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Message edited 5/10/2013 9:19:58 AM.
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Posted 4/2/13 9:30 AM  |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Update...its getting worse
Message edited 4/22/2013 6:59:55 PM.
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| Posted 4/2/13 9:39 PM |
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Update...its getting worse
Message edited 5/10/2013 9:20:46 AM.
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| Posted 4/2/13 10:37 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Update...its getting worse
Uggh. This situation stinks. I'm sorry you are going thru this. I would usher your dh to get him help ASAP.
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| Posted 4/4/13 7:04 AM |
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Update...its getting worse
Message edited 5/10/2013 9:21:56 AM.
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| Posted 4/4/13 8:31 AM |
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Update...its getting worse
Message edited 5/10/2013 9:22:18 AM.
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| Posted 4/4/13 8:32 AM |
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LIVINMYDREAM
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/07 833 total posts
Name:
Erin
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Re: Update...its getting worse
I have to ask this question....
Just reading back a few of your other posts, it doesn't seem like you mentioned that you SS has a "personality disorder" but only that you are having trouble connecting with him due to his mothers trashing you.
Why is it that you think he has a personality disorder ? Could it be that he is just confused because of the things that his mother has said about you to him? Or does he have troubles outside of your home, in life, with friends, school etc...???
Not judging at all, I am just curious...
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| Posted 4/5/13 3:35 PM |
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hope123
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1097 total posts
Name:
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Update...its getting worse
I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know that, to find a doctor who accepts your ss's insurance, you can find that from the insurance company's website or by calling the insurance company.
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| Posted 4/5/13 7:42 PM |
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Re: Update...its getting worse
Posted by LIVINMYDREAM
I have to ask this question....
Just reading back a few of your other posts, it doesn't seem like you mentioned that you SS has a "personality disorder" but only that you are having trouble connecting with him due to his mothers trashing you.
Why is it that you think he has a personality disorder ? Could it be that he is just confused because of the things that his mother has said about you to him? Or does he have troubles outside of your home, in life, with friends, school etc...???
Not judging at all, I am just curious...
He doesn't know how to connect with anyone. His mother finally admitted to my DH that they have no relationship either. Her trashing me has only made it worse. I've always taken it personally but over the last several months he has gotten worse. His mother admitted he has no connection to anyone in her family either. I always thought he just hated me (which he does due to his mother) and I also knew he was "off" (I have posted about that). Everything is just so bad.
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| Posted 4/5/13 9:47 PM |
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Re: Update...its getting worse
Posted by hope123
I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know that, to find a doctor who accepts your ss's insurance, you can find that from the insurance company's website or by calling the insurance company.
Thx....my DH finally got a list from the insurance company and is going to show the list to the pediatrician to see if she recommends any of them.
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| Posted 4/5/13 9:49 PM |
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FranM
And so it goes....
Member since 9/05 2217 total posts
Name:
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Update...its getting worse
How does he do in school ? Has your DH reached out to his teachers, guidance counselors? The district psychologist may have some suggestions or referrals.
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| Posted 4/7/13 9:00 AM |
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Re: Update...its getting worse
Posted by FranM
How does he do in school ? Has your DH reached out to his teachers, guidance counselors? The district psychologist may have some suggestions or referrals.
This is one of the reasons Ive been frustrated. He really doesnt stand out as a red flag in school because his behavior is so perfect. He probably just seems (excuse my choice of words here) "weird" or a little socially off. But because he does ok in school and is not behaior problem nothing really stands out to the teachers I guess. He does have a few friends as he is a little better with kids his own age than adults.
I will tell my DH to try to get a referral from the school if the pediatrician doesnt find him one. thx!
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| Posted 4/8/13 1:49 PM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Update...its getting worse
Wow, just reading about all of this is making me stressed out!!!! This poor kid, he probably is an emotional mess. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and I don't mean this bad but can you perhaps take a step back? You mentioned above that you have been trying like crazy for 9 years and could it just be too much for him? I feel like sometimes you just need to let things happen. You have his mom on one side trying to tear him emotionally away from you and you have you on the other side trying to mold him into a type of person, he's probably completely withdrawn and hiding in his "safe place." He may not be sure of who he is and nobody is giving him the breathing room to figure it out. I'm sure there is so much more to this story but if I recall correctly, in the past, you've made it sound like your DH sort of "checked out" in disciplining this kid and is a complete softy so it seems like you tried to overcompensate by just caring too much. You CAN care too much. :) It's hard to admit it and it's hard to take a step back but it relieves so much pressure. Let his parents work it out and you be there for him, have you tried that? It's wonderful for me to walk alongside my stepchildren as their teammate and be there to support them no matter how they are feeling. I have been in that place where I feel like I know best and where it kills me because I see their parents making stupid choices TRUST ME I have learned lol Listen, just because he doesn't have an "emotional connection" to you or his mom's family, doesn't mean that the kid is a red flag. He's 14, plenty of 14 year olds act that way. Cut him some slack. Let him be 14, let him tune out all of the craziness that comes from a divorced family, let him just be who he is and love him for it. Don't judge him, don't defend yourself against his mom, just let it be for a while and he will figure it out on his own. Kids are smart. If you constantly reject what his mom is saying and try to prove her wrong, you will be putting this kid in the middle of a competition that he never asked to be entered into. However, if you just let his mom be a psycho and you take yourself out of the game, your SS will eventually push away from her drama and gravitate towards the peace he finds in YOU. Trust me. Been there. I love being my SK's happy place, the person that "makes it better" and their confidant. It takes time, YEARS. My apologies if I read any of your story wrong. I can only speak from my own experience so that is what I gave you. I hope it works out. 
