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September b-day, holding back for K?

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mcl916
my two loves

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Megan

September b-day, holding back for K?

I know this topic has been discussed, but I never even considered it until today when we had DS's party with his pre-k class. One of the girls missed the cut-off (her bday is Dec 2) so she is almost a full year ahead and the mom is a teacher and said she is glad because she will have an edge, not as much pressure to catch up, etc. There were a few other teachers there as well saying they have never met anyone who held a child back regret it and it's much easier to do before they start kindergarten rather then repeating Kindergarten.

Anyway, DS's bday is Sept 25 so to me he is well in the cut-off. But socially I think maybe he is a little behind. He has trouble with big groups -although does fine in school, he is in his second year doing 5 half days a week. I never even considered leaving him back but when everyone was talking about it today it made me really think twice about it and wonder if I'd be giving him an advantage by giving him that extra year "head start". My mom did not keep my brother back (late Nov bday) and says she always regretted it because he struggled in school. My DH had a hard time in school and ended up being left back one year but he is a May bday so it had nothing to do with the cut off lol. MIL says DS is a lot like DH was so that has me concerned too. Obviously I still have a full year to think about it and make a decision but I was just curious to hear what everyone thinks, especially the teachers who see kids who were left back and if they had an advantage, and moms who have left their kids back.

Posted 9/26/12 2:50 PM
 
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ny55angel
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Member since 2/06

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P

September b-day, holding back for K?

Ds's bday is 10/14 but he was 7 weeks early with a due date of 12/2. This is something that is in my head constantly even though he will only be 2 in a few weeks!! I know there are family members that agree with the possibility and there are others that have already expressed that I'm being "ridiculous"

Honestly the kids won't know that they are "held back" and I feel that it can only benefit them overall.

Posted 9/26/12 3:00 PM
 

Hofstra26
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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Speaking as a teacher (and a mom of a DD whose bday is Sept 19th) my feeling is, enroll him and see how he does. If you find throughout the year that he struggled either academically or socially you can always have him repeat Kindergarten. At that age he won't know the difference and in the end it will only help him as he progresses through school. I wouldn't just not send him because he has a September bday, he may surprise you and do great.

Like I said, my DD will turn 5 a few weeks into Kindergarten but she is absolutely going next year. Every kid is different but I can already tell by her personality and what she knows/learns she will be fine. BUT if for some reason she ended up struggling I wouldn't be opposed to having her repeat the grade however, I think she will do great. You have to gauge your own child but I think most September kids will do just fine in Kindergarten. Chat Icon Chat Icon

I wouldn't just automatically start him late because you may end up with the opposite problem where holding Kindergarten off for a year results in him being beyond bored when he does go and then he may end up being a behavior problem for the teacher. That is an equally bad problem to have. KWIM?

Message edited 9/26/2012 3:05:54 PM.

Posted 9/26/12 3:04 PM
 

2boys1girl
and one more girl on the way!

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D

September b-day, holding back for K?

I'm just speaking from a later in life stand point (and my birthday is Sept. 29th) If I was going on almost 19 years old graduating high school I think it would bother me alot. Just something else to think about....I'm sure your child will surprise you once they get the hang of Kindergarten!

Posted 9/26/12 3:13 PM
 

Xelindrya
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Veronica

September b-day, holding back for K?

Speaking from a family who held back a child due to 'maturity' and not grades, yes... my father absolutely regretted it. We as a family regret it to this day. He dropped out of HS and although he got an associates before any of his friends graduated from HS he still isn't where I think he had the potential to be. He was so much smarter than me and it was easier for him than me.

His bday is 9/6, mine 8/20. He HATED/LOATHED be older in the class. He always complained he had to be with the 'stupid babies' when his friends were older and moved on. He went from straight A's to barely passing when all his friends moved into HS. He loathed school and all it stood for. Honestly as the younger sibling I agreed with him.

I got to HS and yes I was the young one in class but seeing my brother tempered me. I had no issues in school. I can't IMAGINE if they'd held me back (our cut off is now Sept 1). I was in my senior year at 16yrs old. Graduated at 17 and enrolled and living on college campus at 17. Still wouldn't trade it for the WORLD.

