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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by DancinBarefoot
Posted by Laraaidan
Ita! It does start somewhere! 4,5,9 who cares. When a kid is rude and targets the same child or children thats a bully in my eyes.
The problem with thinking rude behavior is bullying, is that actually bullying then gets ignored.
Bullying is a pattern of negative behavior normally directed toward one specific child. It is not being rude, or disrespectful. In girls, bullying is very different. Often it manifests itself by a group of girls excluding one individual girl. AKA - the "mean" girls. It is not one girl, on one day, saying I don't want to play with you. It could be one girl, every day telling the same girl, I don't want to play with you. Social isolation and exclusion are very often overlooked by adults, or not perceived as bullying. It's a scary world out there for our kids, and social media and the inability to get away from name calling etc is making it far worse than it was when I was growing up.
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Posted 10/22/17 3:17 PM  |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Speaking of bullying
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
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| Posted 10/22/17 3:21 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
100%.
My sil used to let her 12 year old DD dress like an utter hooch, rroam all over the neighborhood with friends unsupervised to all hours and be all over social media. The child ended up having some major issues too.
When my DH (her brother) questioned her about it her answer was...well everyone is dressing that way....everyone has phones and social media accts etc.
Why?
If everyone was letting their 12 year old go drink in bars and smoke too would you?
Seems like weak parenting to me.
Message edited 10/22/2017 3:39:13 PM.
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| Posted 10/22/17 3:38 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
100%.
My sil used to let her 12 year old DD dress like an utter hooch, rroam all over the neighborhood with friends unsupervised to all hours and be all over social media. The child ended up having some major issues too.
When my DH (her brother) questioned her about it her answer was...well everyone is dressing that way....everyone has phones and social media accts etc.
Why?
If everyone was letting their 12 year old go drink in bars and smoke too would you?
Seems like weak parenting to me.
Yup!! Maybe the "in" thing to do would be to say NO to your kids. If more parents said no, the phones, hoochie clothes, etc. would the exception, not the norm.
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| Posted 10/22/17 3:59 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
For all those directing their posts to me, it is REPEATED. and it is TARGETED.
Im done here. I stand by saying it stems from the parents.
I find it ironic that you blame the parents and state that your child would never act like that yet in two separate posts, you characterize a 4 year old as a spoiled brat and a snot nose kid. I understand being upset and wanting to protect your child, but there's no need to call a child names whether it's to her face or to others.
Parents can certainly make things worse by not correcting bad behavior, but I think preschool and early elementary school aged kids are still learning how to behave in social situations and interact with their peers. I doubt many of them have the ability to really reflect on the effects of their words on others. Some kids would never think to say mean things to others while other children tease each other and banter back and forth without giving it much of a thought. There are kids who aren't phased at all by being called a silly name like poopy head while others would be extremely upset. As parents, we can teach our children to be kind, correct bad behavior and help them cope when kids are mean. It's unfortunate that these things need to be dealt with at such a young age. However, I think it's bound to happen with a mixing of personalities and has more to do with kids figuring out how to interact with each other than bullying at that age.
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| Posted 10/22/17 7:45 PM |
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Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
IMO, if a kid is being mean to another kid, odds are someone is being mean to that kid. At home or somewhat else.
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| Posted 10/22/17 7:57 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7983 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
I agree, no child should have a phone until 17-18, yes this imo, I have two friends who will not even allow their 17 yr to have one. The ages are 1-17, no phone. They are handling life and school fine without a phone
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| Posted 10/22/17 8:19 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
For all those directing their posts to me, it is REPEATED. and it is TARGETED.
Im done here. I stand by saying it stems from the parents.
I am just wondering how many children you have and if this is your oldest. My first two children are very sweet, polite, well behaved kids. My third, not so much. She struggles with anxiety and occasionally as a result of that she has said mean things to classmates of hers. I can assure you it’s not because I am a ****** parent or a bully. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep worrying about her behavior. On the flip side, she and all of my kids have had mean things said to them by other children. Things that have hurt their feelings. And a lot of time the parents are close friends of mine and lovely people who are caring parents.
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| Posted 10/23/17 11:50 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by hmm
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
I agree, no child should have a phone until 17-18, yes this imo, I have two friends who will not even allow their 17 yr to have one. The ages are 1-17, no phone. They are handling life and school fine without a phone
I actually wish everyone would just get their kids phones. Like a startac with no texting and just the ability to make calls. I think smartphones should come way later like 18 and over.
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| Posted 10/23/17 11:52 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Speaking of bullying
To the people who think bullying starts with the parents -
I have a son who is 6 and ASD. He has used words that he has never, ever heard in our home. He watches Nick Jr and Disney Jr so I darn well know he did not hear them on TV.
When he uses inappropriate language toward a friend or family member he is reprimanded. We have spoken to him too many times to count about talking to other nicely and we can't get along with everyone and using not nice words. He was picked on last year on the bus by a 5th grader. And a lot of the language that he uses today stems from those incidents and his time at school.
But to have someone blame me for the language that he uses because I am not parenting him well, is comical. I spend my every waking moment trying to come up with better ways to be a better parent. To imply that I have allowed him to become a foul mouthed 6 year old is insulting. I blush sometimes when I hear what he says. This is not acceptable behavior or language in our home.
