Long Island Forums > Bereavement Support Group

different situation:Updated at bottom

Posted By	Message
Pages: [1] 2
christy	Just wanted to say hi, and share that though my mother is alive, she hasn't been in my life for at least 6 years. It is hard not having a mom around.... I am here if anyone needs to chat. Message edited 7/21/2006 11:14:13 PM. Posted 6/7/06 9:36 PM
lorich	I almost find that harder to hear. I'm so very thankful for the time I had with my Mom, she was always there for me whenever I needed her. I can't imagine going through what you're going through. It's kind of like that saying "It's better to love and have lost than to have never loved at all." Posted 6/8/06 9:09 AM
Beth	I have to agree with Lori- I would do anything to spend 5 more minutes with my Mom- and if she was still alive -I would do anything I could to have a relantionship with her it upsets me to hear that your Mom is alive and you guys can't work it out- Posted 6/8/06 9:31 AM
mommy2bella	Posted by christy Just wanted to say hi, and share that though my mother is alive, she hasn't been in my life for at least 6 years. It is hard not having a mom around.... I am here if anyone needs to chat. Same here...my mother gave us up to my Dad 21 years ago and hasn't been in my life at all for over 15...it is definitely hard to explain to people and a lot of them don't get how painful it is. My MIL didn't understand why I was so upset this Mother's Day (my first with a daughter of my own) and why I couldn't just "get over it" and have a good day. I have to say, since I had a little girl it makes it sooooo much harder...I understand less and less what my mother has done and why... Posted 6/8/06 11:48 AM
christy	Thank you for the responses. The hardest days for me have been every mother's day and my wedding day... But unfortuately it is better and safer for me to not have her in my life. Posted 6/8/06 7:13 PM
CheeChee	So sorry for you... and for your loss Posted 6/8/06 10:45 PM
PupettaBella	Posted by Beth1210 I have to agree with Lori- I would do anything to spend 5 more minutes with my Mom- and if she was still alive -I would do anything I could to have a relantionship with her it upsets me to hear that your Mom is alive and you guys can't work it out- I agree with you gals. It always makes me so sad whan I hear anyone say that they don't have a great relationship with their moms. My mom was my best friend and I miss her so much. I know someone who is getting married and her mother wants no part in helping her daughter plan the wedding. I cried with every decision I had to make for my wedding planning because my mom wasn't here to help me. Posted 6/11/06 4:03 PM
mommy2bella	Posted by Beth1210 I would do anything I could to have a relationship with her it upsets me to hear that your Mom is alive and you guys can't work it out- You know...this bothers me a lot because many people think like this. You have to realize that I (and all of my siblings) have tried EVERYTHING in the past. Sending flowers on mother's day, cards, letters, phone calls, . But my mother is an extremely toxic person. She chose not to be a part of our lives...she chose NOT to know who I am and what I accomplished and after a while, it's just safer to not have her running like a tornado through your life and your emotions picking and choosing which milestones she wants to ruin and then not being there to pick up the pieces...especially now with my DH and my daughter. She never called or reached out when I got married and she never called or reached out when I gave birth to my beautiful Bella....and these are only the recent ones; there's also HS graduation, prom, etc. I am blessed finally with an amazing relationship with my father (made possible by his divorcing of the EVIL stepmother) and his fiance, who in several years has done more for me than anyone did in my first 20+ years. I am glad you had such an amazing relationship with your mother...I hope to have that type of relationship with my daughter...but please don't project that to people like me, who had nothing like that growing up...to me, the snap judgment of others made it difficult to tell people of my situation... Posted 6/12/06 8:37 AM
kathleeng	I am sorry to hear of these stories. I am currently in the situation of having a strained relationship with a couple of family members and although it is very recent, it is VERY painful. Sending you all Posted 6/12/06 9:55 AM
Beth	[ I am glad you had such an amazing relationship with your mother...I hope to have that type of relationship with my daughter...but please don't project that to people like me, who had nothing like that growing up...to me, the snap judgment of others made it difficult to tell people of my situation... I am sorry if you feel like you are being judged- that's not what I meant- Posted 6/12/06 10:38 AM
mommy2bella	Posted by Beth1210 I am sorry if you feel like you are being judged- that's not what I meant- I actually hesitated before I said judgment...maybe I mean assumption... I know you weren't, but many people just don't get that my mother and I "can't just work it out".... Posted 6/12/06 2:29 PM
JenniferEver	Posted by mommy2bellabean Posted by Beth1210 I am sorry if you feel like you are being judged- that's not what I meant- I actually hesitated before I said judgment...maybe I mean assumption... I know you weren't, but many people just don't get that my mother and I "can't just work it out".... I know I'm totally hijacking here...but I get the same kind of thing re:my dad. No one understands that even though he's alive, it's as if he's died, and in many ways, I feel harder to deal with. Posted 6/13/06 7:07 AM
christy	Well it turns out my 48 year old mother had a heart attack and was in the hospital. My grandfather called me last night and told me all the details. I think he expects that I will call her now that she is not doing well. Sad thing is, my mother has suffered from eating disorders and drug abuse and I know this is why the heart attack took place. This is also why I stay away from her. Now I am in a position where guilt makes me feel like I should call? But what will it accomplish. I know I don't want such a toxic person in my life. Posted 7/21/06 11:16 PM