AJ is 8/22 and i CAN hold her back if I want. I will absolutely not hold her back. Ironically, since football is such a big deal here in Texas as well as other sports, a lot of parents purposely hold their kids out a year to let them develop a physical headstart.

Posted 9/26/12 3:34 PM
 

InShock
life is good

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September b-day, holding back for K?

My stance on this has always been that this decision is 100% child-dependent. Some kids with later birthdays (Sept-Nov) are completely ready for Kindergarten and others are not. A lot has to do with individual maturity as well as academic readiness. I've taught kids with later birthdays that are the youngest and you'd never know it and I've also seen the opposite (I teach first grade). I'd also definitely discuss this with your DS's teachers, as they would have the best idea of whether or not he's ready for Kindergarten next year.

Posted 9/26/12 3:51 PM
 

neener1211
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J

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

I was thinking about holding DS back a year ago, he has a 10/16 birthday. But then this summer, a pre-k program was presented to me, and I wanted to see how he'd do. Well, he's flourishing and having so much fun. He'll be going to kindergarten next year and I won't be holding him back.

I think kids go through these ups and downs and you never really know how ready they are to do something until they try it. You have a year to see your child grow and learn. I would wait to make the decision at this point in time.Chat Icon

Posted 9/26/12 4:06 PM
 

Onemoretime
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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Ds is also September, I wont hold him back. I have a lot of faith in him, sure he is a little immature but that is life. If he is having trouble in K, then of course we would hold him back.
Statistically red shirted children end up worse off then their peers.
What is the benefit of being the oldest and biggest in the class?

Posted 9/26/12 4:30 PM
 

ohbaby08
Winter is Coming

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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

DS's bday is Sept 28th and I never thought for a second about holding him back. I could maybe see comtemplating it if he was born super close to the cut-off, but other than that, I don't think Sept. is too late in the year. I'm born at the end of Oct. and wouldn't have been happy if I was held back and older than most of my peers. JMO.

Posted 9/26/12 4:34 PM
 

NewlyMrs
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Jennifer

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

I find this topic so interesting....
I'm obviously from NY & my birthday is 12/22, so I was always the baby of my class. Funny though, cause school was never an issue, I grew to be taller than most of my friends too.

BUT now I live in NC, & my youngest will be entering Kindergarden older because the cut off here is 8/31 & her b-day is 97. I'm not sure how I feel about her being almost an entire year older than many because of 1 week.

Posted 9/26/12 5:15 PM
 

Jacksmommy
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Liz

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by NewlyMrs

I find this topic so interesting....
I'm obviously from NY & my birthday is 12/22, so I was always the baby of my class. Funny though, cause school was never an issue, I grew to be taller than most of my friends too.

BUT now I live in NC, & my youngest will be entering Kindergarden older because the cut off here is 8/31 & her b-day is 97. I'm not sure how I feel about her being almost an entire year older than many because of 1 week.



My birthday is 12 -19. My mom actually put me in I privately to push me ahead. As a HS teacher I can never tell who the kids are that were born in jan rather than sept. I think it's silly. There is always someone who is going to be young. Ds bday is 9 -11 and he will be going to k turning 5.

Posted 9/26/12 5:24 PM
 

InShock
life is good

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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by Onemoretime

Statistically red shirted children end up worse off then their peers.



Citation?

Posted 9/26/12 6:18 PM
 

Onemoretime
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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by InShock

Posted by Onemoretime

Statistically red shirted children end up worse off then their peers.



Citation?





There was also a news program (dateline or 20/20). It was about redshirting in NYC. It was said the older , bigger redshirted children have poorer grades and more behavioral problems then the other kids.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/14/magazine/14Ideas-Section2-C-t-004.html?_r=0


http://illinoisearlylearning.org/faqs/redshirting.htm

Personal experience, I was 12 yo for the first 4 months of 8th grade. I went to private where a lot of kids were redshirted. Some were 14 at the end of the year! And they were far worse off then the younger kids in school ( grade wise and behavior wise)

Message edited 9/26/2012 6:43:23 PM.