My son hits. He does it when he is frustrated. Being that he is autistic, that is quite often. My husband and I have never raised a hand to him.
He knows how to run, but he has never seen anyone at home do it because my husband and I don't run. So who is to blame for teaching my son to run?
Let's stop with the parent blaming. A parents job is hard enough. Children have outside influences. They have friends. They see what goes on in the world around them. And let's face it, most children are away from home for as long as most parents are during the day (due to work and daycare/school). Remember it takes a village to raise a child. Teachers, parents, friends, extended family, classmates all influence our children.
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| Posted 10/23/17 12:25 PM |
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mommyof3girls
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2773 total posts
Name:
Sue
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
ITA!! Why does a child need a phone?? I could see if they are walking home alone but they have phones that allow only for making calls. they don't need all that extra gadgets. My 10yr old is in 5th grade and has been asking for a phone because most of her classmates have one. There is no way in hell that's going to happen. There's no reason for it.
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| Posted 10/23/17 1:43 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by mommyof3girls
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
ITA!! Why does a child need a phone?? I could see if they are walking home alone but they have phones that allow only for making calls. they don't need all that extra gadgets. My 10yr old is in 5th grade and has been asking for a phone because most of her classmates have one. There is no way in hell that's going to happen. There's no reason for it.
Yup, my thoughts exactly. We have a house phone, I told DD if her friends want to communicate with her after school, she should give them her phone number. I thought about getting her a magic jack phone line....that way she has her "own" line to talk (I had my own line growing up and loved it). But, who knows if kids would really call and talk on the phone, since that doesn't seem the way of the world these days. I remember three way calling growing up, but I guess it's now just group texting!
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| Posted 10/23/17 1:48 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by mommyof3girls
Posted by BargainMama
Listen, not everyone has to like everyone. Kids don't have to like other kids. But, they do have to treat them with respect. Just not liking someone isn't being a bully. Taunting them over and over is being a bully.
I think if parents would stop buying their kids smartphones and allowing them on instagram, snapchap, and to sleep with their phones in their rooms texting all night, we wouldn't have half of these problems. Why can't parents just say NO to the phones? Why do parents buy their kids iphones in 4th grade? It's insane to me. Because they want their kids to have everything. Take the phones away, and there wouldn't be such a severe problem with bullying.
It is beyond sad that middle schoolers are taking their own lives over social media and being bullied all the time.
ITA!! Why does a child need a phone?? I could see if they are walking home alone but they have phones that allow only for making calls. they don't need all that extra gadgets. My 10yr old is in 5th grade and has been asking for a phone because most of her classmates have one. There is no way in hell that's going to happen. There's no reason for it.
If more parents felt this way, it wouldn't be an issue.
that's the problem
You want a phone for an emergency, here's a phone that can call me, your father, some other family members and 911
That's all you need
But sadly, it's gotten out of hand
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| Posted 10/23/17 2:58 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Where we are, many people try to excuse and minimize the problem. While each case may be different, I have observed with respect to the examples that I've seen written off by others (not personally involved): It's not ordinary kids interacting stuff for people to be so systemically and unnecessary mean and nasty to one child. It's just not. It's not normal, it's not excusable, and it's not OK.
I think a lot of parents that I know try to make themselves feel better by writing off extreme nastiness and true bullying as common or benign. Everyone lives in denial until we have to bury a child.
And yes, a lot of the nastiness and cruelty IS earned at home. It's the same callous entitlement that the kids' parents practice toward others in front of them--and sometimes towards the kids themselves. we see it on the road, in groups,...anywhere where jerks get it in their heads that it's "eat or be eaten." It's part of who a lot of these people are, and it's how they raise their kids.
It's not a coincidence that the same kids have trouble over and over being labeled as bullies. There is a problem--everywhere...and if we adults teach our kids to be passive bystanders, or worse, to rationalize or excuse it, they become complicit in a lot of it...just like some of us do. It's not going to stop being so pervasive until we parents take ownership of the situation and demand accountability. That's how I feel with respect to a lot of the cases I have heard about. (but each case is different.)
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| Posted 10/23/17 4:48 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: Speaking of bullying
Posted by lululu
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
For all those directing their posts to me, it is REPEATED. and it is TARGETED.
Im done here. I stand by saying it stems from the parents.
I am just wondering how many children you have and if this is your oldest. My first two children are very sweet, polite, well behaved kids. My third, not so much. She struggles with anxiety and occasionally as a result of that she has said mean things to classmates of hers. I can assure you it’s not because I am a ****** parent or a bully. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep worrying about her behavior. On the flip side, she and all of my kids have had mean things said to them by other children. Things that have hurt their feelings. And a lot of time the parents are close friends of mine and lovely people who are caring parents.
I agree.
My son has anxiety as well. And when someone does something to annoy him - he may tell them he doesn't like them or that they aren't allowed to come to his house. I've been working with him - as he doesn't mean "forever" and he doesn't realize how those words can hurt someone but, he's 5 1/2 so it's taking awhile to get through.
I feel like I am a good parent and am trying to correct the situations but, sometimes it happens.
ETA: I do feel that bullying is a serious problem and I am worried what's going to happen when kids get older since it seems to be swept under the rug in our district. Someone committed suicide during the last school year in the district next to us. It's horrible.
Message edited 10/24/2017 8:24:08 AM.
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| Posted 10/24/17 8:22 AM |
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