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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
My child is in K. He has been having a great year and made a lot of friends. No behavior issues which I was thrilled about bc he had some trouble in PreK.
I just got a note home from the teacher saying he has been off the past 2 days. Misbehaving during class, not listening, and part of a group of boys who also got in trouble at recess. I am livid. How do you go about punishing your child for something that happened in school once it is done? I suggested to the teacher that if he doesnt listen again that she punish him by taking away recess or something else that he usually enjoys (centers etc). I want her to go hard at him so he sees an immediate repercussion. Any suggestions for school or home punishments? I want to make sure he doesnt feel like he can get away with this.
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Posted 2/7/19 3:49 PM  |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:03 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
Wow really? So they can't punish at all? How do they have any control? I can of course punish him at home when i know the behavior occurred but that is sometimes so far after the incident it doesnt always translate well. My K is on the young side of the grade and he is a bit immature. Im really hitting my head against a wall with this.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:10 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
I wouldn't overstep and tell the teacher how to handle it in school. Just tell the teacher you find his behavior unacceptable and that you'll reinforce his behavior at home. Let them handle it however they handle it and then take away some privileges at home. Maybe check in with the teacher in a few days and make sure he's doing better.
Edited bc autocorrect sucks and I guess i didn't check it over lol
Message edited 2/7/2019 4:27:58 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:10 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Misbehaving at school
Punish him at home. When they are young they don’t think longer term and they why they say punish at the time. By K he will absolutely know what the punishment is for.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:10 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:11 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by b2b777
Wow really? So they can't punish at all? How do they have any control? I can of course punish him at home when i know the behavior occurred but that is sometimes so far after the incident it doesnt always translate well. My K is on the young side of the grade and he is a bit immature. Im really hitting my head against a wall with this.
They can and they do.
Mainly by taking away recess.
But probably not in K
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:12 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
Thank you -- i think something has to be done and im pulling at straws. You let them get away with it once fine, but twice or more and they think they can walk all over you. If its work related he should like you suggested do it during centers or recess. I think he needs that time, but if he was good he would have received it.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:13 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
That sucks. I thought most districts were smarter than that these days. I can see making an individual kid sit out part of recess if they were misbehaving at recess but losing it as a class bc of too much chatting is ridiculous. They need time to play, be kids, and socialize.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:31 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
I think I would complain if my child lost recess because other kids were misbehaving. Recess is very important for kids. They need to be able to run around and get some fresh air. I think I would ask the teacher if there was an alternative or if just the kids who were misbehaving could be punished. But overall I think a better way to handle it is to give the kids a reward for behaving as a class - say the ability to watch a 20 minute show on Friday afternoon or something and take that away if they misbehave.
For the OP - I would tell him that if you hear from the teacher that he is misbehaving there will be at home consequences as well - loss of TV time, make him write an apology, no playdates... Things of that nature.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:33 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
That sucks. I thought most districts were smarter than that these days. I can see making an individual kid sit out part of recess if they were misbehaving at recess but losing it as a class bc of too much chatting is ridiculous. They need time to play, be kids, and socialize.
You don't understand how it pisses me off.
Especially that my DD is a goody two shoes and never in trouble.
And she used to LOVE school and this year she is hating it because of the way they treat them. And it kills me to see that.
They are turning her off to school.
The work load is too hard IMO as well.
Some of the questions on her tests or homework I have a hard time with myself.
They are all- well it's 3rd grade now, they have to learn responsibility.
Yeah, ok but they are still 8 and 9 years old, not 14 or 15.
It's not middle school.
I can't stand it.
I would complain but i feel like it would get me nowhere.
I wish every day we had moved to Pat Med. That super would NEVER put up with this taking away recess garbage.
Message edited 2/7/2019 4:55:51 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:53 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by lululu
But overall I think a better way to handle it is to give the kids a reward for behaving as a class - say the ability to watch a 20 minute show on Friday afternoon or something and take that away if they misbehave.
You know last year they had this. They had a "sundae" and every time they did well or got a compliment from their gym or music teacher etc they would get a scoop added.
When they built a full Sundae they got a reward.
Either pizza party, McD's for lunch, ice cream party, movie and Pjs'.
They all voted on the reward too each time.
They loved it.
They got excited to do well.
This year and it's like a freakin' prison.
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| Posted 2/7/19 4:55 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by MrsT809
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jams92
I am not really sure public schools can punish like that, for not listening. I know in my daughters school (she is in kindergarten), they expect the parents to handle it unless it is something major like fighting, biting, etc.
They can by taking away recess,etc.
That is what they do in my daughter's class.
Not sure they did it in K, but definitely now in 3rd, she comes home complaining that even is SHE isn't talking the whole class gets recess time taken away because of a few who don't listen. (which i don't agree with and i also feel kids need recess and it shouldn't be taken away for a punishment, but that's another topic)
When she was in 1st if they didn't get their morning work done because they were chatting, they'd have to do it during recess and only then could they play.
So there are ways to punish for not listening for sure.
That sucks. I thought most districts were smarter than that these days. I can see making an individual kid sit out part of recess if they were misbehaving at recess but losing it as a class bc of too much chatting is ridiculous. They need time to play, be kids, and socialize.
You don't understand how it pisses me off.
Especially that my DD is a goody two shoes and never in trouble.
And she used to LOVE school and this year she is hating it because of the way they treat them. And it kills me to see that.
They are turning her off to school.
The work load is too hard IMO as well.
Some of the questions on her tests or homework I have a hard time with myself.
They are all- well it's 3rd grade now, they have to learn responsibility.
Yeah, ok but they are still 8 and 9 years old, not 14 or 15.
It's not middle school.
