IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

We go at 5pm, and I still can't wrap my brain around it!! I know we don't have to make a decision today but I just feel like my back is against a wall and I don't want to go into it feeling this way. It's not the meds (done almost all of them, including IM's all by myself) and the extra procedures (have had major surgery without a hitch). It's just the whole feeling like a failure for not getting pg with less invasive methods and the FEAR of a failed cycle. I have been trying so hard to have a better attitude/outlook on the whole thing but haven't been able to. I turned 35 in Feb...would there really be any harm in putting this off a few more months? They say the 35-37 range is all about the same stats wise, or should I do it now since I'm still closer to 34, slightly better numbers?? I need a magic 8 ball or something b/c my confidence to make the right choices is long gone!!
Any words of wisdom/advise would eb greatly appreciated!
TIA,
Shawnna

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

If you do not feel as though you are ready for it, then definitely wait a few months. For some women it's a piece of cake. For other women it can be very emotionally and physically draining.

Please do not feel like a failure. You are not alone in this journey- there are millions of other women like you. Getting pregnant is not as easy as they made it seem when we were young and soooooo many people have a hard time!

Since you have been through so much already, I know you will be fine. Just keep it in the back of your mind that doing IVF GREATLY increases your chance of success! Maybe you just need some motivation? Maybe you really need a break to clear your head and prepare yourself.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck!

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

no advise, just lots and lots of

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

I can only speak from experience... and say that I did 2 different IUI cycles- one stressed and one not stressed with the same meds- and it made a WORLD of difference when I wasn't stressed. I think if you're not mentally prepared for it--- that I would take a couple of months off and prepare yourself. Those couple of months shouldn't make a huge diff. as far as egg quality, etc... go--- but if you're really worried, put a call into your dr. Whatever you decide, I'm here for you! GL!

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

Shawnna, I totally feel where you are coming from.

IVF is risky! We were given 50-60% chances and we still failed. And I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is the risk that we take when we do these methods.

Do you think a few more months would help you? Would it be time for relaxation - or just I guess just what do you feel that the time would do for you? I don't think a few months would really make a difference, but obviously I'm not a doctor or a pyshic so I have no real idea.

IVF was emotionally draining for me. We were put into a situation where we had to chose IVF or cancel within a few hours and it was rough. I can't say I regret the decision though.. even though it didn't work. I think IVF is a good dianostic tool also.. KWIM?

As hard as it was, I'd do it all over again a million times if the end result would be a baby. And as you know that's never a guarantee, but I would spend the money, go through it all again and again if it gave me the chance of having a baby.

I hope this makes some sort of sense!

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

There is nothing wrong with taking off a few months to get your head back in the game. IVF is very overwhelming and requires a huge commitment on so many levels. If you are not in the right place in your head for it, it's ok to take a few months off, it's not going to make a difference.

I will be 41 in May. I had a failed IVF cycle in Feb. After that I made an appt for a consult with Dr. Braverman, which I rescheduled 2x because I just wasn't ready. That was 2 months ago. Last week I called his office back to reschedule my consult, he got on the phone with me. Through the course of our discussion he asked me what I've been doing for the past few months and I told him not thinking about getting pregnant, or anything to do with RE/IVF or anything, because my head wasn't in it. He told me that taking a break was the best possible thing I could've done for myself and even at my age, 2 months was not going to make a difference.

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

I completely understand what you are saying. I have similar feelings and wonder how I will handle a failed cycle. Or even worse, I have the fear that it will work, but that I will m/c again.

However, I keep telling myself that I don't know that it is going to fail and even if it fails or I have another m/c, I would deal with it then. I can't worry about things that haven't happened yet - though that is sooooooo much easier said than done! I know that I would be devasted and distraught, but I have faith that I would pick myself back up again get through it.

That being said, I think that if you don't feel ready, then you should take a break. However, I am not sure if the fear of failure is ever going to go away.

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

I agree with Kristin, I don't think the fear of failure ever goes away. That said, if you are experiencing this much anxiety I think a break might be a good idea. A month or two is not going to make the slightest difference except maybe improve your mental health.

I took a nearly 8 month break between my last IUI and my IVF cycle. I needed it, my marriage needed it...it was absolutely the right decision for me. And because of that break, I went into this IVF cycle totally relaxed, and stayed relaxed throughout the whole process...I think that had a lot to do with my result. You can't underestimate the effect stress has on your body.

Good luck whatever you decide

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

Reading your blog makes me want to scream HANG IN THERE!! Although I am in the beginning stages of this long heartwretchning process, you have to stay positive.
I was on the supermarket checkout line when my attention was drawn from the floor to the thngs that hang from the side of the register- it was a magnet that simple read in black and white Never, Never, Never Give Up- I bought it and keep it next to the calendar on the side of my fridge and this magnet reminds daily- never give up.
This infertility process reminds me to draw on my past experiences when I had to face challenges and what I did to make it thru and acheive what I wanted.

You are in my prayers! Keep the faith!

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

I wish I had encouraging words for you, but I just wanted to give you

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

Thanks guys. I know I can always get some reason from this board!! Hopefully I hear some magic words tonight that'll give me a clear answer!
I'll post tonight to let you know how it went and if we made a decision yet!!
You guys ROCK!!! :)

Shawnna

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

All of your fears about IVF are normal at any age. Nobody wants to admit they need to resort to IVF to get pg. I knew I was ready for IVF after 5 failed medicated IUI's, side effects from meds, and 2 chemical pregnancies. I just couldn't endure any more without increasing my chances of success. Fortunately we got PG on our first IVF attempt. Best of luck on your journey.

Re: IVF Consult today--Long, sorry

We talked about this at the GTG, so I totally know where you are. I don't blame you...take a break, a few months WILL NOT make a big difference. Get yourself emotionally prepared.

If you need anything, you know we're all here