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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
It's a toss up. When I was on maternity leave, being a sahm was hard as hell-- I was exhausted being with a crying baby all day long! Now I'm a ftwm & still completely exhausted all the time & still hardly get any sleep or have time for anything. So both are really really hard in different ways.
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Posted 1/8/14 6:45 PM  |
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Honestly both are hard work, both require sacrifices. It's not fair to compare them. They are two different jobs and in my opinion equally as hard.
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| Posted 1/8/14 7:10 PM |
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I'm a PTWM. I usually work from 5-8am in the morning, OR 4-8pm at night. So I either work before or after a full day with my LO. Long. A$$. Days. is an understatement, but it works for us as a family right now.
So of course I think EVERYONE has it easier than me 
In reality, no mom has it "easy". We all have our own struggles and our own "the grass is greener" moments. We all do what is best for our families, and hopefully ourselves. The whole Mom Wars thing is DRAINING. It's too bad we can't just support each other on this crazy beautiful journey.
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| Posted 1/8/14 7:42 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Being a mom is hard work...Whether you work or stay at home. There are pros and cons to each! It's so sad that many women have to belittle others for the choices they make. No one makes easy decisions!
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| Posted 1/8/14 7:45 PM |
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Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Each are harder in different ways. It also depends on your kids, if dh helps out, his work hours, if you have a cleaning lady, babysitter, demanding job etc. I don't think a sahm/ftwm is in a position to say a ftwm/sahm has it easier because they aren't in each others shoes in their exact life.
I'd like to say that if I were a sahm my house would be a lot cleaner but that's probably not true 
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| Posted 1/8/14 8:05 PM |
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luvmotherhood
california dreamin'
Member since 2/13 1443 total posts
Name:
love my family!
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FTWM vs SAHM
i agree that i think those who work part time have it made.
its the perfect balance between ftwm and sahm.
unfortunately for me, financially i have no choice but to be a ftwm.
if we could afford it, i would love to be pt. we would never be able to afford to live here in Long Island with just one salary though, so being a SAHM was never an option for me.
in a way, i feel resentful because i WANT to be home with my kid- as previous posters have said, i dont want to be bringing my kid out at 6 am in 7 degree weather to day care and go to work all day and miss everything. i wish i was with her every day, teaching her, enjoying her.
i get 2 hours with her a night and weekends.
and i need to find time to do food shopping, cleaning, laundry, cook, etc.
i am constantly exhausted.
that being said, when i am home with her on weekends, it is a tough job. being at home is tough. but i would much rather be spending time with my daughter than working, any day, if i could.
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| Posted 1/8/14 8:35 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I say equal. I realized it is all about lifestyle and daily routine. Most people just get used to things, so it seems easier. When someone has a routine it seems less stressful.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:03 PM |
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clmj2
cant believe hes gone
Member since 3/07 4407 total posts
Name:
Candice
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I have been a married SAHM
a married FTWM
a single (husband passed away) FTWM
a single SAHM
a single (with bf, not living together) Student mother (went back to school)
it's not a comparison, everything has its challenges and its rewards.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:11 PM |
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MrsKelly
just hangin' around...
Member since 11/06 6305 total posts
Name:
Krista
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by LiveForMoments
In reality, no mom has it "easy". We all have our own struggles and our own "the grass is greener" moments. We all do what is best for our families, and hopefully ourselves. The whole Mom Wars thing is DRAINING. It's too bad we can't just support each other on this crazy beautiful journey.
this.
I think you can't really compare the two necessarily bc there's definitely pros and cons to each.
and every family's dynamic and situation is different. there's so many differing factors. I think mommyhood is hard, no matter how you slice it.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:15 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Im a FTWM and I think being a SAHM is MUCH harder.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:31 PM |
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AprilBabyBoy
LIF Infant
Member since 7/13 206 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by nycgirl
Depends on what type of job you have... and probably how many kids you have.
I think I agree with this! For those that do also, what professions do we think would qualify as making a FTWM the "harder" option?