I can't stand it.
I would complain but i feel like it would get me nowhere.
I wish every day we had moved to Pat Med. That super would NEVER put up with this taking away recess garbage.
Yeah I highly doubt it. Yesterday they participated in Global Play Day. Bring a non electronic toy and the kids get to spend the entire day playing together with minimal teacher intervention. They love it and tell me they're not learning valuable skills by working out their own problems as they play.
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| Posted 2/7/19 5:39 PM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
I wouldn’t tell the teacher how to discipline him in her classroom, but rather ask her what she does when he misbehaves so that you can follow up at home. And I would absolutely have consequences at home too. He’ll learn that his behavior at school can affect his behaviors at home.
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| Posted 2/7/19 6:55 PM |
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muffaboo
LIF Adult
Member since 12/10 3797 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by b2b777
Wow really? So they can't punish at all? How do they have any control? I can of course punish him at home when i know the behavior occurred but that is sometimes so far after the incident it doesnt always translate well. My K is on the young side of the grade and he is a bit immature. Im really hitting my head against a wall with this.
They can and they do.
Mainly by taking away recess.
But probably not in K
Depends on the district...I'm a teacher and in my district, we cannot take away recess.
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| Posted 2/7/19 8:27 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Misbehaving at school
I think you should take away tv for a day as punishment
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| Posted 2/7/19 8:54 PM |
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b2b777
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by M514
I wouldn’t tell the teacher how to discipline him in her classroom, but rather ask her what she does when he misbehaves so that you can follow up at home. And I would absolutely have consequences at home too. He’ll learn that his behavior at school can affect his behaviors at home.
Thank you - very helpful. He has been punished at home. Hoping it will take effect in the classroom !!
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| Posted 2/7/19 9:16 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by muffaboo
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by b2b777
Wow really? So they can't punish at all? How do they have any control? I can of course punish him at home when i know the behavior occurred but that is sometimes so far after the incident it doesnt always translate well. My K is on the young side of the grade and he is a bit immature. Im really hitting my head against a wall with this.
They can and they do.
Mainly by taking away recess.
But probably not in K
Depends on the district...I'm a teacher and in my district, we cannot take away recess.
I wish
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| Posted 2/7/19 9:19 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by b2b777
Posted by M514
I wouldn’t tell the teacher how to discipline him in her classroom, but rather ask her what she does when he misbehaves so that you can follow up at home. And I would absolutely have consequences at home too. He’ll learn that his behavior at school can affect his behaviors at home.
Thank you - very helpful. He has been punished at home. Hoping it will take effect in the classroom !!
Tbh it depends on the kid. My son gets over things quickly. Punishing at home does nothing for him because he didn’t really suffer at the time of the offense. So the next day he will do same crap because he is an “in the moment” kind of kid. I’m sure it ties into his ADD and their need for instant gratification. If he knows he won’t get in trouble then he will do it and deal with consequences later.
I most certainly explained this to the teacher because the only thing happening was that I was punishing or yelling at my son everyday after work while he kept on acting like an @sshole in school. The issue wasn’t getting fixed and I had to deal with the disciplinary headache everyday after school.
They wouldn’t take away recess because they wanted kids to exert their energy. So they would take away specials from him like music or whatever fun thing. I basically told them take away recess, sit him the principals.. do something lol. Now he gets detention or he will miss a fun activity since he’s in 5th grade.
I had to tell the teachers to be more strict and that I am doing my part but I need their help while he is in school. I can’t be displining him every day for school offenses and home ones too.
Message edited 2/8/2019 8:14:00 AM.
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| Posted 2/8/19 8:12 AM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6655 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by MrsT809
I wouldn't overstep and tell the teacher how to handle it in school. Just tell the teacher you find his behavior unacceptable and that you'll reinforce his behavior at home. Let them handle it however they handle it and then take away some privileges at home. Maybe check in with the teacher in a few days and make sure he's doing better.
Edited bc autocorrect sucks and I guess i didn't check it over lol
I agree, but I would also let the teacher know that you are open to him having immediate repercussions in school. It's a hard line for teachers to toe- so many parents are "not my kid" and "how dare you" that I'm sure they tiptoe around disciplining kids. I'd still leave it up to the teacher that she can use her judgement and dole out punishment as she sees fit.
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| Posted 2/8/19 8:57 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Only thing I would add is email the teacher that if it continues, you’d like to meet with her and set up a plan. 2 days could be a cold or not enough sleep... but it could also be the progression of something longer.
They have plans with rewards for good specific behavior at school when a kid is misbehaving (kept my hands to myself, did not cry, did not stomp my feet). We did this with DS. Small candy or similar reward at end of day if all is good. Lots of work for teacher, but it really does works and is what a child therapist would start.
Taking away recess is not done in our school without permission by parent and is saved for a really heinous offense.
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| Posted 2/8/19 9:09 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7612 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Misbehaving at school
Posted by nycgirl
Only thing I would add is email the teacher that if it continues, you’d like to meet with her and set up a plan. 2 days could be a cold or not enough sleep... but it could also be the progression of something longer.
They have plans with rewards for good specific behavior at school when a kid is misbehaving (kept my hands to myself, did not cry, did not stomp my feet). We did this with DS. Small candy or similar reward at end of day if all is good. Lots of work for teacher, but it really does works and is what a child therapist would start.
This. We did this when my DS was in the 3 year old room at daycare and it worked well. He either got a sticker at the end of the day or didn't.
He's now almost 5 and I use similar tactics at home when I want to correct behaviors.
I personally would not take recess away. It is literally the only down time they get and I think it would result in poorer behavior.
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| Posted 2/8/19 10:44 AM |
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