Anyone here estranged from her mother?

This forum caught my eye, and I realized all you ladies lost your moms for real....

I lost my mom to mental illness, and I havent spoken to her since my 30th bday over 2 years ago...

I have a stepmom, and I'm a stepmom now...

looking to see if there are other women like me out there....

there are a few- read the introduction thread

My mother lives on LI...im in Manhattan...I have seen her 1x in 16 years and Im her only biological daughter. She is remarried and has a step daughter and son.

My mother lives upstate with my grandmother...I haven't had a relationship with her in 18 years and haven't seen her since my uncle's wake in 2001. She isn't remarried but she IS out of her mind

At the wake, it had been so long since she had seen my little brother (who was in the marines at the time) that they thought that my DH was him

I thought I was the only one - I was lucky to have my stepmomther for my wedding, but I read about women doing things with their moms, wanting mother-daugter dances, and it would make me sad.... plus I have a sister who wont talk to me either...

Yes. She left my Dad and I when I was 16. To summarize she's mentally ill; seems like this is the case for many of our mothers. I actually talked about it with my aunt, her younger sister, for the first time (first time with anyone in her family, my Dad and I have had some heart to hearts about it) this past winter when her father (obviously my grandfather) passed and she did not come to the funeral. In fact when my grandmother finally reached her my mother told my grandmother, "I'm sorry for your loss." Nice.

I'm glad you started this thread. I didn't feel right posting on this board before, even on the introduction thread because I know is not the same as losing your mother. Its painful, but in a very different way, and I didn't want to pose like it was the same or that I could possibly understand losing my mother when I haven't been thru the loss of a parent.

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Posted by MrsBlueSash
Its painful, but in a very different way, and I didn't want to pose like it was the same or that I could possibly understand losing my mother when I haven't been thru the loss of a parent.

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Posted by mommy2bellabean

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Posted by MrsBlueSash
Its painful, but in a very different way, and I didn't want to pose like it was the same or that I could possibly understand losing my mother when I haven't been thru the loss of a parent.

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We did experience a loss though, many women on these threads have such cherished memories of a mother I never had...it feels even worse sometimes. I feel the love coming through in all their memories and even with the struggles to move on and I have none of that personally. Mine is anger, loss, and helplessness to change a situation I have no control over...it s u c k s



It may be different, but in a way its all the same, we are motherless...thanks for sharing your story.

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Posted by robynfs

I completely relate...I lost my mother the same way...she left my dad and I when i was 14. My dad died 6 years ago...that pain is of course 10x worse since my dad was everything to me...but i do not have any parents and that's the sad fact...both are losses.

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I have not had a real realtionship with my mother in 6+ years. My mother has mental issues as well as other issues. It is sad, but better for me to not have her around. I am here if you need to talk.

I am glad to see I am not the only one out there motherless to mental illness.

I am not close at all with my mom for about 20+ years.

what drives me nuts is that she is all ablout herself she is getting married for the 3 time and having a huge wedding 40,000+, at the time of my sisters wedding and shower she didnt have any money!!

the thing that kills me find dont be a mom to me it really to late for that but she has grandchildren that she can make up for the lost time and she not doing a thing instead she is talking to all my aunt and uncles about her wedding ???

is she nuts

whether we lost our mother to a physical illness or a mental illness, it is still a loss.

I only wish I had fond memories of my mother. unfortunately, I don't. and it hurts just as much as a real loss. I am so glad that we can come on here to share and cope...

did't help that we also had a stepmother from h#ll........man my dad was 0 for 2!!!!!

My parents divorced when I was 17 (1989), but I already had a bad relationship with my mother. I'm an only child. I lived with my father after the divorce and was estranged from my mother and her entire family from then until her death in 2001.

When I found out she was sick a few months before she died, I wrote her a letter to "reach out" even though I had a lot of unresolved feelings. She wrote back in a letter addressed to "Occupant" so it kind of closed the door again, and took away my guilt. Although not diagnosed, I always believed that she suffered from mental illness due to medication she was on from 1980 on.

After she died, I had the responsibility of handling her estate. It was a strange experience seeing how she lived and seeing her history for the 10+ years that we were estranged.

