fading memories

My dad passed away almost 6 yrs ago.. It was such a bad time for me, the hurt was sooo immense. Eventually I had to truly force myself not to think about it, or else I could not function. Eventually as time went on I could look back on my time with my dad with fond memories. Lately I feel like yes certain things remind me of him..but the memories come fewer mainly b/c when i dwell on it, it hurts so bad...I sometimes feel like he was just a mirage, a distant memory, and I dont want him to feel like someone who never existed but sometimes its like he never did... does that make any sense..it makes me so sad, i dont want to 4get him, i sure wish my boyfriend now met him and that we all had so much more time 2gether..life is sooo short, it just makes me sad to never see him again..

i apologize that this is rambly, i just needed to get those thoughts out..thanks

I think I know quite a bit of how you feel.
My situation is slightly different.
Within the first few years of my mom's death, most of my memories had to do with her illness and all the pain she was in. It was NOT how I wanted to remember her but it was my most recent memory.

With time, I am slowly getting back the more positive memories of my childhood.

I feel talking about my mom helps a lot, it can be very therapeutic. I also try to preserve her memory and try to do things that I know she would be proud of. For instance, I am in the middle of a Master's right now and trying to build a sucessful career. I know this is what my mom would have wanted so I am sure she is by my side. I also talk a lot to DH so he gets a good grasp on what she was like even though he never met her. My DH never knew my mom either so I emphasize.

Do you talk with your other family members about this?

Message edited 7/19/2006 12:30:41 PM.

my father passed away 6 years ago as well.

It has been getting easier to remember things and laugh instead of cry my eyes out.

But sadly my uncle (who I was very close with, especially after my dad died) passed away suddenly in march at age 50. So now i am having the same issues all over again.

I remember things about my mother but its hard because I cant remember if those memories are of her with or without cancer. I wish I could tell the difference though because I would like to remember her healthy

My Dad just passed in may 30th of this year and a lot of people told me to write down everything that comes to my mind about my father. Any memory that i have of my dad, that way later i can go through them years from now and remember that day or time we spent together. I have been having a really tough time with dealing with the fact that he is gone so this has been overly hard for me. I am so sorry for your loss and i feel your pain. Know that he is still in your heart and your mind. One of my friends told me "you never forget the memories you have with some one who passed, sometimes you just push them so far down because of pain that it is tough to recall all of the specifics of that memory." If you need some one to talk to feel free to FM me. Like you i have not even thought of dealing with my fathers death because i can not imagine my life with out him in it.

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Posted by GenLCSW

I remember things about my mother but its hard because I cant remember if those memories are of her with or without cancer. I wish I could tell the difference though because I would like to remember her healthy

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oh wow, I was thinking about this just today.... its like I forgot their voices... it'll be 4 years for my dad in jan, and it was 4 years for my mom in june... its so sad how all of a sudden its so hard to really "feel" them... or remember them... its like I'm terrified of totally forgetting them, sometimes I feel like they never existed... does that make sense? Like I cant remember what is was like to just be next to her... or what her hands felt like... now I'm crying... ugh... i am going through that w/ my grandpa now, and its only been over 2 weeks, and a part of me cant understand how someone can be such a major part of your life, and then when they are gone, its like life still goes on... its so weird.. ugh, now I'm rambling.......

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Posted by Cookiegobbler

oh wow, I was thinking about this just today.... its like I forgot their voices... it'll be 4 years for my dad in jan, and it was 4 years for my mom in june... its so sad how all of a sudden its so hard to really "feel" them... or remember them... its like I'm terrified of totally forgetting them, sometimes I feel like they never existed... does that make sense? Like I cant remember what is was like to just be next to her... or what her hands felt like... now I'm crying... ugh... i am going through that w/ my grandpa now, and its only been over 2 weeks, and a part of me cant understand how someone can be such a major part of your life, and then when they are gone, its like life still goes on... its so weird.. ugh, now I'm rambling.......

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10 years later my memories are slowly fading and the times I take to think of her are fewer and farther apart.

You are not alone

It's soooo hard!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Girls
Since I posted last I have been reading all ur responses and I am sad for all of us that we feel this way yet find some relief that I am not alone. If any1 wants to talk at all feel free to fm me anytime

I can certainly sympathsize but try to hang on tight...

I started to forget the sound of my mom's voice (she passed 5 years ago) so I put on a video so I could hear it again. There are always ways....

My mom passed away 22 yrs ago, I was only 8. There are few memories that I hold tight, but as you say most are so faded that sometimes i wonder if they are even real. My mom had an Irish brogue (sp?) and I dont remember her voice until i meet some random person with that Irish accent and then it sends me into a tailspin of saddness, and faded memories. Although the pain is no longer present every minute of every day, somewhere in the back of my mind is always a sense of missing her and needing her. And that will never go away. Hang in there, you are not alone...