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Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

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jennyg
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/05

633 total posts

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Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I am so torn about what to do - my Dh and I both have sales jobs in Manhattan that require us to be out of the house from 7am - 6:30pm on a good day. We have two children aged 2 and 1. Mornings are chaotic even though we have a nanny, and I only work 4 days a week.

This morning we were both zombies as my DD didn't sleep much last night, I had no clean clothes (b/c I can never make it home in time to p/u the dry cleaning) and we wound up missing the train by about 30 seconds. My DH blows up and says "this isn't working anymore. We can't keep up this pace, nothing gets done at home, we fight all the time and its just too hard." Even though I agree with him for the most part, I'm just not sure if me quitting is the right solution. I make slightly more than him and I think it would be really tight on one salary. He has mentioned taking my bonus from the year to supplement our income for the next year.

We are strongly considering moving to the Denver area where we could almost own our house outright and could live on one salary. But I guess I am torn about being a stay at home mom. As hectic as our lives are, its always "divide and conquer" with us. He picks up so much slack at home, is a huge help with the kids, cooks etc. I am afraid that if I quit, it will not be a partnership anymore. I see so many posts about SAHM that are frustrated b/c they are with their kids all day their DH don't understand that they need a break too. I just don't know what to do....

Posted 9/5/07 3:56 PM
 
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JRG71
*****************

Member since 5/05

5025 total posts

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Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

What about working part time?

Posted 9/5/07 3:59 PM
 

Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!

Member since 6/06

14437 total posts

Name:
C

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I was going to suggest part-time as well...maybe 2 or 3 days instead of 4?

Posted 9/5/07 4:01 PM
 

LuvMy2Girls
@>---------

Member since 5/05

11165 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I was thinking part time too. If you are thinking of SAHM, def talk to DH about your concerns about sharing of duties and how much work it actually is to stay at home.

I was a full time working mom and now I am SAHM, DH helps out just as much now as he did when i worked. He understands that my day can be just as stressful as his and I never get a day off or get to clock out and he gladly helps out.

He actually tells people at work when they ask what I do, she works at home as SAHM.

Posted 9/5/07 4:07 PM
 

jennyg
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/05

633 total posts

Name:

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I wish - working 4 days is definitely the exception around here but I've been with the company 9 years, used to be in mgmt (before kids) and so I definitely earned the right to part time. Plus, I wouldn't be able to get everything done in four days.

Posted 9/5/07 4:08 PM
 

Calla
My girls

Member since 7/05

4303 total posts

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Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Why the assumption that you'd stay home? If he's the one who thinks something isn't working, and you are making more money, have you considered having him stay home?

Posted 9/5/07 4:11 PM
 

jennyg
LIF Adolescent

Member since 5/05

633 total posts

Name:

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Posted by Calla

Why the assumption that you'd stay home? If he's the one who thinks something isn't working, and you are making more money, have you considered having him stay home?



Surely, you jest! He has stayed home with them a few days when our nanny was sick etc and he literally was exhausted by 3pm. He fully admits that its harder than going to work!!

Plus, he is on the career path at the moment, not me. And truthfully, if one of us has to stay home, I would want it to be me.

Posted 9/5/07 4:14 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I am the SAHM who's husband fits the mold you described. When we both worked it was almost 50/50 at home. Now, not even close.

Also, I am the SAHM in NC, away from all family. Its a lonely little life. My alternative was staying in NY and commuting to the city...I would never see the baby so I moved. As much as a simpleton that I have become, I never had a second thought about going back to NY and doing the commute.Chat Icon

Posted 9/5/07 4:18 PM
 

SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?

Member since 7/06

8069 total posts

Name:
Susan

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Posted by Janice

I am the SAHM who's husband fits the mold you described. When we both worked it was almost 50/50 at home. Now, not even close.

Also, I am the SAHM in NC, away from all family. Its a lonely little life. My alternative was staying in NY and commuting to the city...I would never see the baby so I moved. As much as a simpleton that I have become, I never had a second thought about going back to NY and doing the commute.Chat Icon



My story is almost exactly the same minus the commute. But I did not have a job I loved. I miss the social aspects - that's about it. It is very hard for me to keep up with everything at home, but my DH travels for work and we have no help from family or friends. Will you miss work? Can you work for another company PT? Do have other reasons for moving to Denver (any family/friends there, love the area, etc)? I truly love staying home with DD, but it is much harder than I expected. My DD is not a good napper though. That's a huge part of my problem.

Posted 9/5/07 4:38 PM
 

Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys

Member since 5/05

9306 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Message edited 3/31/2010 1:46:58 PM.

Posted 9/5/07 4:42 PM
 

Sassyz75
Turning a new page

Member since 5/05

9731 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

maybe the immediate/quick fix would be to employ some type of personal conceirge- someone who would run errands for you- food shopping, pick up your laundry, do drop offs, etc...
or, maybe this is something you can pay your nanny extra to do on the day you are home so that way at least you have clean clothing for the next week..

I work in the city too and am out of the house between 7.45-6.30 so I understand- the only way we get by is by being a well-oiled machines.. .everything layed out the night before- and it is all about routine - from meals being planned out, to lunches packed, etc etc... it is doable, it IS hard..

as for being a SAHM- it doesn't sound to me like it is something you want to do... I like working- and sure, getting home at 6.30 it's non stop- and sometimes DH and I don't eat until 8.30-9pm but it isn't going to be like this forever... a few more years, the kids will be in school, staying up later, etc etc... sometimes I think I might actually MISS this crazyness when it passes.

Posted 9/5/07 5:17 PM
 

USAFmrs
LIF Adolescent

Member since 11/06

796 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

I am one for DEFINTELY moving out of state... so I would say hell yeah about the move to denver!!

Wuestion.. if you have a Nanny.. how come she isnt helping out with some of the things necessary for you and DH to deal with on your day to day work schedule? Can you ask/tell her to maybe pick up the dry cleaning/drop it off/ get lunches ready, etc- so its one less thing you ahve to doi??

Posted 9/5/07 6:43 PM
 

greenybeans
:)

Member since 8/06

6435 total posts

Name:

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Well if you make more money & don't really want to stay home maybe he can drop down to part-time or be a SAHD.

Posted 9/5/07 9:45 PM
 

smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!

Member since 5/06

32461 total posts

Name:
me

Re: Huge Fight w/ DH - Working Mom related (Long)

Posted by Sassyz75

maybe the immediate/quick fix would be to employ some type of personal conceirge- someone who would run errands for you- food shopping, pick up your laundry, do drop offs, etc...
or, maybe this is something you can pay your nanny extra to do on the day you are home so that way at least you have clean clothing for the next week.



ITA. Instead of the loss of income from being SAHM, could you hire a cleaning lady if the nanny does not want more $$$ to clean? That may be more $$$ upfront but you would still have your job and bring income vs losing your income. Otherwise, I would consider PT.

I personally would never NOT work. I will always at least work PT.

Posted 9/5/07 10:07 PM
 
 

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