Just today my aunt called me. She is my mother's younger sister (my mother has one younger brother, middle child, and the baby, her younger sister.) My grandmother, her sister and her brother have all been writing her letters since this past winter when their father passed. My mother did not attend the funeral. I can't say I have partaken in the effort; I am out of steam and just can't try anymore. You all know when you've reach that point. Anyhow, my aunt called me and she did a welfare check with the police via the non-emergency line (my mother is in TX, uncle in NJ, aunt in OH, grandmother in NJ, and myself in VA-so no one lives nearby) and she is ok. She disconnected her phone and hasn't emailed or written anyone. My aunt says she prays for her and says this is the worst it?s been. My aunt is very honest and open to me (love her!) about the things my mother has done, and all of these actions point towards the fact my mother is mentally ill. My grandmother is just sick over it (which makes me so angry that my mother could do this to an old woman who loves her!!!!) and that is why my aunt called to have her checked on.

It?s just so weird to be rejected by your own mother, especially as an only child (which is why the above post by aimerliny struck me- I totally relate to the letter, I too have been addressed like I was an acquaintance.) Sometimes I wonder if she did pass if I would even be notified. I wonder how they would know she had a daughter. She has a creepy husband (#3) and know he would never say anything. Man, I hate the dark side of my family. Its so full of pain I hate the moments I have to deal with her, even if they are few and far between and second hand.

to all.

Wow, I have a mom that has had mental illness since I was a child. I call her but it's like dealing with a 4 year old. She could not be part of any special occations and it's really upsetting to me. She rejected my son because she was jeleous - terrible. All I hear is "she sick" and "she doesn't mean to be like that". I'm 30 and know that but it still hurts. I don't have a step mom and my dad passed away 5 years ago at 51 years old. I have no siblings and put a lot of faith in people just to be let down.... It's pretty hard.

I have almost no relationship with my mother. I have tried so hard to have a relationship with her but she just doesn't know how. Growing up, I was more like parent than a child, always trying to take care of my mother. While I see my mom at holidays, etc, we don't have a relationship and never will. My mom has said and done some horrible things to me and my sisters and although I try to forgive her, she is just not capable of having a relationship with me.

I definitely feel a loss. During my wedding, I had no "mother" to share my planning with. It really hit me then that I was alone. I have tried to be close to my MIL, but she doesn't seem to want a relationship like that with me. It's really hard and sometimes I just can't help but feel some jealousy at those who are close to their moms. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

I had had a close relationship with my mother until right before my dh passed away. She was so nasty to me about him, telling me that i should leave him since he was nasty to me.... he was SOOOOO sick (for example, he had compression fractures of 6 vertebrae) so I do not blame him for being miserable.... but because of this i didnt really lean on them for support during his final weeks and they havent spoken to me since.... sucks, but there is nothing i can do about it.. aparently i didnt mourn according to her standards

My mother left me, my father and my two brothers over 20 years ago. When I was 4, my brothers were 3 and 18 mths. She was the text book dead beat mother. I didn't have a relationship with her at all. She is definitly a sick woman. Who is as self centered as they come. And now that I am a mother myself if it was possible to hate hereven more than I did before, I do. I look at my two boys and wonder who in the H$#% she left her children?? I baffles my mind. She tried now to have a relationship with me and my kids but I can't help but feeling that she is only doing this because as she gets older she knows she will be a lonley old woman. I know she may be trying to make up for it. But I can't hide the hate that I have for her and what she did. I have
for everyone because you can't get back any of those precious memories with your mother .

Wow ladies - I havent checked this thread in a while - its comforting to see its still going (although sad to see how many of us have gone thru this)

I'm glad we can support ecah other.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant, and havent spoken to my mom since I was 30 (I called on my 30th bday for closure - I'll be 33 in November)

She doesnt know I'm married - maybe she does - I emailed my sister who doesnt talk to me - but she never responds to my emails, so I dont know if she knows or not...

She doesnt know I'm pregnant either...

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Posted by hmpena

I have almost no relationship with my mother. I have tried so hard to have a relationship with her but she just doesn't know how. Growing up, I was more like parent than a child, always trying to take care of my mother. While I see my mom at holidays, etc, we don't have a relationship and never will. My mom has said and done some horrible things to me and my sisters and although I try to forgive her, she is just not capable of having a relationship with me.

I definitely feel a loss. During my wedding, I had no "mother" to share my planning with. It really hit me then that I was alone. I have tried to be close to my MIL, but she doesn't seem to want a relationship like that with me. It's really hard and sometimes I just can't help but feel some jealousy at those who are close to their moms. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

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