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UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

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LIF Zygote

Member since 8/13

9 total posts

Name:

UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

Today is the party. I sat in tears for a little bit realizing that my children are being deprived and excluded from building bonds and memories with their many cousins. It's sad to me. I sent a letter to them again last night, as a way for me to close out this ordeal and attempt to move forward. Here is a copy of the letter:

Hi Guys,
I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to your email. I've given it so much thought over the past week. I have to say that it is hurtful to me that after everything that has been discussed, my children are still the only ones excluded. If your decision was based on a straight forward fear of a vaccine preventable disease, then they would not be the only ones alienated. I know that there is no malice behind your decision, but I honestly feel that we have been unnecessarily discriminated against based solely on our philosophy. My children have been exposed to these diseases at the same exact rate that every single person at that party has been. They are no more a carrier than anyone else. The theoretical difference is, that my kids may not be able to fight it off whereas others may have some degree of immunity. But for a certain amount of time, anyone who is exposed can be carriers while the body is defending itself. It's hard for me be understanding about the exclusion of 2 family members when their absence does little to protect your newborn. She is still at risk for a vaccine preventable disease and for other illnesses, as she will be in the presence of undervaccinated children, adults without boosters and people who may be sick but not yet symptomatic. So, sadly, I will respect your wishes. I fully understand your need to do what you think is best for your baby. We would have loved to celebrate your mom's birthday with her and the family. I sincerely hope you all have a great time. And even more, I hope that we can work through this issue together in a way that we are all comfortable with.

My Husband immediately received a text message saying that I upset his wife again, a lot and to stop sending attacking emails. We are both just so hurt that our family could do this to us.

Anyway...just wanted to post an update since so many of you may be in this situation in the future...regardless of what side of the vaccination issue you are on.

Message edited 8/10/2013 5:21:09 PM.

Posted 8/5/13 7:49 PM
 
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Leb
LIF Adult

Member since 12/09

4166 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I could be wrong but I believe all children vaccinated or not can be carriers for sicknesses.

I think this sounds pretty ridiculous.

Posted 8/5/13 8:03 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19411 total posts

Name:
L

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I am sorry that you are offended, but I think the people who are having the party have a right to do what they did. As for you and your husband, blood titters would show whether you are vaccinated. You would likely wash your hands as well. They can't count on the fact that a young child would understand not to touch a young baby. My friend just had a newborn baby a week ago. DH and I went to visit and we left our children at home. Both of my kids are 100% up to date on vaccinations (and I spread them out over multiple visits and delayed the MMR) but FWIW I still would not risk bringing my kids around a new baby like that. The risk is just too great IMO. I feel badly that you are offended, but when you take a stand for something (vaccines/non-vaccines) you have to deal with the consequences of your actions or in this case inaction.

Posted 8/5/13 8:32 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2474 total posts

Name:

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

That's awful!! And yes the above poster is correct, all children can be carriers..their vaccination status does not make a difference.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I would say encourage them to speak to their ped about it. I mean what else can you really do? I'm glad your brother stood up for you and your family!

Posted 8/5/13 8:33 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2474 total posts

Name:

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

double post.

Message edited 8/5/2013 8:33:21 PM.

Posted 8/5/13 8:33 PM
 

MegZee
My bunny

Member since 5/06

8777 total posts

Name:
Meaghan

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I would not feel comfortable with a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old who are unvaccinated around my newborn.

Your children might have fabulous immune systems, but the newborn likely does not.

Just as I am sure you want people to respect your decision to choose not to vaccinate, the newborns parents have a right to not want your children in close proximity to their newborn and you should respect that.

Posted 8/5/13 8:41 PM
 

Leb
LIF Adult

Member since 12/09

4166 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by MegZee

I would not feel comfortable with a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old who are unvaccinated around my newborn.

Your children might have fabulous immune systems, but the newborn likely does not.

Just as I am sure you want people to respect your decision to choose not to vaccinate, the newborns parents have a right to not want your children in close proximity to their newborn and you should respect that.



But the OP noted that there will be other children under the age of 1.5 who are also not fully vax. Plus fully vax children can still carry diseases on them just as much as a child who isn't.

Parents definitely have the right, but seems they're uneducated about how vax children can be carriers the same way a child who isn't.

I think they just don't understand and are trying to protect their baby. Vaccines are not 100p. My baby cousin got German measles even though she had her mmr. Sometimes it doesn't work fully.

Posted 8/5/13 8:48 PM
 

MegZee
My bunny

Member since 5/06

8777 total posts

Name:
Meaghan

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by Leb

Posted by MegZee

I would not feel comfortable with a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old who are unvaccinated around my newborn.

Your children might have fabulous immune systems, but the newborn likely does not.

Just as I am sure you want people to respect your decision to choose not to vaccinate, the newborns parents have a right to not want your children in close proximity to their newborn and you should respect that.



But the OP noted that there will be other children under the age of 1.5 who are also not fully vax. Plus fully vax children can still carry diseases on them just as much as a child who isn't.

Parents definitely have the right, but seems they're uneducated about how vax children can be carriers the same way a child who isn't.

I think they just don't understand and are trying to protect their baby. Vaccines are not 100p. My baby cousin got German measles even though she had her mmr. Sometimes it doesn't work fully.



You are right, vaccines are not 100% protection, but no vaccine is 0%, IMO.

If you are trying to say the odds of catching a preventable illness that is currently offered a vaccination from a child who is vaccinated vs a child who isn't is the same, I'd love to see data on that.

Posted 8/5/13 8:56 PM
 

MAC222
LIF Adult

Member since 12/08

3860 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Well no 18 month old is fully vaccinated. She prob meant they are up to date on their immunizations.