Posted 9/26/12 6:39 PM
 

beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!

Member since 5/05

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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

DS #2 BDay is Oct 10th. He will be 4 in a couple of weeks, and will go to kindergarten next year if preschool teachers think he is ready.

DS#3 is a November baby. He's not even 2 yet, but when the time comes, if he is ready he will go to K at age 4.

I'm a teacher and by the time the kids get to HS, there's not much of a difference. One of my students last year was one of the younger ones in his class (Dec Bday) and he got a full scholarship to Cornell, so I don't think being young hurt him! Chat Icon Obviously, it depends on the child. I'm sure there are examples of kids that thrived being held back. I would wait and see how preschool feels/you feel when it's time to make the decision.

Message edited 9/26/2012 6:47:18 PM.

Posted 9/26/12 6:46 PM
 

browneyedgirl
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browneyes

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by ny55angel


Honestly the kids won't know that they are "held back" and I feel that it can only benefit them overall.



Yes they do!!!! I have a second grader this year who is a full year older than some other kids in the classroom and she was devastated when we did class birthdays and she realized it. She was so upset she went home and talked to her mother about why she was so much older and her mother contacted me that she has regretted the decision for 3 years.

I have had many kids over the years who were upset that they were older. By the end of first grade, a lot of these kids are a full head taller than their classmates and it can be very noticable.

My own DD is late November and there is NO WAY I would ever consider holding her back unless she was emotionally not ready. The "advantage" people like to speak of is gone by 2nd/3rd grade. Grades that early in life don't even "matter." If you are a good academic student, it won't matter if you're a year ahead or behind. If you are learning disabled or a struggling learner, the year can matter. Being that my child appears to be normally developing, I do not want her being a year older than everyone else.

Posted 9/26/12 6:53 PM
 

SummerMom
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Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

I teach high school The kids who are older than all the other kids in the class are usually kind of embarrassed about it. They hate admitting that they're older; a lot of them actually lie about their ages (and say they're 14 when they're freshmen, and not 15).

From what I've read, red-shirting gives kids an "edge" in kindergarten, 1st, and maybe 2nd grade, but by 3rd grade it all evens out. There is no advantage - kids who were held back don't do higher on SATs or have higher graduation rates or anything like that.

Posted 9/26/12 7:29 PM
 

BargainMama
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September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by Onemoretime



, I was 12 yo for the first 4 months of 8th grade. I went to private where a lot of kids were redshirted. Some were 14 at the end of the year! And they were far worse off then the younger kids in school ( grade wise and behavior wise)



My son started k at 5, and turned 6 in Jan. He will be 14 at the end of 8th grade, along with half of his peers that have January, Feb, March, April, May, and June birthdays, without being red shirted.

to answer the op, no I would not hold my child back with a September birthday.

Message edited 9/26/2012 7:43:32 PM.

Posted 9/26/12 7:37 PM
 

mcl916
my two loves

Member since 10/06

5133 total posts

Name:
Megan

September b-day, holding back for K?

Thanks for all the replies, gives me a lot to think about. I'll see what his teachers think at the end of the year,

Posted 9/26/12 8:13 PM
 

ny55angel
car seat tech & geek :-)

Member since 2/06

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P

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by BargainMama

Posted by Onemoretime



, I was 12 yo for the first 4 months of 8th grade. I went to private where a lot of kids were redshirted. Some were 14 at the end of the year! And they were far worse off then the younger kids in school ( grade wise and behavior wise)



My son started k at 5, and turned 6 in Jan. He will be 14 at the end of 8th grade, along with half of his peers that have January, Feb, March, April, May, and June birthdays, without being red shirted.

to answer the op, no I would not hold my child back with a September birthday.



That is my daughter - she just started 8th and is currently 13. She will be 14 when she graduates. She was not red shirted, just has a January bday. I have a march bday and was 14 at the end of 8th also.

I, and my daughter, definitely weren't/aren't "far worse off" because we were in the grade we were supposed to be in.

Posted 9/26/12 8:48 PM
 

TheDivineMrsM
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Mama mama mama....

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Kids develop quickly... I'd wait making a decision until the spring (or whenever the SD does their kindergarten screening).

