looking for suggestions for helping my shy child

My wonderful 3 year old daughter is a shy child. She does well with playing one on one and has a best friend who she wishes she could play with every day, but when it comes to playing with a group of children, she doesnt want me less than 2 feet away from her.

She goes to mommy and me groups/gymnastics/music together. Her language skills are great and she is affectionate - but she is very shy around other children.

Any suggestions on encouraging her to be a bit more social?

She'll be starting nursery school in the fall and I'm thinking of having her in some sort of summer activity - but I'm due with twins at the end of May/early June and dont know how much I'll be able to handle.

Re: looking for suggestions for helping my shy child

I have to be honest, I would not push her. It may backfire and she may become more shy. I say this because I have one PAINFULLY shy kid. It seems that the more I push him into groups of other kids, or try to help him to make new friends, the more he retreats into himself. He is VERY outgoing with kids he knows well, in VERY small groups.

I would back off and let her "come into her own" on her own time.

BTW, my DS is almost 7, and is just now, at the end of first grade, making "new" friends. I do not think you can make a kid not shy anymore than you can make a very social kid become shy KWIM?

Re: looking for suggestions for helping my shy child

I was a shy child and I'll tell you what worked with me.

Its great she's got a friend she's comfortable with. Is her friend as shy as she?

The trick with me was that I had 1 friend who I loved, this friend was very outgoing child, very polite, very social. My mom added 1 other child to the play and I was exposed to the interactions between the non-shy child and the new child. I started to copy non-shy behavior. It really helped because when I was uncomfortable I would just mimic the behaviors I learned and it put me at ease.

As I grew up, I instinctively made friends with much more outgoing people than myself, because it always taught me the social behaviors that didn't come naturally to me.

I agree, you don't want to push anything, if she feels uncomfortable it will make things worse. Take small steps and really watch her comfort level.

Re: looking for suggestions for helping my shy child

Thanks so much for your advice

Her best friend is a pretty outgoing little boy, so I'm hoping she'll emulate some of his confident behavior. If we have a playdate with 1 or 2 children at our house she does quite well. . . but any more than that, or a playdate that is somewhere else and she retreats a bit.

DH and I were shy children so I have to keep reminding myself that we both came out of our shells and we shouldnt push her.

Thanks again.

Re: looking for suggestions for helping my shy child

Sounds like you're doing all the right things with involving her in classes. I'd try playdates with more than one friend to ease her into it.

Looking at the suggestion to have that "1 friend", I can tell you it can later work against her as she reaches elementary school. She will become dependent on the one friend & may find herself devastated as the friends around. I'd have a few regular playdates with children rather than just one.

My daughter has a friend with selective mutism. It's an anxiety disorder. The mom told me some of the coping skills she's learned after researching sites & joining online support groups. One was to always get to the party or class first. Her daughter found it easier to adjust as children arrived one by one rather than walking into a group. I'm not suggesting that she has SM, but some of their suggestions would probably help herhttp://www.selectivemutism.org/

Message edited 5/14/2010 5:47:44 AM.