|
| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 |
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by mommy2be716
Sorry, but you're wrong. You have a child and he is agreeing to have you live in HIS place with HIS child and he's only asking you for $340. I don't think you are seeing a bad side of him- I think it's a side of him that shows he is being responsible for his finances.
Look at it from his perspective. How do you think he feels seeing that his girlfriend, who has no job currently, and who has a child to support, is spending the little bit of child support money they got this month at the nail salon instead of putting it toward rent? I don't think a manicure is going to make or break your job interview.
I understand wanting to do something for yourself because it is necessary to make yourself a priority at times. But going out of your way to say you can't pay for rent and then going out for a "luxury" you don't really need was probably not a great decision.
I honestly dont think that you or most people on here read posts in their entirety here. I never said the rent wasn't getting paid. I said it WILL be in a couole of weeks after I get my first paycheck. This is the first time a delay has occured. I have only been living with him for a few months. Every time I help him out by giving him the money on time or even earlier than our agreed date.
I would never begrudge him for getting his hair cut or buying s new shirt for a new job for $35.00! Especially if i know he would give me the money, just a couple of weeks later. Appreciate your opinion. Thank you.
|
Posted 2/14/20 11:22 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
|
Need advice
I can kind of see where he is coming from, but...I think he was wrong to say anything. If you were to spend $340 on something like hair, nails, etc. then he has every right. But, you spent $35.
I would keep my eyes and ears open if any other situation like this comes up because couples are supposed to lean on each other when the chips are down.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:24 AM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
Exactly my point. Thank you to someone who gets it and understands.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:25 AM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:28 AM |
| |
|
LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I don’t think we need to debate manicure prices. She got a new job. If she hadn’t gotten a new job I’d agree that perhaps the $35 would have been better spent elsewhere. But she did get a new job. So we’re talking about her needing her first paycheck. It’s a one time deal. She’s not going to need 2 extra weeks going forward.
And if I were a landlord and found out my tenant lost their job but got a new one and needed 2 extra weeks I’d be fine with it. Because sometimes things happen.
I also wouldn’t say a man who did the same was no good.
I can’t get behind that fact that anyone would begrudge a single mother who just dealt with a job loss for spending $35 to reward herself for finding a new job.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:38 AM |
| |
|
BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Honestly, he sounds like a d@ck, and once you get your job and finances in place, I would start looking for your own place. $35?! He needs to get a grip.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:43 AM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I will respond directly to you since you passively commented on my situation which clearly you dont know all the facts.. i wouldn't expect anyone here to its a message board on social media.. again, the money inagreed to pay is being given to him in two weeks. Not a situation where i am forgoing on what i agreed upon.
I dont live in NY anymore. Im in Florida and nails and hair here is more expensive than long island. I have healthy nails which here us 35 to fill.
There is no going out to get beers..on his side or my side. We are teo grown adulta 45 and 46 years old. The point is.. a red flag comes up when a bf who youre not matried to makes a snide remark about how me spending my money when i had already had a conversation with him that the money i agreed to give him would be only a couple of werks later and he was totslly fine with that.
I saw it as a flag hes going to be controlling.. and that is what I am mainly concerned about here which I think you ladies are missing the point.
I had a 10 year marriage where the guy was a total con artist narcissistic sociopath and I will NOT spend my time living with any man who tells me how to soend my money.
I even offered to give him extra for waiting a couple weeks who knows, I may even get another alimony check in prior to my first paycheck, and I will be able to give it to him sooner.. which he is well aware of.
At the end of the day, I have to look out for my son and I and id i see flags with him being potentially controlling.. I am not going to stay around. I wouldn't be homeless.
I have an emergency fund.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:44 AM |
| |
|
mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
Posted by mommy2be716
Sorry, but you're wrong. You have a child and he is agreeing to have you live in HIS place with HIS child and he's only asking you for $340. I don't think you are seeing a bad side of him- I think it's a side of him that shows he is being responsible for his finances.
Look at it from his perspective. How do you think he feels seeing that his girlfriend, who has no job currently, and who has a child to support, is spending the little bit of child support money they got this month at the nail salon instead of putting it toward rent? I don't think a manicure is going to make or break your job interview.