FTWM here with 2 little ones. I think FTWM is most likely the harder option. Just getting my little ones up and into the daycare center is crazy hard. Then all of the pressure during the day and limited evening time = HARD.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:45 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I've been a FTWM. I was gone 12 hours a day and working in NYC in a demanding job with a horrible witch of a supervisor. I became a SAHM when DS1 was 1. Having experienced both, I 100% without a doubt believe that being a SAHM is harder than being a working mom. Emotionally, leaving my child to go to work all day, 5 days a week was harder but aside from that, being a SAHM is much more challenging and "harder."
ETA: And this was with 1 child. Now that I have 2, I'd pay to go to work some days, lol. I actually work PT, 10 hrs a week. I look forward to those 10 hrs.
Message edited 1/8/2014 9:59:40 PM.
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| Posted 1/8/14 9:57 PM |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
It depends. I'm a FTWM but I do shift work. So there are days I am with DD 24/7. I get it both ways; feeling mommy guilt for leaving and also feeling exhausted from being with DD nonstop.
I think how hands on your DH is also makes a difference. We don't have help so it's just us. If I work on the weekend DH is by himself too. When I wake up I'll take DD for a few hours before I get ready to go back to work that night.
I guess it's how you've adapted to your own situation that makes the biggest difference. If you are constantly battling mommy guilt for working then you aren't going to enjoy being a FTWM. And if you get ZERO personal time then I think being a SAHM wouldn't be 100% enjoyable either.
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| Posted 1/8/14 10:08 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I used to think I had it harder (SAHM). But let me tell you...I started going back to school to get nursing pre reqs done..and running out to class, leaving the kids for DH to be with for hours at night/weekends etc..holy crap. It gave me a glimpse into a working moms life and I give them so much more credit now!! (always did, but even moreso!!)
There are tons of factors to consider too. For ME I love being a SAHM. I love being home with the kids and couldn't ever imagine them with anyone else but me. So I guess I have made it a goal to MAKE it fun and rewarding.
I have other SAHM friends I get together with every week. The kids play, we talk, get coffee, go to the gym (put kids in gym daycare for an hour) etc..for me it's been rewarding to be there all the time BUT I understand 100% that it isn't for everyone...for me, it gets better and better with time. So many fun things to do with the kids when they're little..day trips to DC (i live in MD), annapolis, parks, doing crafts etc...AND i have time to make dinner and keep the house OK. I know as a working mom that stuff is harder to keep in order. I don't know how working moms do it. I honestly don't.
In 2 years I'll have my dream career hopefully (an RN). I will work nights/weekends to stay home with Nolan until he's in kindergarten. I know life will be crazy but I look forward to the new stuff.
Either way, being just a MOM in general is challenging, rewarding and the best and hardest thing ever. It's all relative and there is no one right answer!
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| Posted 1/8/14 10:53 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Also, so many factors that make it easier/harder at times...
Is there family around to help?
Are you financially secure? (being a poor SAHM isn't always fun)
Personalities of the baby/kids! (a colicky baby or tough toddler vs a pleasant smiley baby/easy toddler can really change opinions!!)
Does the mom love her career? Or is it just something to pay the bills?
Does DH help a lot? Supportive of either decision?
These plus SO MANY more things can influence how one feels on the issue.
I have no family to help. But i have a supportive DH who does everything. We haven't ever had a lot of money, but we also are OK for now with little things here and there as opposed to big vacations/new wardrobes etc..
I hated my last job prior to becoming a SAHM so being at home was way better than what I was doing. Becoming a nurse I hope will change that mindset and I will like what I do and find it rewarding
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| Posted 1/8/14 10:58 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
They are both hard. Of course both are
But inwouldnlove to eat lunch hot and with both hands or pee alone with out my kids watching me lol
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| Posted 1/8/14 11:26 PM |
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ItsaJoya19
my cup runneth over
Member since 1/10 2949 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I was a FTWM and that was HARD
I'm now a SAHM and its HARD
Both are hard in different ways.