As for her telling you to get a sitter, I wouldn't go at all. I can't say she is wrong, or right. Its her kids and thats just how she feels. Personally, if she is nervous about your kids being around her 2 month old, she she be nervous about any kids. And target shopping carts, and the germs her older kids may bring home from camp, school, playdates, etc.

Posted 8/5/13 9:03 PM
 

walkintomymind
LIF Adolescent

Member since 6/10

806 total posts

Name:
Sarah

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I think she is being a little ridiculous.

I understand the concern. If this is her first child, especially, she may be a little weary and undereducated about vaccines...BUT, she can keep your kids away for this party, but she could be using a shopping cart that is exposed to all sorts of stuff, she could be waiting on line at the grocery store with a somehow infected child/person breathing all over her baby.

I'd be upset. I'm happy your brother is standing up for you.

Posted 8/5/13 9:06 PM
 

Strawberry2468
It's summatime

Member since 3/09

4739 total posts

Name:
Christine

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I don't get it. Do the other vaccinated children invited have some secret common cold and foolproof flu vaccine? I'm no vaccine expert, but I doubt your kids are carriers for hep b or MMR. so silly. I bet the real reason is just to stick it to you about the tiff you guys had.

Posted 8/5/13 9:12 PM
 

MommyX3
LIF Infant

Member since 5/13

126 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

This is a tough one. I chose a slightly delayed schedule but am up to date at one year old. I had originally intended to delay mmr but my inlaws live in borough park Brooklyn which has had several measles outbreaks in recent years due to unvaccinated children. i ultimately decided to suck it up, held my breath and did it. So on the one hand I appreciate every parents right to make decisions about their kids health.

However I was just recently on the flip side. 5 days after my triplets first birthday I got a call the DH's friend's unvaccinated child, who was ALL OvER the babies, had chicken pox. And I admit I was frustrated and furious that because of another parents' decision about their kids' health, I could now have to deal with the hell of caring for three babies with chicken pox - like having triplets isn't hard enough. What calmed me down was that they are hearty healthy one year olds. If they were newborns, I would have bugged out.

So I kind of see both points. I hope that offered some perspective.

Eta- my ped does varivax at 13 mos, so my guys were scheduled to get it the following week.

Message edited 8/5/2013 9:34:44 PM.

Posted 8/5/13 9:23 PM
 

nycgirl
Angels!

Member since 3/09

7721 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.

Posted 8/5/13 9:35 PM
 

2BadSoSad
LIF Adult

Member since 8/12

6790 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I think it is a double edged sword. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating your children, they feel the same about BEING vaccinated. I think if you chose to not vaccinate, which is certainly a personal decision, you are going to face others personal feelings on this as well. Just as you have the right to decide what is best for your children, they do as well.

Posted 8/5/13 9:45 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2474 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by nycgirl

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.



Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.



Posted 8/5/13 9:54 PM
 

mlny
blessed <3

Member since 10/09

2113 total posts

Name:
M

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

This is crazy!

Posted 8/5/13 9:59 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7584 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I would not want unvaccinated kids around my newborn either.

Nobody wants their kids to not be welcome some place, especially a family event, so I can see why you are hurt. However, this is the choice you have made for your children and the reaction of your family is just fall out of that choice.

Posted 8/5/13 10:10 PM
 

Jacksmommy
My love muffin!

Member since 1/07

5819 total posts

Name:
Liz

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by schmora15

Posted by nycgirl

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.



Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.





But having some vaccination is better than none at all!

Posted 8/5/13 10:10 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2474 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by Jacksmommy

Posted by schmora15

Posted by nycgirl

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.



Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.





But having some vaccination is better than none at all!



They have no effect whatsoever on the germs you child carries. You still have wash hands, eat healthy...vacc/unvacc kids breath the same air and touch the same dirty things.

Posted 8/5/13 10:17 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2474 total posts

Name:

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

*your

Posted 8/5/13 10:18 PM
 

itsbabytime
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

9619 total posts

Name:
Me

.........

......

Message edited 9/27/2013 9:27:51 PM.

Posted 8/5/13 10:19 PM
 

nycgirl
Angels!

Member since 3/09

7721 total posts

Name:

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by Jacksmommy

Posted by schmora15

Posted by nycgirl

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.



Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.





But having some vaccination is better than none at all!



And they are much less likely if vaccinated. Especially diseases like chicken pox, measels and pertussis. All deadly in newborns. Nothing is ever 100%, but why take the risk? I'm assuming they are hosting the party?

Sorry, I'd do the same. I insisted on all care providers getting a DTAP booster.

Posted 8/5/13 10:26 PM
 

stargazerlily
LIF Adolescent

Member since 12/11

706 total posts

Name:
Lara

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by MegZee

I would not feel comfortable with a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old who are unvaccinated around my newborn.

Your children might have fabulous immune systems, but the newborn likely does not.

Just as I am sure you want people to respect your decision to choose not to vaccinate, the newborns parents have a right to not want your children in close proximity to their newborn and you should respect that.



this exactly

Posted 8/5/13 10:29 PM
 

Kidsaplenty
Sister love

Member since 2/06

5971 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by Jacksmommy

Posted by schmora15

Posted by nycgirl

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.



Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.





But having some vaccination is better than none at all!



You can still carry the virus on your hands, vaccinated or not. Vaccines are not some magic bubble that prevents a virus or bacteria from living on your skin.

Posted 8/5/13 10:50 PM
 

alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!

Member since 5/09

18388 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Posted by FirstMate

I would not want unvaccinated kids around my newborn either.

Nobody wants their kids to not be welcome some place, especially a family event, so I can see why you are hurt. However, this is the choice you have made for your children and the reaction of your family is just fall out of that choice.



I agree with this.

Posted 8/6/13 5:42 AM
 
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