How has the death of your mother changed you?

I feel it in so many ways.....
Good and bad........
As mentioned in an earlier thread, I have an overwhelming fear of getting sick... of eventually succumbing to a horrible illness. I also worry so much more about those around me, particularly about my husband and my future children. I will also admit I drink a lot more since my mom has been gone. I think it is a way of numbing myself.
The good.........
My mom always preached to me about the importance of education and success. I am currently in the middle of my Master's and want to make her proud. I also, and as hard as it is going to be without her, am looking forward to being a mom. Mainly so that I can instill in my children so much of what I was taught. I want the memory of my mother to be such a huge part of my children's lives. I also want to get back that mother/child connection.

This is a really tough question.....

I think that since my mom died I dont sweat the small stuff as much. I try to really just enjoy my life as I feel much more vunerable than I did before.
I want children more now than I did then, and sooner than before. Because I am terrified of losing my dad or my ILs and my child having one less grandparent. However I am much more afraid of being a parent not having my mom for guidance.
I try harder to keep in touch with my dad and brothers because I know we are all we have.

On the not so good side.
I put tons of pressure on myself to help take care of my dad (he is perfectly capable)
I also feel a great responsibility of making holidays and events good because I feel like if teh event isnt as fun or well put together it will be harder for my family because it will make them miss her more.
I am also more nervous about losing my dad. I cant help it but I get upset if I cant get in touch with him for a few hours now.

ETA: I most definately cry more and more easily than I did before. Even happy events will send me into a sad state for a while. Thats the hardest for me!

Message edited 8/6/2006 1:37:26 PM.

Mine is the loss of my dad.

His death has made me realize how short life really is, and precious every minute is. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff and stop and smell the roses, listen to a child's laugh and watch the sunset as I am stopped at a stop light. I have learned to value every second with my daughter and my family. To tell people how much they mean to me and leave no words left unsaid. I have tried to follow in his footsteps in the fact of helping those around me in anyway possible. My father was the most giving and loving man I have ever met.

For the worst: I feel lost and alone. My father just passed in May so his death is still so new. I cry at the drop of a hat and my patients are so short. I dread the holidays and constantly forget that he is no longer here. I am still in shock and denial when it comes to him being gone. THis just s!cks in every sense of the word.

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Posted by Sassy2611

Mine is the loss of my dad.

His death has made me realize how short life really is, and precious every minute is. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff and stop and smell the roses, listen to a child's laugh and watch the sunset as I am stopped at a stop light. I have learned to value every second with my daughter and my family. To tell people how much they mean to me and leave no words left unsaid. I have tried to follow in his footsteps in the fact of helping those around me in anyway possible. My father was the most giving and loving man I have ever met.

For the worst: I feel lost and alone. My father just passed in May so his death is still so new. I cry at the drop of a hat and my patients are so short. I dread the holidays and constantly forget that he is no longer here. I am still in shock and denial when it comes to him being gone. THis just s!cks in every sense of the word.

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The death of my mother changed me for the better...I got the he-ll out of the one horse town I was raised in. My mother tried to get out when she was younger, too. I moved to NY and met the man I would marry...I cannot complain. If my mother was still alive I know I would be stuck in that place I was born and raised working at the food court in the mall or something.

I have been trying to come up with an answer to this question and I can't

I feel like my life is so diffierent- but I am the same person

I am going to ask Jake how he has seen me change over the last 4 years- since he knew me in HS, after HS and then we started dating 6 months after my Mom got sick

I think it's too soon for me to see the changes- I would like to think there are some for the better- like how I still hear her voice in my head pushing me to do well in my career etc

and some bad things like I question how long I will live and if I will die so young

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Posted by Kelly9904


I most definately cry more and more easily than I did before. Even happy events will send me into a sad state for a while. Thats the hardest for me!