I understand wanting to do something for yourself because it is necessary to make yourself a priority at times. But going out of your way to say you can't pay for rent and then going out for a "luxury" you don't really need was probably not a great decision.
I honestly dont think that you or most people on here read posts in their entirety here. I never said the rent wasn't getting paid. I said it WILL be in a couole of weeks after I get my first paycheck. This is the first time a delay has occured. I have only been living with him for a few months. Every time I help him out by giving him the money on time or even earlier than our agreed date.
I would never begrudge him for getting his hair cut or buying s new shirt for a new job for $35.00! Especially if i know he would give me the money, just a couple of weeks later. Appreciate your opinion. Thank you.
With all due respect, you posted saying "need advice" and then followed up with "What do you think about this?" If you didn't want varying opinions, don't ask.
Additionally, I did read your post. Which is why I wrote that I understand needing to do something for yourself every once in awhile. However, my OPINION is that if you have a child to support, your ex provided a smaller than normal child support payment this month, you are currently unemployed, AND did not pay your rent for this month, then it was not a good decision to go out and get a manicure.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:46 AM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I don’t think we need to debate manicure prices. She got a new job. If she hadn’t gotten a new job I’d agree that perhaps the $35 would have been better spent elsewhere. But she did get a new job. So we’re talking about her needing her first paycheck. It’s a one time deal. She’s not going to need 2 extra weeks going forward.
And if I were a landlord and found out my tenant lost their job but got a new one and needed 2 extra weeks I’d be fine with it. Because sometimes things happen.
I also wouldn’t say a man who did the same was no good.
I can’t get behind that fact that anyone would begrudge a single mother who just dealt with a job loss for spending $35 to reward herself for finding a new job.
Thank you whole heartedly. You get it. ;)
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:49 AM |
| |
|
klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:51 AM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by BargainMama
Honestly, he sounds like a d@ck, and once you get your job and finances in place, I would start looking for your own place. $35?! He needs to get a grip.
I have this gut feeling too.. now I am starting to womder if thisnisnwht his ex eife left him.. he was controlling with finances maybe .. he haf told me she was hiding money at the end.. perhaps she saw this side to him too and was like NOPE i am out!
I already put it in the back of my mind that once im established at my new job I sm going to see where were3at and most likely move forward if he keeps making comments . I also didny like it that he said something a couole weeks ago now that i remember abiut how he should be given my sons child support and how he pays for food. Meanwhile i always take care of my son first.. i contribute to buyung food as well. For example i went out and spent $70 of my own money for superbowl food and he handed me $20. i was grateful for the 20 but if i werr him i would have given him half. I see little thungs like this and its bothering me...
|
| Posted 2/14/20 11:56 AM |
| |
|
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I will respond directly to you since you passively commented on my situation which clearly you dont know all the facts.. i wouldn't expect anyone here to its a message board on social media.. again, the money inagreed to pay is being given to him in two weeks. Not a situation where i am forgoing on what i agreed upon.
I dont live in NY anymore. Im in Florida and nails and hair here is more expensive than long island. I have healthy nails which here us 35 to fill.
There is no going out to get beers..on his side or my side. We are teo grown adulta 45 and 46 years old. The point is.. a red flag comes up when a bf who youre not matried to makes a snide remark about how me spending my money when i had already had a conversation with him that the money i agreed to give him would be only a couple of werks later and he was totslly fine with that.
I saw it as a flag hes going to be controlling.. and that is what I am mainly concerned about here which I think you ladies are missing the point.
I had a 10 year marriage where the guy was a total con artist narcissistic sociopath and I will NOT spend my time living with any man who tells me how to soend my money.
I even offered to give him extra for waiting a couple weeks who knows, I may even get another alimony check in prior to my first paycheck, and I will be able to give it to him sooner.. which he is well aware of.
At the end of the day, I have to look out for my son and I and id i see flags with him being potentially controlling.. I am not going to stay around. I wouldn't be homeless.
