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HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

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FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

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HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

My son just turned 3. He is the rudest child I have ever met. DH and I are not rude people. Nobody is rude to him. I have no idea where this is coming from.

Here are some examples:
Walking into a party, people are greeting us. Rather than say hello, he says "Don't talk to me!" and "I don't want YOU saying hi to me"

Other examples:

"Stop talking!" (if someone is trying to engage him)
"I wasn't talking to you."
"I don't want you at my house." and
"When are you leaving?"

I don't think that he actually understands what he is saying. I think he's annoyed for whatever reason and that is how he expresses it BUT there are times when his rude comments are accompanied by an exceptionally rude eye roll. It is so embarrassing!

I have repeatedly said to him "we are nice to everyone, we speak kindly, we don't be mean" etc. BEFORE we go anywhere so it's in his head to be polite. Doesn't always work. When he behaves that way, I will reprimand him immediately but it's such an embarrassing situation that it is only made worse if I am sternly putting him in time out. I know he is 3 and I know it is a phase and I also know that people understand that BUT I am definitely getting the sense people don't like to be around him because, if I'm being honest, he's an azzhole! I get it! My other sons were never like this so I don't know what to do with him or how to deal with this. Does anyone have any insight for me?

Posted 12/8/19 12:55 PM
 
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18829 total posts

Name:
L

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Have you looked into play therapy? I would speak with your child's pediatrician when your child is not around to ask for a referral to a play therapist.

The other thing you could try is mirroring his language to him and then asking how he felt about hearing that, and how he thinks other people feel when he says those words to them.

Posted 12/8/19 2:06 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by LSP2005

Have you looked into play therapy? I would speak with your child's pediatrician when your child is not around to ask for a referral to a play therapist.

The other thing you could try is mirroring his language to him and then asking how he felt about hearing that, and how he thinks other people feel when he says those words to them.




Play therapy is not something I have considered but it's definitely worth a thought although he is never rude to other children; just adults. When I had parent teacher conferences, they were shocked to hear my concerns of his behavior. They said he is one of the best kids in the class...plays well, is considerate, shares, etc. I was surprised and relieved.

I have not tried mirroring him. That's a good idea. Thank you!

Posted 12/8/19 6:17 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18829 total posts

Name:
L

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Is he consistent with the adults he is rude to? Or is it all adults? Could someone have hurt him, even unintentionally?

Posted 12/8/19 7:21 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by LSP2005

Is he consistent with the adults he is rude to? Or is it all adults? Could someone have hurt him, even unintentionally?



I don't think so. He's pretty rude to most adults. There are a few he loves and a few he's okay with but, like today...we had breakfast with Santa and Santa gave each kid a little stocking with a gift card in it and when Santa handed him the stocking, he threw it back at Santa and said "I already have socks!" Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon My parents and Santa thought it was funny but I wanted to die.

Posted 12/8/19 10:44 PM
 

LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

18829 total posts

Name:
L

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

I am not a psychiatrist. I believe that psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose oppositional behavior under age 5, but I would take your child to a psychiatrist to determine the best course of action for your family. Hugs, this must be very upsetting.

Posted 12/9/19 10:03 AM
 

schools
LIF Infant

Member since 10/13

49 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Does he have older siblings?. If he does it sounds like he may be mimicking the way they speak to him. If this is the case then I would just monitor the interactions between him and his older siblings and remind then to use their kind words and if they are upset to process what is making them upset.

Posted 12/9/19 12:50 PM
 

jlm2008
LIF Adult

Member since 1/10

4622 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by LSP2005

I am not a psychiatrist. I believe that psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose oppositional behavior under age 5, but I would take your child to a psychiatrist to determine the best course of action for your family. Hugs, this must be very upsetting.



ITA. Very sound advice.

Posted 12/9/19 1:05 PM
 

Michi
My Love

Member since 5/05

31597 total posts

Name:
M

HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Do you have any ideas where he hears that type of talk? My girls were watching Fancy Nancy alot and she is very bossy and talks in a tone that I dont tolerate. They started mimicking her behavior and things she would say and me and my husband would start saying wow that Nancy is not a nice girl, she is so bossy etc. She should go to her room etc. Eventually we didn't let them watch her anymore.

Posted 12/9/19 2:44 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by jlm2008

Posted by LSP2005

I am not a psychiatrist. I believe that psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose oppositional behavior under age 5, but I would take your child to a psychiatrist to determine the best course of action for your family. Hugs, this must be very upsetting.



