How has the death of your mother changed you?

I wonder each and everyday how different life would be if my Mom were around, how different I would be as a person. I lost my Mom when I was 15 months old, so I can’t really tell how the loss has changed me I can only see who I have become because of it.
Not so good stuff:
Since my Mom died suddenly, I have an intense fear of losing someone close to me suddenly, since it is the only reality I grew up with. I also fear that I will pass on at such an early age like my Mom. (she was 32).
The “normal” grieving stages don’t really apply to people who don’t remember experiencing the loss, so they hit me sporadically. One day I’ll be angry, one day I’ll be sad, and the next I’ll be feeling alright. I’ll NEVER feel at ease. You can probably all relate to that one way or another.
Better stuff:
My friends and family have always been a HUGE priority in my life, and I take my relationships very seriously, because I understand that they might not be around forever. Since I give my relationships my all, I expect it back in return. This pretty much weeds out all the fake people and I have so many wonderful people in my life to be thankful for. Actually, I’d probably be in a straight jacket by now if it wasn’t for them. I feel that having experienced such hardship helps me to understand and be more empathetic towards others as well. I also wonder if my Mom were around during my childhood if she would have spoiled me and done things for me that I could have handled myself. I pride myself on being an extremely independent, capable person, and I don’t know if I would be the same way had she been around.
Thinking about the person that I have grown to be in her absence helps get me through some rough days. Others, you just have to let yourself cry or chat it out.

Sorry to ramble….It seems many of you have lost your Moms recently, or at an older age. My prayers go out to you….and everyone. I know it’s different at any age, but no matter what it’s a struggle for us all. You’re all extremely strong women. Hang in there.

I have intense fears of dying and leaving my daughter with that loss. I also am a nervous wreck if DH doesn't come home right on time. My head goes to all the possibilities. I'm just very much aware of death. I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long because I end up daydreaming about some horrible scenerio....its almost like rehearsing just in case it were to happed....hmmmm any therapists out there?

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Posted by dree

I have intense fears of dying and leaving my daughter with that loss. I also am a nervous wreck if DH doesn't come home right on time. My head goes to all the possibilities. I'm just very much aware of death. I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long because I end up daydreaming about some horrible scenerio....its almost like rehearsing just in case it were to happed....hmmmm any therapists out there?

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Wow this is a reallly hard question. I could type pages on it.

I am not the same person I was before she died. I became less social and more guarded.

I fear I will get breast cancer as well. It is even more concerning for me now that I have a son.

I feel cheated. She should be here for all the important things that have happened since she died.

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Posted by Jenhos

I feel cheated. She should be here for all the important things that have happened since she died.

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Geez....some of these posts are bringing tears to my eyes. While I certainly don't want anyone to be in this boat, I'm glad we have each other.
As for me, since the death of my mom....

-- I fear that I will die when I'm 50 of breast cancer, like her. My husband will talk about when we're older and I'll say things like, "yeah, but I probably won't be alive to see it."

-- I can't stand it when I hear people complaining about their mothers.

-- I get angry and feel bad for myself. This shouldn't have happened to me. I didn't deserve this (none of us did.)
Bad things always happen to good people.

-- I am numbed by the death of others. My grandmother, grandfather and husband's grandma have all died since my mom. I didn't shed a single tear. I totally zoned out.

-- I am jealous when I see other girls with their moms. I remember when I was registering at Fortunoff I saw all these brides-to-be walking around with scan guns and their moms.

-- I am stronger, I think. (My husband says I am.)

-- I matured faster. I was 20 when she passed.

Message edited 12/8/2006 1:16:39 PM.

after losing my mom to cancer (it will b 2 years this coming january 3rd) and losing her a month before my 16th birthday, and especially losing her during the times in my life i need her most has been very hard. I've also been terrified that what if that happens to me? The thought scares me alot. Now, being 17 and a soon to be mother of a little girl, im upset that she cant be here for me and i really appreciate the things she did for me. But what is exciting, in a weird way, is that im due in january..the first week actually so im hoping i have my little girl on January 3rd. lol mayb im just weird or something but i think that would be kind of neat.

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Posted by xxlaurenxlynnxx

after losing my mom to cancer (it will b 2 years this coming january 3rd) and losing her a month before my 16th birthday, and especially losing her during the times in my life i need her most has been very hard. I've also been terrified that what if that happens to me? The thought scares me alot. Now, being 17 and a soon to be mother of a little girl, im upset that she cant be here for me and i really appreciate the things she did for me. But what is exciting, in a weird way, is that im due in january..the first week actually so im hoping i have my little girl on January 3rd. lol mayb im just weird or something but i think that would be kind of neat.

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