I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

Just a vent........

I just hate always waiting for the next round of bloodwork.. the next appt.. the last pill.. etc.. I have so many amazing things in my life and I feel like rather than simply living and enjoying the present I'm counting down to something fertility related. I feel like it will just never end because I know once I do get pregnant it will be more rounds of countdowns and milestones to get through.

This has been going on for so long that counting down the days and living from one appt/sono/bloodwork to the next has become such a way of life. I am by no means old but I feel like I'm wishing all this time away and it's so sad!!


On that note.... this wait can not end soon enough.

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

I think every person on this board can relate to what you're feeling!

SO SO SO many for you!!!!!!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

I hear you...we're all counting down to all of these little steps on the way to our biggest goal of being mommies. Sometimes we need to focus on the next appointment, bloodwork etc., b/c I think it keeps us sane instead of thinking of the big picture. It does stink not to be living in the moment though. I have to say, taking a break this summer was nice for that reason.

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

:hug hang in there!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

Right here with you

Everything right now revolves around IF, but this is just the first stage of being a parent. Because when those babies come, there will a new set of waiting, doctor appts, uncertainty, etc. Your having your moment, but you know that all of this going to help your dream come true. Stay strong, which I, we all know you are.

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Been there more times than I'd like to admit. I try and remember the "count your blessings" quote. So after your vent is over, pick yourself up and be grateful for what you have. Say thank you for one thing each day. (Ex. Thank you for this delicious Chinese food )

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Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

Posted by KMCGK

Been there more times than I'd like to admit. I try and remember the "count your blessings" quote. So after your vent is over, pick yourself up and be grateful for what you have. Say thank you for one thing each day. (Ex. Thank you for this delicious Chinese food )

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

This is my life!!!
I feel like I'm missing so many things going on around me. Sometimes I even feel selfish because of it.
I feel like my diet, my work, my home and my relationships are suffering because all I do is obsess over the next appointment/bloodwork/sono etc.. Like you said.

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Penny thank you for this post, it was an eye opener for me. I knew I was doing it but for some reason It's different when you read if from someone's perspective. I am going to work on letting it go. This is not in my control so my trying to control it does not good. Time to enjoy every day like and not worry if the babies are ok, when the next appt or sono is, will something show in the sonno ect.

Many prayers for you, it WILL be your turn!!!

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IF is not fair!!! Why such great women have to go thru this I don't know....giving you lots of

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

I totally agree with this!! The process of trying to get pregnant can be so consuming that we forget what else is going on in our lives. I think I probably think about my infertility issues 99% of some days!! The hardest thing for me is keeping focus when I'm at work. I used to enjoy my job, but a lot of times I feel like I'm just doing it to get through the day. I'm also always thinking about the next appointment or next step... Thank goodness for my husband who keeps me sane :)

I know we all have to be grateful for the great things and opportunities in our lives, keep everything in perspective, and know that everything will work out for us!!! We all deserve it!!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

I totally hear what you're sayiIng!! Ive been trying to enjoy the little things that happen throughout the day and be thankful for "small blessings". Its really hard sometimes because so much of our time is spent with doctors/bloodwork/medicine/etc.
I dont know how to make it any easier other than trying to immerse myself "in the moment". Sometimes being with my neices/nephews helps because they completely occupy my mind. Staying busy with other hobbies helps too but I have my breaking points, and many of them!!

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Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

i completely understand how you feel...and as if the physical toll of IF was bad, it rips any joy out of you and fills it back up with anxiety, nerves and worry.

we are so busy preparing ourselves for poor outcomes that we lose the joy in events that are actually very positive.


all i can say is that we are all going through this unfair journey....but in the end, the chances are excellent that no matter what, in some way, we will be mothers. maybe our time was not intended to be now, but it sill come fore sure. And the unforgettabel path that led us there will be something we will never forget...and will only make us all stronger...

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I knew you girls would be able to relate..... I'm trying so hard to remain positive but after all this time, it's so hard to believe that a baby could come in the end. It feels like babies are meant for other people, but not us. I feel like rather than trying to get pregnant, I am trying to treat an incurable disease. It's just been cycles of perpetual rollercoasters that ultimately lead to disappointment.

I'm trying so hard not to feel this way, but I can't help it. It's like if you HATE a certain food and someone puts a plate of it in front of you and someone says, "HERE! EAT THIS AND LIKE IT!" .. I can't help the way I feel.. I'm trying to stay positive, I really am!!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

I felt this was with my rounds of IUI

I was living my life around RE appointments and it sucked!

To be honest I was thrilled when a cycle was canceled because it meant a little freedom.


People would say wait till you see your schedule once DC arrives. Well now that he is here I still maintain the RE appointments were more work!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

for all of you ladies.

It is so hard to be in the moment with so much going on. You do lose sight of what IS good in your life, what ELSE you have to look forward to.

All I can suggest is to TRY and take a few moments each day to think about something else, think about whatever positives you can and make time for yourself to do something nice for yourself. You all deserve as much happiness and enjoyment as you can find among all the pain and despair that IF brings.

I hope no one mids that a "grad" posts here. But I had promised myself that I wouldn't ever forget what I went through and I was at this for over 4 years and I hope that maybe my experince can be something positive for someone else.

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i definitely relate to how you feel. DH and i talk about this alllllll the time--our lives have been consumed by TTC for years now and it seems like "life" is on hold. it really s*cks!

i really hope you get good news soon! when is your beta? (not that i expect you'll wait until the beta)

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

Funny because I was just thinking the same thing today. I want to live again and I've been at this for like 6 years (4 1/2 with an RE). I know I don't post much on here anymore, mostly because I'm just doing stuff that most people aren't.

There's no way not to at this point in time but I hope for the future that we will be back in the moment.

Good luck with everything you are doing!!!

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Posted by keepingsecrets

i really hope you get good news soon! when is your beta? (not that i expect you'll wait until the beta)

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Mine is Wednesday too... hope we both post with some good news!! Good luck!!!

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Posted by eyeontheprize

Mine is Wednesday too... hope we both post with some good news!! Good luck!!!

Re: I'm so tired of not living in the moment.

i agree 100 percent!

i want my life back..but i want a baby more