I have an emergency fund.
of course none of us know your entire situation. You posted asking for advice. As a nearly middle aged woman I would think you would have a better understanding about finances than a 25 year old. So yes, you are irresponsible and he may or may not be controlling. I am sorry you married a narcissist. Each person is an individual so you can’t judge this person by your last husband. Florida does have higher nail polish prices, fine. But you could have gone to Publix and spent $7 for a bottle of polish to DIY. Or just file them and save up. Or this is an emergency, use your emergency fund to pay rent, and replenish your emergency fund in a week or two. You have a child. I think going out for a mani when you can’t afford rent is irresponsible as a parent.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:03 PM |
| |
|
alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I will respond directly to you since you passively commented on my situation which clearly you dont know all the facts.. i wouldn't expect anyone here to its a message board on social media.. again, the money inagreed to pay is being given to him in two weeks. Not a situation where i am forgoing on what i agreed upon.
I dont live in NY anymore. Im in Florida and nails and hair here is more expensive than long island. I have healthy nails which here us 35 to fill.
There is no going out to get beers..on his side or my side. We are teo grown adulta 45 and 46 years old. The point is.. a red flag comes up when a bf who youre not matried to makes a snide remark about how me spending my money when i had already had a conversation with him that the money i agreed to give him would be only a couple of werks later and he was totslly fine with that.
I saw it as a flag hes going to be controlling.. and that is what I am mainly concerned about here which I think you ladies are missing the point.
I had a 10 year marriage where the guy was a total con artist narcissistic sociopath and I will NOT spend my time living with any man who tells me how to soend my money.
I even offered to give him extra for waiting a couple weeks who knows, I may even get another alimony check in prior to my first paycheck, and I will be able to give it to him sooner.. which he is well aware of.
At the end of the day, I have to look out for my son and I and id i see flags with him being potentially controlling.. I am not going to stay around. I wouldn't be homeless.
I have an emergency fund.
Wait!!!! You have an emergency fund? Then take the couple hundred from there and pay him. Pay yourself back in 2 weeks.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:05 PM |
| |
|
MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I will respond directly to you since you passively commented on my situation which clearly you dont know all the facts.. i wouldn't expect anyone here to its a message board on social media.. again, the money inagreed to pay is being given to him in two weeks. Not a situation where i am forgoing on what i agreed upon.
I dont live in NY anymore. Im in Florida and nails and hair here is more expensive than long island. I have healthy nails which here us 35 to fill.
There is no going out to get beers..on his side or my side. We are teo grown adulta 45 and 46 years old. The point is.. a red flag comes up when a bf who youre not matried to makes a snide remark about how me spending my money when i had already had a conversation with him that the money i agreed to give him would be only a couple of werks later and he was totslly fine with that.
I saw it as a flag hes going to be controlling.. and that is what I am mainly concerned about here which I think you ladies are missing the point.
I had a 10 year marriage where the guy was a total con artist narcissistic sociopath and I will NOT spend my time living with any man who tells me how to soend my money.
I even offered to give him extra for waiting a couple weeks who knows, I may even get another alimony check in prior to my first paycheck, and I will be able to give it to him sooner.. which he is well aware of.
At the end of the day, I have to look out for my son and I and id i see flags with him being potentially controlling.. I am not going to stay around. I wouldn't be homeless.
I have an emergency fund.
You asked for advice and i still agree with him. I would see it as a red flag on your part too if i was him. He may not feel spending money on a luxury service is something that you need vs a want. My husband is very much the same way and knows how to save and handle money without spending it frivolously.
If you feel he is controlling your finances then i wouldn't live with him or anyone because your apparently living with him and with the kids so it is like a family household that has to take all money going in and out into consideration. Living on your own then you do whatever you want with your own money.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:06 PM |
| |
|
blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
after reading the comments here is my thoughts.
I think you were kind of wrong. It would annoy me if someone owed me money and they went out and got nails done which is not a necessity. But i would consider the situation first.
What I think you should have done was say listen I know I dont have the $340 and I will be giving it to you in 2 weeks but I really would like to get my nails done do you mind even though I owe you money?
Now if he would have said yes I mind I want the money I would say he is being a jerk but I think you should have at least ran it by him first to be considerate.
