going from FTWM to SAHM?

Did any of you have a hard time with this? DD #1 is 14 months and I went back to work after 3 months my mother watched her while I was at work. Now since I had DD#2( she is 5 weeks) DH and decided that I am not going back to work. I am having a hard time keeping up with everything...housework, laundry, cooking. Basically working Ft was easier lol I dont know how you SAHM's do it.

Also I have been fighting with DH so much cause once he comes home I am ready to loose it, being cooped up all day in the house doing nothing but feeding changing diapers and cleaning up mess after mess I am starting to feel resentment that he gets to be away for half the day. I know I probably sound like a bad mom but I am having a hard time with this transition. Any tips? could this be a form of PPD? Help

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

sounds completely normal. i went from working ft to being home ft w/twins. its very overwhelming but u def adjust. the best way to not lose it is to get out. go outside, go to a store, a park, something, even just walks. it helps get rid of the being cooped up feeling

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

It is a hard transition. It takes time to get into a routine and to find out how the day will go. Try getting out of the house. I felt so trapped, but I made myslef leave the house even to go get a muffin or coffee. Just that littl ebit is enough. It is exhausting and I do feel like it's so nice DH get's to just be Dad when he's home, but when does my day end? Ya know...when do I get to "clock out" of the daily cleaning duties and so on. My suggestion is talk to your DH and give yourself time to change. It's a huge stepa nd transition so you can't expect to jump right in. It seems like you should since you are the Mom, but I found it's not that simple. I do not think it's PPD, I think it's just having a huge change and not having a routine yet and not having been a SAHM before you just need time. FM anytime and we can chat! I have been hitting this rut again and took DD to the park yesterday to have a picnic and to watch the geese. It was a quick break and it did us both good!

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

Four years ago, I was in a very similar situation to you. I had just had my 2nd daughter--who was 1.5 years younger than her sister--and at that point became a SAHM. It wasn't an easy tranisiton because I loved my job very much and missed it a ton. Also, the SAHM thing just wasn't my scene.

First, you don't sound like a bad mom to me...and probably not to anybody. What's bad about feeling frustrated and trapped? Sounds completely normal to me.

Next, you need to give yourself some time. The baby is ONLY 5 weeks old! Not only that, your first DD is STILL a baby! That's a tough one! You're only beginning to get this mom-of-two thing down. Routine? That might take another couple of months, honestly. Don't stress it...it will come!

Now, I don't know your situation, but try not to feel resentful of your DH--jealous maybe, but not resentful. Did he force you to SAH or was it an equal choice? Because if it was your choice then accept it, realize it sucks right now but somebody around there needs to go to work and make some money! If it was a real choice, then that's actually very liberating...know that if you absolutely hate it after a year (or whatever timeline...) then you can make the choice to go back to work.

Lastly, realize these days are fleeting. It was four years ago (plus one more baby) for me and honestly, it flew by. I no longer hate it; my girls are in school, we have a nice little routine, I'm free to do laundry, housework, cooking at MY leisure (for the most part )--a luxury working moms don't have and now I can't imagine holding it all together if I were still working.

Hang in there...you'll get there!!

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

Being a SAHM is exhausting. The only way I can equate it, is to doing manual labor There is certainly a learning curve just like with any "job." Once you get "trained" things become easier but never "easy." I find if I dont get my azz out of the house (even to go get a gallon of milk) I go stir crazy. Throw DC in the snap and go and go for a walk....anything. The important thing is to know that for most, not EVERYTHING can get done EVERYDAY. On good days, DH comes home to a tidy house and a well balanced meal. On bad days, you'd think a bomb went off and we order pizza. Hang in there

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

Posted by Eireann

Four years ago, I was in a very similar situation to you. I had just had my 2nd daughter--who was 1.5 years younger than her sister--and at that point became a SAHM. It wasn't an easy tranisiton because I loved my job very much and missed it a ton. Also, the SAHM thing just wasn't my scene.

First, you don't sound like a bad mom to me...and probably not to anybody. What's bad about feeling frustrated and trapped? Sounds completely normal to me.

Next, you need to give yourself some time. The baby is ONLY 5 weeks old! Not only that, your first DD is STILL a baby! That's a tough one! You're only beginning to get this mom-of-two thing down. Routine? That might take another couple of months, honestly. Don't stress it...it will come!

Now, I don't know your situation, but try not to feel resentful of your DH--jealous maybe, but not resentful. Did he force you to SAH or was it an equal choice? Because if it was your choice then accept it, realize it sucks right now but somebody around there needs to go to work and make some money! If it was a real choice, then that's actually very liberating...know that if you absolutely hate it after a year (or whatever timeline...) then you can make the choice to go back to work.

Lastly, realize these days are fleeting. It was four years ago (plus one more baby) for me and honestly, it flew by. I no longer hate it; my girls are in school, we have a nice little routine, I'm free to do laundry, housework, cooking at MY leisure (for the most part )--a luxury working moms don't have and now I can't imagine holding it all together if I were still working.