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I think it was the first time I realized my parents were real people instead of my parents, if you know what I mean.

i am definitely more angry. i don't believe in fairy tales or happy endings anymore but i do believe more in myself knowing that only i can make things happen. i don't want children anymore which is such a shock to me because i've always seen myself with tons. i just don't want to ever leave them. crazy i know. i am definitely more cynical.

what i do know that worked out well for me is that mom is here for me whenever i need help making a decision or just to talk. she was at work a lot when she was alive so now i feel like i have her undivided attention

thanks for listening

much more anxiety, worry over my own death and leaving my son motherless.

A bit of a more negative outlook on life.

some things for the better: Im much more responsible and I feel like I need control over my life at all times becuase I have no one to fall back on. I always ran to my mom for advice and now I feel like I reach from within more.

I really can't come up with much of an answer - I don't know that I'm very changed exactly.

There are some things I think I am different in - I think I actually cry less (oh, I still cry easily, but it seems it was more before) and I feel like I'm a bit (a little bit) more assertive then I was too. But, I don't know that I can say it was because my mom died. I think it could be just that I am 5 years older now.

I think I have become closer to my dad now - and I guess that's a good thing. Not that we weren't close, but if I called home before my mom died, if he answered, he'd mostly pass me off to my mom. Now I talk to him at least once a week and have found out a lot more about him then I guess I ever knew before.

For the worse - well, I am very cynical - but I think I was before too. And I do worry a lot about getting sick and dying. And I constantly worry that something will happen to my dad now.

I won't go the doctor for a physical b/c I am so scared they are going to find something wrong with me. I just got married a month ago and I often lay awake at nights worrying that I won't be able to have children or have them and die at a young age and leave my husband and children alone. It is the worst. Every pain or ache, I think this must be it! Her death has made me so paranoid about things.

So sad with so much to be live for and be grateful for!

It happened over 10 years ago.

But I will say that as an adult I definitely have great detest for people who complain about their moms.

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

I definitely have a fear of dying young.

I have a fear of having children and then not being alive to raise them.

Sometimes I feel like part of me stopped growing up after she went to.

I always wonder if I will ever feel like a whole person again.

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Posted by madden7706

I won't go the doctor for a physical b/c I am so scared they are going to find something wrong with me. I just got married a month ago and I often lay awake at nights worrying that I won't be able to have children or have them and die at a young age and leave my husband and children alone. It is the worst. Every pain or ache, I think this must be it! Her death has made me so paranoid about things.

So sad with so much to be live for and be grateful for!

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Posted by danielle

Sometimes I feel like part of me stopped growing up after she went to.

I always wonder if I will ever feel like a whole person again.

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Posted by danielle

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

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Message edited 8/11/2006 12:35:01 PM.

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Posted by anjerandunder

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Posted by danielle

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

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You hit it on the nose! I hated listening to everyone complain about their mother's dress or their mom wanting this during their wedding. My mom and I got to pick out my dress together. I was lucky for that. But the day I went to order it was the day she was diagnosed. Bittersweet. She looked at me while she layed in the hospital bed and said "you go order that dress Justine. I'm going to make it to your wedding and I want you in that dress." The woman at the dress shop must have thought I was a lunatic because I was sobbing so hard while writing out the check. She started crying when I broke down and told her. Mom didn't make it to the wedding but at least I got that wonderful day shopping with her. She was so happy for me.

eta: sorry i got a little carried away with that one.

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Posted by danielle



But I will say that as an adult I definitely have great detest for people who complain about their moms.

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

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grrr I cant stand it when they compain about parents over there..

my father was supposed to walk me down the aisle, he died.then i asked my uncle (who is my godfather) to walk me down the aisle and he dies of a heart attack.

..so when I hear people ****** about mundane things I want to type that and go "there!! I win!! stop being a baby and look at the big picture!!"

I'm not really sure... I guess I took on more responsibilities with my family upstate because she took care of EVERYONE. You name it she did it. Now...I do it.
I also see more and more how incredibly stong she was to do all that she did.
I'm also very lonely...even though I completely know she's here with me(spritually)...I miss being able to pick up the phone and talk to her everyday.
She also never met DH, but in my heart I truly believe she brought him to me.

Message edited 8/16/2006 12:46:01 PM.