ITA. Very sound advice.



I used to work with kids with ODD and it's not like that. Kids with ODD have a hard time controlling their behaviors; its more innate. He's not like that. He can turn it on and turn it off very easily. My DH has actually only witnessed this behavior once when we were at my MIL's house. He pulled his "Don't talk to me. I don't love you." but normally he is sweet as can be when his dad is around. (who, by the way, almost never disciplines the kids so I don't get that at all!).

As far as shows he's watching, it's the usual stuff on Nick Jr. I don't think he's getting it from that and he's definitely not getting it from his big brothers. They are always good to him. I have no idea where he gets it from. My only thought is that he does not really understand what he is saying and doesn't know how to appropriately express himself. For example, he throws the word love around for everything instead of using like. He doesn't understand there is a difference. "I don't love carrots." "I love the color blue." or "I love that boy at the park" and if someone makes him mad he says "I don't love you." No matter who it is. He said it to the mailman.

I think he's just 3 and going through a phase. I just don't know an adequate way to discipline him at this point. This morning I put him in time out and mirrored him as previously suggested. He definitely didn't like that-he told me I was mean and I reminded him that is exactly what he had just said to my aunt- so that may be a good tool.

Posted 12/10/19 11:35 AM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6382 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by FirstMate


I think he's just 3 and going through a phase. I just don't know an adequate way to discipline him at this point. This morning I put him in time out and mirrored him as previously suggested. He definitely didn't like that-he told me I was mean and I reminded him that is exactly what he had just said to my aunt- so that may be a good tool.



I agree. He’s 3. If he were 10, yeah, maybe he should have some tact. But he’s 3. Mirroring is a good idea but personally, I wouldn’t go too nuts with discipline. If it works, great, if not, leave it alone.

Posted 12/10/19 11:43 AM
 

b2b777
LIF Adult

Member since 9/09

4374 total posts

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HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Could it also be that he notices adults reactions to it? Maybe he likes the attention it gives him.

Posted 12/10/19 1:03 PM
 

drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!

Member since 6/07

8173 total posts

Name:
me

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

OP, my oldest son is rude like that. He’s 6 now and it’s gotten a LOT better with maturity and being able to express his feelings better. He’s still a little bit socially awkward & has some trouble regulating his emotions but that’s also gotten better as he matures. I remember after his K graduation last year some kids asked him nicely to take pics with him, he yelled “NO!!!” angrily and kept walking... I felt so embarrassed and bad for the kids he was mean to! When I pointed it out he totally didn’t grasp at all what was wrong with what he said or how it was nasty.
I’ve tried explaining, modeling, reinforcing, punishing, practicing positivity, etc. over the years without a ton of success or change. Not sure why he’s like that as we aren’t rude either and his younger brothers are very sweet and empathetic. Being rough around the edges seems to be part of his personality but I will say it’s getting a lot better as he gets older.

Posted 12/10/19 10:15 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by b2b777

Could it also be that he notices adults reactions to it? Maybe he likes the attention it gives him.



That could definitely be part of it. Sometimes, when it is people who don't know him, they bust out laughing -like Santa the other day-because they don't expect his nasty commentary to come out of his cute little face so he may be getting that feedback that he is funny. Chat Icon

Posted 12/11/19 3:53 PM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

6856 total posts

Name:

Re: HELP me! Toddler parenting help needed!

Posted by drpepper318

OP, my oldest son is rude like that. He’s 6 now and it’s gotten a LOT better with maturity and being able to express his feelings better. He’s still a little bit socially awkward & has some trouble regulating his emotions but that’s also gotten better as he matures. I remember after his K graduation last year some kids asked him nicely to take pics with him, he yelled “NO!!!” angrily and kept walking... I felt so embarrassed and bad for the kids he was mean to! When I pointed it out he totally didn’t grasp at all what was wrong with what he said or how it was nasty.
I’ve tried explaining, modeling, reinforcing, punishing, practicing positivity, etc. over the years without a ton of success or change. Not sure why he’s like that as we aren’t rude either and his younger brothers are very sweet and empathetic. Being rough around the edges seems to be part of his personality but I will say it’s getting a lot better as he gets older.



Thank you for sharing. This makes me feel better.

Posted 12/11/19 3:54 PM
 
 

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