I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

After reading tons of posting from brave girls who got their lady bits waxed in full, and reading over and over that it's "not so bad," I decided to try it.

It was on my bucket list. And now I can say you all lied to me.

I went to the nail salon in Lake Ronkonkoma, in the shopping center with Waldbaums.

The place always make me chuckle, as the workers all have name tags that clearly aren't there real names. I don't get why they can't use their traditional names, but whatever.

I was waxed by "Irene."

I laid down, thinking of that LIFer Jenna, who gets Braz's in her third trimester. I thought of all of you, actually.

I expressed my fear to Irene.

And then IRENE told me it wouldn't be so bad, but checked out the "situation" before melting her wax of death.

"Oh! Very Good! You very hairy! This is good - we make it nice!"

Ok, I get that it has to be a certain length, but being called hairy? Not cool.

Strike one.

Strike two: "Oh! Your hair red in your area! He he!"

Yes. I have Clown P*ssy hair. Thanks for pointing it out, IRENE.

Strike three: "You married, yes? Hubby be happy when you come home - No more furry wife!"

....Furry?

And then it began.

I laughed because I'm ticklish.
And then I cried because it hurt like hell.

It was worse than labor. And the anticipating it was the worst. I clenched my fists, bit my tounge, and tried not to yell too much, as others would hear.

And yes, I did yell.

AND THE SHE DID INSIDE THE LIPS!!!!!!!


NO ONE MENTIONED THAT!
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THAT!

She pried me open like a hot dog bun and did her thing.

And then SHOWED ME WHAT CAME OUT - all these little hairs.

I also didn't expect my "business hole" (the backdoor business entryway) to be done, either. W.T.F.???

her fingers were EVERYWHERE, on me, INSIDE ME, you name it.

It was the most action I got that week!

And then she APPLIED CREAM ALL OVER MY AREA! IT WAS LIKE A BAD K-Y GEL COMMERCIAL. And I felt like I finally had my first lesbian experience.

..and then I had to pay for it, which made me feel like the female Eliot Spitzer.

I just can't. It was horrible.

Walking out, I felt like I had no undies on, either. Gone was my furry protection.

And my hubby loved it , until he saw wax bits in my vag.

Lovely.

What a gorgeous experience.

Neverfuckingagain.

I love you all, I really do.
But you're all a bunch of liars.
Dirty, hairless, liars.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

LOLIRL...

you go- I could never EVER do it.. and you just confirmed it.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

That is NOT the type of experience I have ever had. I go to a place where a registered nurse does the waxing. She is sweet, courteous (aka - no "furry" comments!) and above all, quick!

She ASKS exactly what I want done, so there are no suprises. Also, she encourages me to breathe. Holding your breath and clenching makes it MUCH worse!

Give it 1 more shot and try a better place before you swear off waxing forever.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

And you just confirmed why I just stick to shaving

My friend said the same thing she said it was the worst pain she ever experienced um no thank you

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG, you reminded me of this Wanda Sykes sketch I saw a few weeks ago where she allowed a friend of hers who was getting started in the business to wax her.

To quote her, "And then everything went white."

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

This post is the best I've read in a while

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

O.M.G

Not that Im laughing at your expense but this was the best story ever!

I havent gone that route...I just shave as best as I can and that seems to work.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

. Now you know why they expect a tip.

did she at least wear gloves?

Message edited 7/21/2010 9:16:49 PM.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

NEVER GO TO A NAIL SALON!!!!!!!!

You go to a russian for this kind of service. I drive 45 mins because she is that good and it hurts but nothing near yelling type of pain.....

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously have tears pouring down my face i'm laughing so hard

Thanks...I so needed that after the day I had!!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

You can't just go to a regular nail salon, you need to go to the Turkish women who know exactly what they are doing and use SUGAR wax!!!!

It isn't bad at all - I feel terrible that you went to someone who had no idea what they were doing!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

Seriously though - don't go to a nail salon for that area. You need to go to a place that specializes in waxing. I have a high pain tolerance but it's truthfully not bad IF the technician uses the proper kind of wax (yes, you're supposed to use a different type of wax than say when you wax your eyebrows), is professional AND you take 2 advil about 20 minutes beforehand.

I have it done every 5 weeks without fail (I have a standing appt).

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG speakthetruth...I love you

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG I'm dying of laughter here I love it!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG! my legs involuntarily clenched together while I read that! You are one brave woman. I will never lie, I will never get that intimate with wax... a little clean up, sure, but not aiming to look like I did when I was 4.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG, I am laughing so hard.

Yes, it is true that the name tags are so obviously not their names. I used to go to a nail salon in Ronkonkoma and I had my nails done by a girl named Nina. Then a friend turned me on to a salon that is closer to home, in Deer Park. Well, now Nina works at my new salon only her name is Britney. Same chick. She does great acrylics. Yes, I still get acrylic.

Laser was not as painful as waxing.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

OMG you are freaking hilarious.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

aww that sux! i had it done at a nice salon/spa - it really was fine. i mean, it hurt a bit but it was over very fast... not ongoing pain. in the future the lady told me about the 'no scream' cream that i can use an hour before. that numbs the entire area.

she was very professional. sorry you had that happen! oy!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

YOu went to the WROOOONG place!!! Things like that, ESPECIALLY for your first time, you don't get done in some place in a shopping mall with estheticians who speak broken english and have no manners!

I strongly suggest you try it again by going to a place that SPECIALIZES in brazilian waxing... and then report back to us again!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

LMAO funniest post everrr!!

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

You definitely just kept me entertained

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

I know this post was for entertainment value - and I DID laugh but just a few things.

What you described is a brazilian, if you wanted something else you had to specify. The "highlight" of the Brazilian IS the back. . .

And NEVER EVER EVER go to a nail salon EVER. The second I read about the "faux names" I knew this would not end well. Actually, I am always surprised that people get undressed in those types of places ( save them for the $6 manicures please! ).

You have to go to a spa. They will never "double dip" the stick that they apply the wax with, meaning you can't get any horrible diseases. They will speak English and be able to explain everything to you. They only use the highest quality products and not whatever can be bought in bulk.

Sorry that you had to experience all of that, I hope that if you do decide to go again - its a much better experience

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

You are hysterical!

Sounds like I went to the same place you get waxed. I always get compliments on how hairy it is

Love it when they show me how much hair they yanked from me and best is when your poked, pushed, turned, squeezed in every direction.

Oh, and the best... doesn't hurt as much when you pull your skin.

***... it hurts no matter what!
I usually do it twice a year. Once in the summer and in the winter b4 we go away
BTW... TMI, but the first sh%$ after goes smooth

ETA - I go to a spa now. Never go to a nail salon like the PP said

Message edited 7/22/2010 7:46:50 AM.

Re: I'm hear to speak the truth on GOING BARE - DOWN THERE!

I'm sorry you went through all of that, but your post was hilarious!!

I'm afraid to have my eyebrows and lip waxed, nevermind anything below that! This post has pretty much cemented my feelings!