Hang in there...you'll get there!!

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

Yup, it's definitely tough to adjust. And I became a SAHM with the thought that I'd do some freelance work here and there....well I've had steady work since I gave my notice late March so I'm working during naps, at night, and have to have my mother or MIL come over at least once a week. I told DH the other night that I feel like a mess--I can't seem to get anything organized and the house is not as clean as I'd like it to be. And I also feel like I'm missing out on beautiful days! I'm hoping I'll adjust and find my groove soon. I have figure out a way to balance the work, the cleaning, and quality time with DD (that is after all, while I decided to stay home).

Hang in there!

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

I would just take it one day at a time-- you have a newborn.... that's such a difficult time, especially with an older child who's just a baby too.

I think being a SAHM of an infant/older baby is TOUGH. Honestly, toughest job I've ever had. But give it a chance-- it gets infinitely better and then SAH ends up being a pretty good deal in my opinion. I'm a SAHM of a 5 yo and a 2 yo, and I would never want to be working right now... my older child goes to school (and in the summer, goes to camp just for the mornings), my younger one takes a nice afternoon nap, and there's just such a great routine in place. Things get done during the week, so that weekends are for fun and family time, not chores. I wake up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and watch the news... I'm not hustling out the door to do a daycare dropoff and get to work on time. You just have to get through this tough infant stage and let a routine develop

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

I am going to save this for my future repeat reading... I am due in 12 days with my 2nd, my DD is 22 months.

I have just finished working this past Friday, and actually have a schedule that's working (at the moment) I KNOW it will go out the window...

but fresh air, and summertime, try to get outside for a walk, it will help. enjoy this time of being a SAHM, and like a previous poster mentioned not everything can get done everyday. And thats OK!!!!

Good Luck to you

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

Sounds normal. I became a SAHM when DS was 12 months old, after being back since he was 8 weeks and being away 12 hours per day. Not easy with one, I can only imagine how much more difficult now that you have two. It takes some getting used to. At least it's summer now and you can go for walks. I started in Fall/Winter and it was so difficult being cooped up.

I don't get everything done at home. When he naps (like now), I need a break. I thought that being a SAHM meant my house would be spotless, dinner on the table every night - I envisioned this perfect life, it's not. I LOVE though that me and my DS have this amazing bond and that I get to see all kinds of 1sts. I still get excited about every new thing he does.

It takes some time to adust. Not only are you adjusting to having a newborn again but to a completely different lifestyle. Take it easy, do what you can, and don't put pressure on yourself. I'm in my 9th month of SAHMommyhood and it's still hard sometimes.

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

I worked FT until my first DS was 14 months. I have since had another, and they are 3 and 1.

The hardest time was when the baby was under 3 months. Lack of sleep, hormones, I felt overwhelmed a lot. Taking care of my 2 year old (who became very needy and fearful when his brother was born) and a newborn, there were long days. My DH is gone for 11-12 hours every day. Plus, we moved OOS and I didn't have family around.

But it got MUCH easier as time went on. Once the baby was 6 months, I got into the routine. Now I love it. I agree with PP's- getting out of the house at least once a day helps. I signed up the toddler for music and gym classes, and it was easy bringing the baby in the carrier. It will get better, now is the hardest time.


Also, when DH is home, or if you can get a sitter, make sure you have a time for you, to get out alone, at least once a week. Pedicure, gym, shopping, coffee with friends, whatever That will help too.

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

thanks for all the reply's and support I feel so much better knowing I am not alone. The hardest thing is not being able to go do the things I used to be able to do with just 1 having 2 is alot harder to get out. I feel like I plan my day around feedings and naps LOL

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

I've given up work earlier this year after having my second child, and the only thing I have found difficult is not having the disposible income that I used to have, I haven't got my own money which I find frustrating! But as far as keeping busy, thats been no problem at all, my calendar is filled with playdates, babygroups, classes, meetings etc...

I also have a 5 year old son who is in school, and I find that the school run times keep me to a routine. So I take him to school at 8.35 and pick him up at 3, thats also a big part of my day as there is a lot of social activity around drop off and pick up. I am on the comittee of my playgroups, part of the PTA at school. Most days I leave the house at 8.35 and don't return home until 4 pm. So for me its not been a difficult transition.

Good luck! You will get there!

Re: going from FTWM to SAHM?

I am FTWM who is home on maternity leave but mine are about the same age difference as your 2 are and are now 16 months and 2.5 months. I think with having 2 close together, there are days were I feel like I feed one, then the next, change one, then change the other, console one from crying, then the next, etc. It's non-stop and really hard to get anything else done.

What made things easier for me was to limit my "to do" list and to get out of the house. I don't try to do everything in one day. I don't cook every night and when I do, its really simple.

I also keep a stocked diaper bag in the car so I don't have to worry about packing it every day. I load the double-stroller in the car and out we go. Often, we just walk around a store or something, but it makes a huge difference in the day! I also find that as my younger is getting older, its getting better.

I am going back to work, but know how you are feeling right now!