I think a lot depends on the child. I have an Oct birthday, enrolled at 4, and was one of the younger ones in my grade. Had some issues in lower grades, but never thought about it after elementary school. My sister's birthday is also in October and my parents held her back. She hated it at the time, but it was the best decision for her.

Posted 9/26/12 9:04 PM
 

DiamondGirl
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DiamondMama

September b-day, holding back for K?

My son is born on 10/6, unless his pre k teacher recommended it or I felt strongly about the fact that he was not ready he is starting Kindergarten on time. I have a December birthday, was always the youngest and always in honors.

Maybe it effects the kid in the early grades but I work in a middle school and there are just as many Oct babies in the honor classes as January babies.

Posted 9/26/12 9:08 PM
 

itsbabytime
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Me

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

My DC is born around the same time and just started K. Out of all the kids in the class there are three younger. There are several that are actually an ENTIRE year (shy of a week or two) older. I never thought to hold back because academically he is already way ahead of what they are doing in his K class. Also, in his pre-k class the teachers made suggestions as to which kids should consider holding back and they said absolutely not to consider with him.

THAT SAID, there is a BIG difference between a five year old and a six year old when it comes to maturity, attention span, gross and fine motor skills, size etc. I worry that DS will stand out because he is so much younger in these areas. I'll be totally honest this is a major pet peeve of mine. There is a cut off for a reason and it should be that a REAL cut off. Parents should not be able to ARBITRARILY hold their kid back when they are MONTHS away from the cut off because they feel like it for whatever selfish reason. I can totally understand if there is a REASON to hold back but, I think the school districts need to start impsoing some sort of system where you at least need to show CAUSE to hold a child back because quite honestly it has gotten ridiculous and out of control when my child is celebrating his 5th bday and half his class is celebrating their 6th bday a week later and he is three months away from the cut off!!!!

Sorry for the rant, this has really been on my mind lately Chat Icon

Posted 9/26/12 9:59 PM
 

saraH
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

My oldests birthday is 9-23. She was 7 weeks early, but has had no developmental delays of any kind. It was never a thought to keep her back for a year.

She's gone to "school" of some kind since she's 2.5. She loves it. If her pre-k teacher told me she didn't think she could handle it, I'd consider it. But she could do the work and she does fine socially.

Posted 9/26/12 10:40 PM
 

MrsS2005
Mom of 3

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B

Re: September b-day, holding back for K?

Posted by itsbabytime

THAT SAID, there is a BIG difference between a five year old and a six year old when it comes to maturity, attention span, gross and fine motor skills, size etc. I worry that DS will stand out because he is so much younger in these areas.



These are the reasons why I'm really torn about whether to send my mid-December baby to K next year. He's very bright and has no issues being in FT daycare/preschool. However, he's small for his age. A lot of people in our town hold their kids back who were born in the fall and early winter. If I sent him next year, he'll be with kids who are significantly older, bigger and more mature. Their fine motor skills will be more developed.

I don't want DS to struggle. He's a total perfectionist and gets frustrated if his letters don't look quite right. I don't want him to get discouraged if he has trouble with something while other kids in his class who are at least a year older do things with ease because their fine motor skills are better developed. At this age, I think there's a big difference between kids born at the beginning of the year and those born at the end. Plus, there will be kids who will be at least a year older than DS. It may not make a difference by the end of elementary school, but I don't want DS to have a tough time at any point simply because he's much younger than his classmates.

I know I need to have conversations with his preschool teachers throughout the year to see whether he's truly ready for K next year.

Posted 9/27/12 7:09 AM
 

Naturalmama
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Christine

September b-day, holding back for K?

I personally think 4 is young to start Kindergarten. In many other parts of the country, children must be 5 by September 1st. I know someone is always the youngest, so the July & August babies are then the youngest- but at least they are 5 when they start elementary school. With that being said, the cutoff is there for a reason, and while I think Dec. 1st is a late cut off, I think when people start holding their kids back, there is way to big of an age gap. Children who are 4.5 in a classroom with children who are 6. That is unfair.

Posted 9/27/12 7:50 AM
 
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