You also said you have a emergency fund if that's the case why dont you just take out of it pay the rent and put it back when you get paid? This way you are not owing him anything?
Maybe he is hurting for money and doesn't want to tell you.
either way you guys clearly need to talk about your financial situations.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:07 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
I am starting to see it now that way. Yes
Back in late 2019 he told me the company he works for finally offered health insurance to their employees but that it was going to put him.back $400/month.
We began talking about me moving in to his place
Shortly after.. i lived in a very spacious townhouse.
That my parents owned but didnt live there and I didnt have to leave.
Trust me im in it..and see that he had a tendency to be somewhat controlling now...
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:12 PM |
| |
|
klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Faith26
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
I am starting to see it now that way. Yes
Back in late 2019 he told me the company he works for finally offered health insurance to their employees but that it was going to put him.back $400/month.
We began talking about me moving in to his place
Shortly after.. i lived in a very spacious townhouse.
That my parents owned but didnt live there and I didnt have to leave.
Trust me im in it..and see that he had a tendency to be somewhat controlling now...
So why did you move in with him and leave the very spacious townhouse? Why didn’t he move in with you?
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:17 PM |
| |
|
Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
I was confused about this too. It seems Iike the op feels as if she shouldn’t pay rent or is doing her boyfriend a favor. In my opinion you live there you should be contributing to rent and household bills. I would never expect my significant other to continue to foot all household expenses if I moved in with him.
As far as his comment I do think it was passive agressive and uncalled for since he agreed about waiting two weeks. I think he should’ve been mature and had a conversation about how he is feeling instead of a snide remark. I don’t get how this makes him mean and controlling, especially since it seems he has most of the household financial responsibility. Unless I am missing more to the story.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:17 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Faith26
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I think his comment was uncalled for. If you got your nails done today, then a massage on Tuesday and said you were going for drinks with friends Saturday night, then I can see him saying something. But for a manicure? Shit, he should have offered to get you a mani for your new job as a treat.
I think it’s a red flag.
Watch out.
I agree. I’d be very wary of a man who begrudges you $35. Honestly, I’d be wary of a man in his 40’s who is in a financial situation such that waiting 2 weeks for $340 is so problematic.
see I feel the same way about a woman too. Every adult needs an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses, especially after having a child.
Agreed, though she lost her job and got a reduction in child support. He does not seem to have had the same setbacks. All she’s asking for is 2 extra weeks.
it is not that I am unsympathetic to her plight. I get she lost her job, and had a reduced child support amount, but that is all the more reason to need to save. If she was not living with him, she oiled be paying rent and no land lord would be okay with this. If he shoe was on the other foot, and her boyfriend said the same thing, then went out for beers with the boys everyone would say he is no good, and useless, and kick him to the curb. So I just cannot get behind a woman saying I need my nails done for $34. I know I can get my nails done for $25 with fill ins so even her amount was too much. She could have a polish change for $7 near me. So I have to say she needs a real look at her finances. If he kicked her out, they would be homeless and then $34 would be a real waste of money when you need 3x rent for first month move in. I just cannot get behind the fact that so many of you don’t understand why she was irresponsible.
I will respond directly to you since you passively commented on my situation which clearly you dont know all the facts.. i wouldn't expect anyone here to its a message board on social media.. again, the money inagreed to pay is being given to him in two weeks. Not a situation where i am forgoing on what i agreed upon.
I dont live in NY anymore. Im in Florida and nails and hair here is more expensive than long island. I have healthy nails which here us 35 to fill.
There is no going out to get beers..on his side or my side. We are teo grown adulta 45 and 46 years old. The point is.. a red flag comes up when a bf who youre not matried to makes a snide remark about how me spending my money when i had already had a conversation with him that the money i agreed to give him would be only a couple of werks later and he was totslly fine with that.
I saw it as a flag hes going to be controlling.. and that is what I am mainly concerned about here which I think you ladies are missing the point.
I had a 10 year marriage where the guy was a total con artist narcissistic sociopath and I will NOT spend my time living with any man who tells me how to soend my money.
I even offered to give him extra for waiting a couple weeks who knows, I may even get another alimony check in prior to my first paycheck, and I will be able to give it to him sooner.. which he is well aware of.
