , like NT scan and anatomy scan, that's it. It was the same when I was pregnant with DD.
It doesn't bother me though, everyone is different...

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

DH hasn't read any books, but I will read out loud parts of the book to share with him and he is always interested.
He def wants to come to any classes that I attend. I think Labor and Delivery scares him so I think he wants to be prepared, lol.

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

My DH was basically the same. We did go to one Lamaze class but it was pretty much a waste of time for both of us. I had hoped for an unmedicated birth but I fully admit I didn't prepare nearly enough. I would do all the research you can, learn meditation tips and techniques that you can to help yourself through. You can't make him learn what he's unwilling to. Would hiring a doula be a possibility?

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Dh hasn't read a book nor did I him too. But we did go to a few classes. I think the labor and delivery class was very good and informative. Did he really want to go? No. But he went, enjoyed himself (the instructor was entertaining) and learned alot.

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

DH skimmed one book, and we didn't take any classes.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

We're not taking any classes just bc DH wouldn't be able to go because we couldn't find any that worked w his crazy work schedule. But I did buy a couple books on the Bradley method because I also want to try for a natural birth. My DH said he was willing to read the books but he's so busy that I could tell he only got around to the beginning and then kind of forgot to go back to them. So to help him out since there is a lot of unnecessary info in the books that he doesnt need to read, I just put post its on important pages that focus on things I want him to know like techniques for rubbing my back, how important it is to keep me calm and comfortable, etc. I even got out my highlighter for really important parts. That way he was able to skim those parts very quickly and I figure we can bring the book to the hospital so he'll have a quick and easy reference and won't have to stumble through the whole book at the last minute getting overwhelmed. I know my way probably sounds pretty nerdy though

Message edited 8/17/2012 3:16:45 AM.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

DH did not read any books or attend any classes when I was pregnant with DS. While I was in labor the nurses where great, and helped us along the way.

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

I'm not taking any classes and I can't even stand to read the books, forget about my DH

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Maybe as it gets closer he'll be more willing to participate. If the plan is all natural, definitely consider hiring a doula, this way, regardless of your DH you'll have great support (she may also be able to help work on your DH too). My brother was like that with my sister-in-law, I think it all made him too anxious. They took a hypnobirthing class, but I think he missed most of the classes for "work". So frustrating! My brother did step up to the plate when she was in labor though :)

Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

Dh came with me to one class...breastfeeding. Well before we left, he was bringing out a garbage bag and i told him to double bag it because there was a ton of liquid in it. He leaked stuff all over the floors including a chicken marinade so I flipped out (hormones, he almost made us late, I was just cranky). Well at breastfeeding class, he sends me a text as the lady is talking about leaky nipples...text says, "keep your leaky nipples off the floor" so needless to say I burst out laughing in the middle of class, making myself look like an idiot because there was a picture of boobs leaking on the screen. That was our one and only class. I figured I would know what to do while in labor, which I did, but needed a csection anyway.

Message edited 8/17/2012 11:14:30 AM.

Re: Vent...how supportive is your DH w/classes etc?

During my first pregnancy dh and I went to childbirth questions. He loved it where as in the end it was a waste of time for me. I didn't use any of the breathing techniques what relieved me during contractions was holding on the side rail of the hospital bed!

I know you are not going to like what I'm about to say but I wouldn't really push the issue! Just like we have a lot going on and hormones are out of wack during pregnancy they go through things as well. Hopefully he will come around when he's ready.