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| Posted 1/8/14 11:35 PM |
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stargazerlily
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/11 706 total posts
Name:
Lara
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by HeyJude
I've done both. FTWM is harder for me. I have to do everything I did as a SAHM, but crammed into less hours & it takes time away from just playing with my kids.
This exactly. I think it is a great challenge to be home all day with kids and I would never say that a SAHM doesn't work. But I have to do all the same mommy things on top of a full time job. It's a tremendous undertaking and much harder than I expected.
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| Posted 1/8/14 11:45 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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FTWM vs SAHM
I am a FTWM and I think being a Sahm is harder, I'm shot by the end of the day when I am off.
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| Posted 1/8/14 11:50 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by stargazerlily
Posted by HeyJude
I've done both. FTWM is harder for me. I have to do everything I did as a SAHM, but crammed into less hours & it takes time away from just playing with my kids.
This exactly. I think it is a great challenge to be home all day with kids and I would never say that a SAHM doesn't work. But I have to do all the same mommy things on top of a full time job. It's a tremendous undertaking and much harder than I expected.
That makes sense, although running errands with a baby is hard. At least sahm's have the option to go to Target during the day, etc. Also, for me even if I am running to Home Depot with my baby, I make it into a fun event and bonding experience.
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| Posted 1/8/14 11:59 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by Strawberry2468
Each are harder in different ways. It also depends on your kids, if dh helps out, his work hours, if you have a cleaning lady, babysitter, demanding job etc. I don't think a sahm/ftwm is in a position to say a ftwm/sahm has it easier because they aren't in each others shoes in their exact life.
I'd like to say that if I were a sahm my house would be a lot cleaner but that's probably not true
Yes, too many extraneous variables to compare. I also think some people are better equipped to be a SAHM than others.
Eta: I'm a SAHM and love it. As far as hardness goes, everyday is different.
Message edited 1/9/2014 12:49:45 AM.
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| Posted 1/9/14 12:47 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by Eireann
I think it's not quantifiable at all.
This. Exactly.
Everything is hard when it is happening to you.
Message edited 1/9/2014 1:07:14 AM.
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| Posted 1/9/14 12:58 AM |
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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I want to be a SAHM WHOS KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL!! NOW THEY HAVE A GREAT GIG GOING!!!!
IM A FTWM.. IT'S HARD.. I HATE THE RACE 5 DAYS A WEEK AND THE RACE FOR HOUSEWORK ON THE WEEKENDS AND THEN TRY TO GET SOME QUALITY TIME WITH THE FAMILY..
SORRY..I THINK THATS WHAT MAKES FTWM HARDER
ETA: AND TRYING TO GET HOME AND MAKE DINNER!! WHAATT.. THE WORST PART OF MY DAY..
IF YOU ARE FTWM WHO DOESN'T COOK.. DEF MAKES IT A BIT EASIER.. LOL
Message edited 1/9/2014 7:42:32 AM.
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| Posted 1/9/14 7:40 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
Posted by Linda1003
I want to be a SAHM WHOS KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL!! NOW THEY HAVE A GREAT GIG GOING!!!!
IM A FTWM.. IT'S HARD.. I HATE THE RACE 5 DAYS A WEEK AND THE RACE FOR HOUSEWORK ON THE WEEKENDS AND THEN TRY TO GET SOME QUALITY TIME WITH THE FAMILY..
SORRY..I THINK THATS WHAT MAKES FTWM HARDER
ETA: AND TRYING TO GET HOME AND MAKE DINNER!! WHAATT.. THE WORST PART OF MY DAY..
IF YOU ARE FTWM WHO DOESN'T COOK.. DEF MAKES IT A BIT EASIER.. LOL
Crock pot
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| Posted 1/9/14 7:50 AM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: FTWM vs SAHM
I am a FTWM and I think the grass is always greener on the other side.
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| Posted 1/9/14 8:49 AM |
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