For Those

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Posted by greenfreak

I really really really REALLY hope that this board doesn't start going down in flames because of sharp words or misunderstandings.

We really need to avoid a board-versus-board mentality because it's just stupid and unnecessary. YES this should be a safe haven for the childless but let's not further the animosity we feel when people judge us, by sounding like we're doing the same thing to others.

We all have vents and frustrations, we can put them out there in a less abrasive way to avoid drama and pulled threads.

I hope this board doesn't get ruined for the rest of us by any of this.

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Wow... it's amazing how quickly the drama brewed!

I just have to say, as a parent myself, one who struggled for years to conceive #2, I'm not in the least bit offended by any of the comments on here, particularly Ophelia's.

To be totally honest, those were all the same fears I had prior to getting pregnant. I always felt I didn't have that maternal gene because the idea of pregnancy never sat well with me - I feared what it would do to my body, I feared what it would to my life, my career, my identity, and to my relationship with my DH.

I didn't take her post as a bash against women who have had children, but more of an honest post laying out her deepest fears about pregnancy and motherhood, that I'm sure many mothers have faced. At least, I know I did. And I only wish that people were more honest with these fears and talked about them, rather than glorify pregnancy and motherhood, and glib it over as something entirely different than what it is.

From my own experience, yup, pregnancy was hard. I was sick as a dog my first pregnancy and gained a ridiculous amount of weight. My body morphed into something I didn't recognize. This pregnancy I had to go through unimaginable tortures with doctor visits, needles, ultrasounds and panicking every morning when I see blood in my undies. It's not all that glorious, and I'll say this too, my first year as a mother was TREMENDOUSLY difficult, trying to find that balance between holding onto a piece of myself, while adapting to a whole new life.

But, to all those who fear these things, I want to tell you that your fears are normal and natural, and speaking as a woman who experienced all those things, and who can be honest about how difficult pregnancy and motherhood can be, I can also say, without a doubt, that the struggles I endured to become the mother of the fiesty, spirited, crazy smart little monkey I adore were COMPLETELY worth it. And with a little time, and a little effort, I regained myself, found a completely new, unimaginable love in my DH and my child, and found a new comfort zone for myself and my identity that I wouldn't give up for the world.

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Posted by skinny

I'm not a parent so I don't go to the parenting board. If I do and get offended, that's my own problem bc the board is not geared at where I am right now. If you're not childless, and choose to come here, you're not going to be in the same place as the other posters so u may get offended.

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I cannot believe all this drama I will be the first to say that Ophelia can certainly rub people the wrong way. Sometimes i think she's over the top and borders on rude, however, I honestly didnt see anything wrong with her post. She was commenting on HERSELF and HER FEELINGS....isnt that what this board is for? Instead of bashing her for feeling the way she does, maybe someone that was "offended" should share YOUR experiences and try to allay her fears. I think everyone who is pregnant or is considering having a baby has fears about how their body is going to change and how their relationship with their DH will be affected. I think it would have been a lot more constructive, no?

WOW...I guess I can't say I'm surprised this happened already.
It's a shame this post became more about a few people being offened, than the original post itself.

I usually don't get caught up in the drama replys because it will just keep them going. I prefer to ignore them and stick to the original question or comments from the origianl poster.

No sense feeding the fire.

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Posted by Bxgell2

Wow... it's amazing how quickly the drama brewed!

I just have to say, as a parent myself, I'm not in the least bit offended by any of the comments on here, particularly Ophelia's.

To be totally honest, those were all the same fears I had prior to getting pregnant. I always felt I didn't have that maternal gene because the idea of pregnancy never sat well with me - I feared what it would do to my body, I feared what it would to my life, my career, my identity, and to my relationship with my DH.

I didn't take her post as a bash against women who have had children, but more of an honest post laying out her deepest fears about pregnancy and motherhood, that I'm sure many mothers have faced. At least, I know I did. And I only wish that people were more honest with these fears and talked about them, rather than glorify pregnancy and motherhood, and glib it over as something entirely different than what it is.

.

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Message edited 3/11/2009 7:29:18 AM.

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Posted by Bxgell2

Wow... it's amazing how quickly the drama brewed!

I just have to say, as a parent myself, one who struggled for years to conceive #2, I'm not in the least bit offended by any of the comments on here, particularly Ophelia's.

To be totally honest, those were all the same fears I had prior to getting pregnant. I always felt I didn't have that maternal gene because the idea of pregnancy never sat well with me - I feared what it would do to my body, I feared what it would to my life, my career, my identity, and to my relationship with my DH.

I didn't take her post as a bash against women who have had children, but more of an honest post laying out her deepest fears about pregnancy and motherhood, that I'm sure many mothers have faced. At least, I know I did. And I only wish that people were more honest with these fears and talked about them, rather than glorify pregnancy and motherhood, and glib it over as something entirely different than what it is.

From my own experience, yup, pregnancy was hard. I was sick as a dog my first pregnancy and gained a ridiculous amount of weight. My body morphed into something I didn't recognize. This pregnancy I had to go through unimaginable tortures with doctor visits, needles, ultrasounds and panicking every morning when I see blood in my undies. It's not all that glorious, and I'll say this too, my first year as a mother was TREMENDOUSLY difficult, trying to find that balance between holding onto a piece of myself, while adapting to a whole new life.

But, to all those who fear these things, I want to tell you that your fears are normal and natural, and speaking as a woman who experienced all those things, and who can be honest about how difficult pregnancy and motherhood can be, I can also say, without a doubt, that the struggles I endured to become the mother of the fiesty, spirited, crazy smart little monkey I adore were COMPLETELY worth it. And with a little time, and a little effort, I regained myself, found a completely new, unimaginable love in my DH and my child, and found a new comfort zone for myself and my identity that I wouldn't give up for the world.

