I am so tired of hearing this

DH and I just got married in Sept and we keep getting the "when are you having kids" question. Neither one of us have children and at our age (DH is 46 and I am 48) we arent planning on any. What gets me is when people say "48 isnt too old- look at all the stars that are having them at that age. Well I cant afford to stay at home with my legs up and have these specialists take care of me during my pregnancy. Also I cant see me when I am 65 years old dealing with a teenager and I cant afford a nannie to take care of the kids.

I am sorry I just had to vent to people who understand the whole "I am not having kids" concept.

Thanks for listening

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

People are idiots....plain and simple.

IMO, I would assume that someone that got married later in life either already had children or doesnt want them.

I do not for the life of me understand the obsession of some to have everyone procreate. its not for everyone....

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I dont think it registers in peoples heads that some people just genuinely dont want or have the time for kids. Its sad bc i hear you it gets annoying

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Thank you so much! It makes me feel better when people understand

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I know exactly what you're feeling.

What irritates me the most is that the people who ask are USUALLY people who don't know why the couple isn't TTC...and some people simply cannot have children, though they want them so badly. I can't imagine being on the end of the question and having my answer be that we can't conceive. (Not that anyone needs to say that...but if that's the reason...I can't imagine having people all up in my business over it, KWIM?) I see the look on two friends' faces - people who can't conceive - when people ask them.

You could start answering with what I've started to say (because the question is getting old, fast)..."why are my ovaries YOUR business?"

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

You're preaching to the choir here vent away we've all heard it.

What gets me is, what if you were TTC and trying really hard, and were going through very personal, emotional hardship?

People just don't understand how rude it is. They think its friendly conversation but it's really none of their business.

My answer is ALWAYS "I have 2 really big kids, one is 61 and the other is 66". I literally say that to people.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Posted by PearlJamChick



I know exactly what you're feeling.

What irritates me the most is that the people who ask are USUALLY people who don't know why the couple isn't TTC...and some people simply cannot have children, though they want them so badly. I can't imagine being on the end of the question and having my answer be that we can't conceive. (Not that anyone needs to say that...but if that's the reason...I can't imagine having people all up in my business over it, KWIM?) I see the look on two friends' faces - people who can't conceive - when people ask them.

You could start answering with what I've started to say (because the question is getting old, fast)..."why are my ovaries YOUR business?"

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Posted by Mushesgirl

You're preaching to the choir here vent away we've all heard it.

What gets me is, what if you were TTC and trying really hard, and were going through very personal, emotional hardship?

People just don't understand how rude it is. They think its friendly conversation but it's really none of their business.

My answer is ALWAYS "I have 2 really big kids, one is 61 and the other is 66". I literally say that to people.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I am 43 and childless..I get it.
It sucks when you have step kids on top of that b/c people assume your relationship is not good with them. Not that I think I am their Mom or anything but why assume it's a bad relationship?

I have friends married with no kids and DH's family think there is something wrong with them.

I think people on LI are baby crazy if you ask me. I have so many friends that got married and had kids with the wrong guy b/c "that is what you are supposed to do" or they wanted "mini mes". They now are divorced and have resentment about having kids so young.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Honestly, that question is inappropriate to ask at any age, it's none of anyone elses business, but there are always those busy-bodies out there who can't think of any other intelligent conversation to have and revert to those stupid stereotypes of - well you just got married, kids an a house must be next. I think alot of folks haven't figured out it's not not good to ask anyone, you never know why someone doesn't have kids - whether they don't want them, can't ahve them, want to wait, etc.

I always want to say to them that my procreation activities, if any, are none of their business. I once got so po'd at my BIL and started asking him highly personal financial questions that made him very uncomfortable..then asked him how he liked it. I never ever got another question again.


It stinks, but people don't think. Try to have a better day - the weekend is here!

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Posted by mrsh2010

Posted by Mushesgirl

You're preaching to the choir here vent away we've all heard it.

What gets me is, what if you were TTC and trying really hard, and were going through very personal, emotional hardship?

People just don't understand how rude it is. They think its friendly conversation but it's really none of their business.

My answer is ALWAYS "I have 2 really big kids, one is 61 and the other is 66". I literally say that to people.

Before my MIL passed I used to tell people we already have a 81 y/o in diapers- I dont need another one. Now that she is gone people are asking more.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I think it's the thought of all the extra laundry that keeps me away.

Seriously though, people suck. When it's not, "when are you going to get a boyfriend," it's "when are you going to get married?", then it's "when are you going to have a baby?" When your life fits the "expected" mold and you give the majority answer, the questions become a predictable conversation. When your answers differ, it's a different conversation. People don't consider that some of our lives go along different paths -- not better, not worse -- just different.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

some people dont have filters

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I still get this crap as well...i'm almost 38....yes technically I could have a kid but I DON'T WANT TO...holy hell...what's so hard to understand about that????

Sorry you are getting grief about your decision to enjoy your life the way it is

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

what the hell is wrong with them?

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

i think a good majority of people expect people to get married and have kids. which is not everybody's plan! i think people are just ignorant to that fact...

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I work in a fast paced professional work environment and relieved that no one has asked me this. I'm 34 years old and have zero desire to procreate. My hubby is pushing 43 and feels the same. We are happy being child free and can't understand why other couples who are TTC or mutual friends with kids can't "get it".

I'm already gravitating my life around other couples who are CF and suggest others who are CF do the same. We just went on a cruise and have 2 more vacations planned for 2011. We also enjoy going to NYC for dinner, Broadway shows and other activities that most couples our age with kids can't do easily (like going to Atlantic City for a weekend on a whim).

I wouldn't care or worry about these comments, they are just jealous that your savings and retirement accounts are fatter without kids!

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

We get the question very often from friends & family too. It is very annoying having to explain to everyone all of our reasons all the time. -27 & -28 My sister recently pointed out that we are getting old. Yes I initally planned on being a young mom but life didn't work out that way. I have health issues that need to be figured out first, DH is unemployeed & we still live in our tiny apartment.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

I was getting this question at our wedding! It's so annoying!

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

My sister gave me one of the best lines to use, although I haven't had the guts to yet (been TTC for almost 2 years now, married for 6.5, and I get tons of questions about when I'm having kids):

"Get out of my womb!"

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

We started telling people very early "we're having puppies, not kids".. and they'd laugh and say "no, seriously"...

I told a friend the other night when she signs a legal document holding her financially responsible for any and all expense a child I have would incur.. then and only then would I consider it. She shut up.

Re: I am so tired of hearing this

Posted by BatGirl9910

I work in a fast paced professional work environment and relieved that no one has asked me this. I'm 34 years old and have zero desire to procreate. My hubby is pushing 43 and feels the same. We are happy being child free and can't understand why other couples who are TTC or mutual friends with kids can't "get it".

I'm already gravitating my life around other couples who are CF and suggest others who are CF do the same. We just went on a cruise and have 2 more vacations planned for 2011. We also enjoy going to NYC for dinner, Broadway shows and other activities that most couples our age with kids can't do easily (like going to Atlantic City for a weekend on a whim).

I wouldn't care or worry about these comments, they are just jealous that your savings and retirement accounts are fatter without kids!