Palebride	I don't know what to say Christy.... Posted 7/21/06 11:34 PM
monkeybride	Posted by mommy2bellabean Posted by christy Just wanted to say hi, and share that though my mother is alive, she hasn't been in my life for at least 6 years. It is hard not having a mom around.... I am here if anyone needs to chat. Same here...my mother gave us up to my Dad 21 years ago and hasn't been in my life at all for over 15...it is definitely hard to explain to people and a lot of them don't get how painful it is. My MIL didn't understand why I was so upset this Mother's Day (my first with a daughter of my own) and why I couldn't just "get over it" and have a good day. I have to say, since I had a little girl it makes it sooooo much harder...I understand less and less what my mother has done and why... I understand and I think Miranda is the only reason I have a relationship with my mother (you probably remember some of my crazy stories) although I have to say for right now things are good (I'm afraid to jinx myself though) since she's generally a time bomb waiting to go off. Posted 7/21/06 11:34 PM
christy	Posted by Palebride I don't know what to say Christy.... Yeah, I have been trying not to think about it all day. But as you can see, I am clearly not sleeping tonight! Thanks for the hugs! Posted 7/21/06 11:35 PM
ggt08	Posted by Beth1210 I have to agree with Lori- I would do anything to spend 5 more minutes with my Mom- and if she was still alive -I would do anything I could to have a relantionship with her it upsets me to hear that your Mom is alive and you guys can't work it out- yeah i know what you mean beth but sometimes its a lot easier said than done. Like Kelly said, our mother is a very toxic, selfish person. I out of all of my siblings tried to reach out to her over the years and had a civil relationship with her. I went up to visit her upstate... this was until I got married. She called me when i wasnt home.left me a msg saying she wasnt coming to the wedding b/c SHE felt uncomfortable because of my fathers family & my friends that she doesnt know. She sent me a gift. and I have not heard from her since. no cards phone calls. I sent her a thank you asking whay she hasnt returned my calls. NOTHING! W T F did I do to her??? last straw was when i was separating from my husband at the time. probably the most painful time in my life and NOTHING!!!!!!!! she knew what I was going through (my other sister has some communication with her) and not even card a phone call a message or even an e-mail. After that I vowed that I was done with her. So sometimes in life, as much as they are your parents by blood, it is better off not having a relationship with them then a toxic strained relationship. It is sad though.. Mothers Day doesnt mean much to me- except now that my sister is a mom it has meaning... Planning my wedding with no mom- very difficult. But my dad is both roles for me and his fiancee is an amazing woman.. God I rambled.. I guess this is a sore topic for me even after all of these years... Posted 7/22/06 4:00 PM
Beth	Posted by kdelace Posted by Beth1210 I have to agree with Lori- I would do anything to spend 5 more minutes with my Mom- and if she was still alive -I would do anything I could to have a relantionship with her it upsets me to hear that your Mom is alive and you guys can't work it out- yeah i know what you mean beth but sometimes its a lot easier said than done. Like Kelly said, our mother is a very toxic, selfish person. I out of all of my siblings tried to reach out to her over the years and had a civil relationship with her. I went up to visit her upstate... this was until I got married. She called me when i wasnt home.left me a msg saying she wasnt coming to the wedding b/c SHE felt uncomfortable because of my fathers family & my friends that she doesnt know. She sent me a gift. and I have not heard from her since. no cards phone calls. I sent her a thank you asking whay she hasnt returned my calls. NOTHING! W T F did I do to her??? last straw was when i was separating from my husband at the time. probably the most painful time in my life and NOTHING!!!!!!!! she knew what I was going through (my other sister has some communication with her) and not even card a phone call a message or even an e-mail. After that I vowed that I was done with her. So sometimes in life, as much as they are your parents by blood, it is better off not having a relationship with them then a toxic strained relationship. It is sad though.. Mothers Day doesnt mean much to me- except now that my sister is a mom it has meaning... Planning my wedding with no mom- very difficult. But my dad is both roles for me and his fiancee is an amazing woman.. God I rambled.. I guess this is a sore topic for me even after all of these years... I don't know what worse- that- or your Mom dying- that's so sad- and I am so sorry your have to go thru that Posted 7/22/06 6:45 PM
robynfs	My mother left me and my dad. My dad was everything to me untill he passed 6 years ago. People just dont understand how I have a mother out there on LI and I haven't seen her in 18 years. But I think until you are abondoned by the person who is supposed to love you most in this world...you really can't relate to why I have no intention of ever knowing her again. I have lived the last 6 years of my life with no parents and no siblings...my husband left me and she knows all this...and zero contact. Im better off alone....and that's the sad truth. Message edited 7/24/2006 11:18:42 AM. Posted 7/24/06 11:18 AM
mommy2bella	Posted by robynfs My mother left me and my dad. My dad was everything to me untill he passed 6 years ago. People just dont understand how I have a mother out there on LI and I haven't seen her in 18 years. But I think until you are abondoned by the person who is supposed to love you most in this world...you really can't relate to why I have no intention of ever knowing her again. I have lived the last 6 years of my life with no parents and no siblings...my husband left me and she knows all this...and zero contact. Im better off alone....and that's the sad truth. you are not alone there are many people in your situation that understand and are here... please feel free to FM me if you would ever like to talk Posted 7/24/06 11:21 AM
Pages: [1] 2