Long Island Forums > Bereavement Support Group

My mom has been gone for 7 years and now that I have a newborn I miss her more then ever...

Posted By Message
mishy

I lost both parents my dad at 11 and my mom at 21 and I am so sad for my DD that she will never get to meet them.. I have so many questions of how I was when I was a baby to compare to my lil Gianna..

 
Posted 6/5/06 1:44 PM
stardiva80

it must be so hard for you. you always thought that you would be able to share this amazing time with your parents. Part of me is scared to have a baby because i know that I will be so sad. I lost my mom less than 1 year ago and i know i will always feel this horrible void, especially after having kids.

 
Posted 6/5/06 2:05 PM
mommy2bella

My mother is not dead, but she has not been in my life for 20 years...I found it SOOOO much harder to not have a mother after my daughter was born than at any other milestone in my life (wedding included)

That's a main reason why I started to post here, because I am the only one out of family and friends with a small baby (with one exception) and I felt so lost with no real advice or shoulder to lean on...

Just know that there will never be anyone that loves your daughter like you...ever. It's a relationship I waited 28 years for and I can't believe I was able to live without it!

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Posted 6/5/06 2:16 PM
nylisa

I know how you feel. My mom is gone 3 months now and I am 32 weeks pregrant and miss her so much. She has missed so much in the last 3 months. She has missed her nephew getting married and my sister having baby #2. I just wish she was here.

 
Posted 6/5/06 2:48 PM
kathleeng

Many Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon to all of you ladies.

I think about this very same issue quite often as DH and I will be TTC in a few months. I know it is going to be so very hard.

However, I found it quite comforting during my wedding planning to do things in particular that I knew my mom loved. Pretty much my whole wedding was done in her memory ex: getting married at the church in which she did, my reception was at the beach cause her great love was the beach.......

Do you have any keepsakes you can give your daughter in your mom/dads memory? Stories to pass on? Maybe a collage with you and daughter intertwined with pics of you as a baby with mom and dad. I know that if our first is a girl she is going to have a version of my mom's name. Sometimes a lot of these activities prove comforting and you get to pass on a bit to your children.

Hope this helped a bit.

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Posted 6/5/06 3:13 PM
lorich

I'm so sorry. This is one of my biggest fears when we decide too have children. It was hard enough not having my Mom around for our wedding...shopping for gowns, etc., but this is by far the hardest.
Know that even though you cannot see her, she is with you and your little angel.Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 3:31 PM
Cookiegobbler

Wow... I can't believe that you all feel this way too.... I don't have either of my parents... it will be 4 years on June 21st for my mom, and then 6 months later on jan 15t, it'll be 4 years for my dad....I talk about this to DH alllll the time... I'm terrified of being depressed after giving birth.. honestly, my wedding day really caught me off guard... I knew I'd be upset... but i seriously cried on and off all day long... and afterwards I was in a real funk... I'm sooo afraid that this will happen to me while pregnant and afterwards... I suffer w/ anxiety and a little depression as it is!

 
Posted 6/5/06 3:44 PM
GenLCSW

I lost my mom 16 years ago..she had breast cancer. I am pregnant now and I miss her more than ever Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 3:55 PM
Cookiegobbler

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Posted 6/5/06 4:30 PM
momAGAIN

Im so sorry! I have been there my mom passed when I was 10........I miss her evvery single day but the birth of my son and planning my wedding has made it alost worse latley Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 4:34 PM
Beth1210

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon I lost my want to have a baby after losing my Mom- she was suppose to be there to help me- I don't think I can do it aloneChat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 4:48 PM
july0105

My Dh and I aret desperately TTC -- I feel like I have wanted a family of my own ever since my mom died when I was ten. I am reading an awesome book that speaks to all of the issues you girls mentioned... Hope Edelman's Motherless Mothers. I loved her first book, Motherless Daughters... her book about having children is even better....Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 9:32 PM
CheeChee

I know how you feelChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon My mom passed 22 yrs ago when i was 8. Having my son without her here is so hard. I have so many questions about how i was as a baby and i cannot turn to her for the answers. But I do know that having my baby on my bday was her gift to me. She was with me that day, and is with me and my son everyday. I know she would be over the moon with her grandson, and she will always protect him just as she has protected me all these years. Hang in there..Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/5/06 10:09 PM
antoinette

I know how you feel as well-I longed for my mom to be there with me when my son was born. It has been very difficult to say the least. The day in the del room I was having bad contractions and the nurse kept coming in to check the baby's heartrate because the machines kept beeping, I started to get really scared that something was going to go wrong- I started to think of my mom and I "asked" her to help me get thru this delivery- sure enough things started to go much smoother after that little pep talk to my self that I felt her presence so much after that it was unbeliveable. I know she is there watching over my son. I wish I could just ask her a million questions, I wish that I asked her these questions before she passed...Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/6/06 6:29 PM
PupettaBella


Posted by lorich

I'm so sorry. This is one of my biggest fears when we decide too have children. It was hard enough not having my Mom around for our wedding...shopping for gowns, etc., but this is by far the hardest.
Know that even though you cannot see her, she is with you and your little angel.Chat Icon



I know what you mean Lori. It was sooooo hard not having my mom around for my wedding. Forget about Mothers day, all I want to do is stay under the covers and not talk to anyone. Now that DH and I are trying to conceive, I just really wish I had here to talk to and just be there when we actually do have a baby. It just seems that every great and wonderful thing that has happened in my life since she's been gone is always bittersweet now.Chat Icon

 
Posted 6/11/06 4:13 PM
reggie

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Posted 6/13/06 8:39 AM
Jenhos

Being PG and not having my mom here when my son was born has been so hard. I know she would have just adored him.

 
Posted 6/16/06 3:58 PM