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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Need opinions - step/blended family related
Something is bothering me and I was wondering if you wonderful ladies can help me put it in perspective...
I ordered DH for Valentine's Day one of those signs that say The ____ Family Established 2006. He seemed to love it and was very into deciding where to put it, etc. I was very excited about it myself. DH has two sons from a previous marriage and we have DS together. Later that night, we were talking about where to put it and he said he hopes the boys don't feel funny because it says The blank Family Established 2006. I said, what do you mean? It's the year OUR family, all of us together, was established. He said he understood that, but he knows how they think and they were "blanks" before 2006. I said yes, but we are our new, all of us together, blank family was established is 2006... He wasn't being upset or mad and he says HE understands, but just the fact that he thinks the kids wouldn't, makes me feel that he himself doesn't truly understand or agree with that. The kids are 11 and 8 and I feel that they totally understand the step and blended family dynamic. Their mother's side has a lot of divorce and remarriage and they have SEVERAL step-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc and are very well adjusted.
His comment just took all the joy out of a gift I was really excited about giving.
I woud realy appreciate all opinions or advice!
Thanks!
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Posted 2/16/08 10:24 AM  |
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luvsun27
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Member since 5/05 8135 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Why not make a game out of it for the kids...let them decide where to put the sign so they feel included in the "new" family.
I have an 11 year old stepdaughter, who has lived with us since she was 7. When we first got married, she referred to the wedding as "our" wedding, because she was a big part part of it.
I don't think your DH meant any harm by his comment...and if you are concerned, I would have a chat with the kids to make sure they know that they are loved and 2006 was just the beginning of the "new" family.
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| Posted 2/16/08 11:14 AM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Posted by luvsun27
Why not make a game out of it for the kids...let them decide where to put the sign so they feel included in the "new" family.
I have an 11 year old stepdaughter, who has lived with us since she was 7. When we first got married, she referred to the wedding as "our" wedding, because she was a big part part of it.
I don't think your DH meant any harm by his comment...and if you are concerned, I would have a chat with the kids to make sure they know that they are loved and 2006 was just the beginning of the "new" family.
Thank you so much for responding! That's a great idea! We will include the kids in deciding where to put our new family sign. They will love it!!
The boys were DH's best men in our wedding. I gave them each a gold ring with their initial on it during the ceremony to symbolize our new family. My older step son was so touched, he cried. It was such an amazing moment. They now refer to the wedding as the best day of their lives! 
Thanks again for the response!
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| Posted 2/16/08 11:21 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
IMHO to me it seems that your DH is a caring and loving father to all his children. I have a stepmother and it was hard at that age (especially the 11 year old) I can totally see those two children being hurt by the sign. I know he is your DH but he is also their father. So I can totally understand what he is saying. I can also understand why you are upset too, it was a very thoughtful gift and I can see why you got it. Your kinda stuck between a rock and hard and a hard place.
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| Posted 2/16/08 11:21 AM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Posted by Stacey1403
IMHO to me it seems that your DH is a caring and loving father to all his children. I have a stepmother and it was hard at that age (especially the 11 year old) I can totally see those two children being hurt by the sign. I know he is your DH but he is also their father. So I can totally understand what he is saying. I can also understand why you are upset too, it was a very thoughtful gift and I can see why you got it. Your kinda stuck between a rock and hard and a hard place.
Thanks for your response!
The last thing I would want to do is to hurt them by it. My intentions were only good ones. That's why I'm so upset. DH IS an amazing father to all three of his boys and I know that his being concerned about their feelings is part of what makes him that wonderful father, but because I thought it was a good idea, I do feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...
Thanks again.
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| Posted 2/16/08 11:26 AM |
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kimmie
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1535 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
How are are his other boys? Do you think they would even notice something like that? I know my nephews wouldnt, they are always so busy with what they are doing!
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| Posted 2/16/08 12:29 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Posted by Stacey1403
IMHO to me it seems that your DH is a caring and loving father to all his children. I have a stepmother and it was hard at that age (especially the 11 year old) I can totally see those two children being hurt by the sign. I know he is your DH but he is also their father. So I can totally understand what he is saying. I can also understand why you are upset too, it was a very thoughtful gift and I can see why you got it. Your kinda stuck between a rock and hard and a hard place.
ITA.
My dad remarried when I was a teenager and we were a blended family. Even though this seems like a little thing it still has to be handled very carefully. I know you have the absolute best intentions for the sign and mean it to include them but they might not think the same the first time they see the sign hanging on a wall. They very well might think you, DH and DC only.
I would wrap up the sign in a nice box. The next time they come over talk about how you wanted to get something for the home that signifies ALL of you coming together as a family. Have the two boys open the box and explain the date is to signify all of you as a family. Then have DH ask them for their help in hanging it on the wall. You might even want to ask them for suggestions as to where to hang it.
That way they feel very included and have no doubts as to your intentions.
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| Posted 2/16/08 12:48 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
I would wrap up the sign in a nice box. The next time they come over talk about how you wanted to get something for the home that signifies ALL of you coming together as a family. Have the two boys open the box and explain the date is to signify all of you as a family. Then have DH ask them for their help in hanging it on the wall. You might even want to ask them for suggestions as to where to hang it.
That way they feel very included and have no doubts as to your intentions.
I think this is a great idea.
Disclaimer: Speaking with no experience firsthand of step/blended families
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| Posted 2/16/08 1:21 PM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Need opinions - step/blended family related
Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate your input. It helps a lot! I will definitely take your suggestions.
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| Posted 2/17/08 9:25 AM |
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