wondering what others think

about this situation. I fig. this was a good place to post the situation. My BIL married a woman who was kind of eeeehhhh, about having kids. before they were married, she said she would def. have just have one for him basically. now, they have been married over three years, he is badgering her for a baby, and she wants no part of it. she of course is getting older by the second, and claims they are not ready for a kid, she doesn't want to ruin her body (etc) now my BIL is a great guy, wants a family, the white picket fence, all of that stuff. In my heart I know if she doesn't change her mind he is going to leave her. DO you think this situation is grounds for divorce or is this a for better or worse situation?

my immediate reaction: grounds for divorce

because he entered the marriage believing that they would have a child.

i don't think it's fair to anyone involved, including the potential child, to just have a baby to make someone happy - recipe for disaster.

but ultimately only he can decide if he can stay with her.

i am sorry that your BIL is in this situation though i don't think that saying 'getting older by the second' is necessary.

---

Posted by DirtyBlonde

my immediate reaction: grounds for divorce

because he entered the marriage believing that they would have a child.

---

If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.

To me that is fraud.

Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.

I believe it is grounds for divorce-irreconcilable differences to be specific if that is what he truly wants.

definitely a grounds for divorce IMO

she married him making a promise about family--thats something huge. to break that promise would be a deal breaker to me. why would she marry him if she knew that this was something he wanted? just seems very unfair to him, so i could see how he could be upset over this and it lead to a divide.

DH double checked with me before we got engaged...and then again before we got married to make sure i still didn't want kids...i never would've lied to him just to keep him...plus i couldn't be with someone who really didn't want the same life i had envisioned.

I have to say grounds for divorce. If DH hadn't wanted kids, we wouldn't have gotten married, if he had said yes and then changed his mind later, I would have walked!!

I agree with everyone else. They want completely different things. I believe it's grounds for divorce in this case.

I know someone who was in the same situation, he wanted kids, she said she would have one...they were married for a few years and she kept stalling and then said no. They eventually divorced. He is now remarried with a beautiful son.

---

Posted by BlovesE

If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.

To me that is fraud.

Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.

---

Message edited 3/11/2009 8:43:56 AM.

Maybe she thought that when she got a little older, she would warm to the idea of children? People have told me for YEARS that the desire to have children will kick in at some point (obviously it has not).

I think at this point, they need to sit down and have a serious conversation about children, to see where each person stands. If she has decided she does not want them, but he is set on having them, then perhaps they are not meant to be.

yes it is grounds for divorce. My uncle married a woman that did not want kids, but said she would have one for him.

He pushed her and prodded her but she never agreed. They have been married for 25 years and are seriously the most miserable people that I have ever met. My uncle, now at 60, has decided to finally leave her.

I hate divorce but I think this is too big an issue to settle on- your bil will never be happy if he doesnt have a child, and your sil may end up resenting him if she does it for him and really didnt want to

---

Posted by munchkinfacemama

I believe it is grounds for divorce-irreconcilable differences to be specific if that is what he truly wants.

---

Taking all the legal stuff out of it. Why should anyone be in a relationship that is not open, honest and fulfills a need. A big part of marriage is family no matter how you define it. And if one person wants children and the other doesn't... that's a big strain on the relationship.

---

Posted by Kara

---

Posted by BlovesE

If I went into my marriage with the intention of having children and my husband up and decided he did not want it might be.

To me that is fraud.

Now if she said no from the beginning and he accepted it and changed his mind that is different. But to say you want a family and then not TRY for one is lying to get a person to marry you.

---

Changing your mind is not fraud.

---

The definition of fraud is a deception made for personal gain. In my estimation her gain was to get him to marry her, and she decieved him by saying she wanted to have chilcren. This is my take on it.

 
Posted 3/11/09 9:22 PM