At the end of the day, I have to look out for my son and I and id i see flags with him being potentially controlling.. I am not going to stay around. I wouldn't be homeless.
I have an emergency fund.
Wait!!!! You have an emergency fund? Then take the couple hundred from there and pay him. Pay yourself back in 2 weeks.
Its not accessible right now... kind of difficult to explain.
Its an amount I am waiting on to go through... i cant divulge here.. but if anyone here gas gone through a divorce.. there are things you have to wait on....
If i had it now of course I would give it to him and replenish that fund...
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:18 PM |
| |
|
Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
|
Need advice
I think that if it were a commonly occurring issue, then he should say something (if you were regularly late and in the meantime paid for non-essentials). But I agree that it might be a red flag that he agreed to you paying him 2 weeks later, then gave you crap over the way you're spending your money.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:19 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Sash
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
I was confused about this too. It seems Iike the op feels as if she shouldn’t pay rent or is doing her boyfriend a favor. In my opinion you live there you should be contributing to rent and household bills. I would never expect my significant other to continue to foot all household expenses if I moved in with him.
As far as his comment I do think it was passive agressive and uncalled for since he agreed about waiting two weeks. I think he should’ve been mature and had a conversation about how he is feeling instead of a snide remark. I don’t get how this makes him mean and controlling, especially since it seems he has most of the household financial responsibility. Unless I am missing more to the story.
I do not expext to live with him free and I do absolutely contribute to groceries as well as money I have been and will continue to give. Its two weeks or less he has to wait..
My point is I have seen some things that lead me to
To see now that he is more of a controlling person.
Its not just about the 35.00 here ladies...
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:22 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by Faith26
We are both in our 40's.. both have gone through divorces..
Yes, i am definitely keeping my eyes open. Hes been living here for 2 years doing ir on his own
. What is making me kinda suspicious is shortly beforw i moved in with him i to.his house, he had said he was getting 400 a month deducted fr his pay due to health insurance for him and his son that his company that he works for just addung it on finally to the employee's.. so now im thinming wait.. in his mind, did he think my moving in would be helping HIM off set that cost.. so essentially whonis really helping who out here?
I dont know bc other times hes givwn me money to treat me to getting my nails done or just some cash for gas.. etc.. so urs hard to twll with him.. but I thinjk from now on im definitely keeping my ears and eyes wide open.
I’m a little confused about your comment about the health insurance thing. Yes, he has to pay health insurance and you moved in, so you should be paying rent regardless. Do you think he only asked you to move in for money reasons? Because that isn’t the best reason to move in.
Regardless, you should still be paying rent, so you aren’t really “helping him out”.
It’s time to sit down and have the money talk. And I think getting your nails done was not necessary. You could have waited two weeks for your first paycheck.
I am starting to see it now that way. Yes
Back in late 2019 he told me the company he works for finally offered health insurance to their employees but that it was going to put him.back $400/month.
We began talking about me moving in to his place
Shortly after.. i lived in a very spacious townhouse.
That my parents owned but didnt live there and I didnt have to leave.
Trust me im in it..and see that he had a tendency to be somewhat controlling now...
So why did you move in with him and leave the very spacious townhouse? Why didn’t he move in with you?
my parents were moving in soon and it could not accommodate all of us.
At the time I thought it was the right move. But we all know that you dont know someone until you live with them kwim?
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:26 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Posted by Funkybutt
I think that if it were a commonly occurring issue, then he should say something (if you were regularly late and in the meantime paid for non-essentials). But I agree that it might be a red flag that he agreed to you paying him 2 weeks later, then gave you crap over the way you're spending your money.
Yes. Tbis isnehat I am trying to convey here
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:27 PM |
| |
|
Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/49362917/Screen_Shot_2016-04-20_at_4.22.55_PM.0.0.png)
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:28 PM |
| |
|
Faith26
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/20 29 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Need advice
Lol that is exactly how I feel! Good one.
|
| Posted 2/14/20 12:29 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 |
Potentially Related Topics:
Currently 750737 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
|
Long Island Bridal Shows
|