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| Posted 4/10/13 9:59 AM |
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Re: Update...its getting worse
Posted by ThePinkGoose
Wow, just reading about all of this is making me stressed out!!!! This poor kid, he probably is an emotional mess. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and I don't mean this bad but can you perhaps take a step back? You mentioned above that you have been trying like crazy for 9 years and could it just be too much for him? I feel like sometimes you just need to let things happen. You have his mom on one side trying to tear him emotionally away from you and you have you on the other side trying to mold him into a type of person, he's probably completely withdrawn and hiding in his "safe place." He may not be sure of who he is and nobody is giving him the breathing room to figure it out. I'm sure there is so much more to this story but if I recall correctly, in the past, you've made it sound like your DH sort of "checked out" in disciplining this kid and is a complete softy so it seems like you tried to overcompensate by just caring too much. You CAN care too much. :) It's hard to admit it and it's hard to take a step back but it relieves so much pressure. Let his parents work it out and you be there for him, have you tried that? It's wonderful for me to walk alongside my stepchildren as their teammate and be there to support them no matter how they are feeling. I have been in that place where I feel like I know best and where it kills me because I see their parents making stupid choices TRUST ME I have learned lol Listen, just because he doesn't have an "emotional connection" to you or his mom's family, doesn't mean that the kid is a red flag. He's 14, plenty of 14 year olds act that way. Cut him some slack. Let him be 14, let him tune out all of the craziness that comes from a divorced family, let him just be who he is and love him for it. Don't judge him, don't defend yourself against his mom, just let it be for a while and he will figure it out on his own. Kids are smart. If you constantly reject what his mom is saying and try to prove her wrong, you will be putting this kid in the middle of a competition that he never asked to be entered into. However, if you just let his mom be a psycho and you take yourself out of the game, your SS will eventually push away from her drama and gravitate towards the peace he finds in YOU. Trust me. Been there. I love being my SK's happy place, the person that "makes it better" and their confidant. It takes time, YEARS. My apologies if I read any of your story wrong. I can only speak from my own experience so that is what I gave you. I hope it works out.
Thank you sooooo much for taking the time out to respond. The first sentence you wrote is exactly how I feel. It is soo stressful. I do feel that he is somewhat "lost" but he also needs a ton of help as he has exhibited strange behaviors for as long as Ive known him. The main problem is that it has been totally neglected and now hes a teenager with crazy hormones running through him. When I said Ive been trying for 9 years , I always tried to be more his friend and show him I really care about him. Unfortunately due to his mothers actions combined with major personality issues, it just never got me anywhere. So now, without ever getting help and and a mother who has basically ignored/neglected his needs combined with a complete lack of skills of how to interact with adults, I am at my wits end. When he is with us, the cloud of tension is just tremendous. He just stands in the middle of a room staring at me or just walking around aimlessly or hiding in his room. FYI his mother finally admitted to my DH he does similar things at her house. He acts like he does not want to be in the house, doesnt talk at the dinner table, barely says hello or goodbye. Its just awful. He ignores my daughter (his half sister) unless others are around than he "acts" like he loves her. He needs soooo much help :(. He honestly freaks me out (sounds mean I know but its true) because its so uncomfortable to be around him. Ive chosen to just back away emotionally, keep my distance (bc in the past ive tried sitting down with him and telling him I cared and wanted to be there for him but it did nothing). Its up to my DH and his ex to fix this. I hope his mother finally wakes up soon unless she will stay in denial mode I guess. BUt in the meantime its just very hard to live like this when hes with us. And I know how hard it is for my DH. He is so close with my sons which im so happy about it. But I know it just exxacerbates how bad it is with his own son. I swear I need a support group for this lol. 
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| Posted 4/11/13 10:33 AM |
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