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I have to say - I noticed that some of the people who were most offended by this post had no problems being less than welcoming to a new poster over on the Parenting Board...

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Posted by mrswask

I have to say - I noticed that some of the people who were most offended by this post had no problems being less than welcoming to a new poster over on the Parenting Board...

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Posted by anonttcer

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Posted by mrswask

I have to say - I noticed that some of the people who were most offended by this post had no problems being less than welcoming to a new poster over on the Parenting Board...

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Good observation. Now I want to go look!!

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Message edited 3/11/2009 7:29:45 PM.

Wow.........I can't believe this. I mean I can but really I can't. I don't have kids and maybe we never will. Yes we're trying but still I can't predict the future. I SHARE Ophelia's thoughts, and I DO want kids. How do you think that makes ME feel. Yes I post on TTC because hey we are, and every now and then on pg since we were, but do you realy think that I could post this there and not get flamed into the ground? This is a place where I CAN express my feelings and not get flamed. I guess what i'm saying is I don't go on diet and exercise and post a chocolate cake recipe that has more calories the 5 big mac's...that's just rude. So please don't come on here and explain to people that don't children that they are wrong for how they feel.

As a mother I think this board is a good outlet for those who want to discuss their decision not to have children. Whatever the reason is no one should come on here and make anyone justify why they aren't having children!

I was married for nearly 5 years before getting PG, and I think everyone has the same fears about pregnancy! I had finally gotten to an ideal weight and was a perfect size and looking (I think!) as good as I did when I married at 26, and yeah, my belly is now huge, my skin is awful, it's difficult to move, and I sure don't feel at all attractive. More like a hippo. There are other disgusting things I won't mention, but if any of you want to be convinced not to get PG, I'll go into detail!

I didn't throw up, or have a bad pregnancy, but I have not enjoyed one minute of it. It's awful, and like there is a parasite inside of you stealing all of your energy. I pee 50 times a day. My body is no longer my own. Since week 18 I am getting kicked constantly from inside my belly. On the bright side, I am not eating for two, and after spending years worrying about gaining tons of weight, am entering the 3rd tri while still weighing in the 120s. It's possible so long as you keep yourself in check and don't take it as a time to eat everything in sight. In the end, we decided having a child was worth all of that, but I won't sugarcoat it, the 9 mos. of pregnancy are awful.

I really do worry about losing my identity, and not being able to successfully balance my career, my friends, and being a wife and mother. I still want to see my friends without my child and not be someone who cannot go anywhere without the child. We'll see how/if that works out.

My point is, all those fears are completely natural. And some of them, true.

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Posted by medic6809

I guess what i'm saying is I don't go on diet and exercise and post a chocolate cake recipe that has more calories the 5 big mac's...

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Posted by Blazesyth

On a side note: Everytime I read the title of this thread, all I can think is..

"For those about to rock... FIYAH!! We salute you!!"

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Posted by Bxgell2

Wow... it's amazing how quickly the drama brewed!

I just have to say, as a parent myself, ... I'm not in the least bit offended by any of the comments on here, particularly Ophelia's.

To be totally honest, those were all the same fears I had prior to getting pregnant. I always felt I didn't have that maternal gene because the idea of pregnancy never sat well with me - I feared what it would do to my body, I feared what it would to my life, my career, my identity, and to my relationship with my DH.

I didn't take her post as a bash against women who have had children, but more of an honest post laying out her deepest fears about pregnancy and motherhood, that I'm sure many mothers have faced. At least, I know I did. And I only wish that people were more honest with these fears and talked about them, rather than glorify pregnancy and motherhood, and glib it over as something entirely different than what it is.

From my own experience, yup, pregnancy was hard. I was sick as a dog my first pregnancy and gained a ridiculous amount of weight. My body morphed into something I didn't recognize.

But, to all those who fear these things, I want to tell you that your fears are normal and natural, and speaking as a woman who experienced all those things, and who can be honest about how difficult pregnancy and motherhood can be, I can also say, without a doubt, that the struggles I endured to become the mother of the fiesty, spirited, crazy smart little monkey I adore were COMPLETELY worth it. And with a little time, and a little effort, I regained myself, found a completely new, unimaginable love in my DH and my child, and found a new comfort zone for myself and my identity that I wouldn't give up for the world.

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I am a parent and I can't believe the drama that this thread has caused.

Before I was pregnant, during pregnancy and sometimes even after pregnancy I worried about being fat, getting stretch marks and losing weight. I am not sure, but I probably posted about it too. Nobody took offense.

I have seen posts on the parenting board about stomache viruses. At times parents have posted a fear that their child might catch the virus and yet that did not insult the parents of the children who already had it. How could being afraid and worried about a stomache virus or about getting fat and having stretch marks be offending? They are all legit fears. I am betting that we could find a post on the pregnancy board about how to keep stretch marks away!

I think it is great that childless couples have a place to discuss those concerns and I think some people might be a little too quick to judge. It would be different if they said, "All mothers are fat and ugly" or something.

Good luck with this board. I hope it works out.

for those

that understood where I was coming from, I thank you.

that outwardly defended me, thank you.

for those that I inadvertantly upset, I do apologize (especially if I haven't already done so personally through fm).

for those women that have gone through it already, and have shared their stories and in a certain way, validated my fears...you have no idea how much it means to me.

you really don't.

and no matter what path your life is on, I wish you all joy, fulfilment, love, and happiness.

thanks.

for the OP and the other posters on this thread that bared a part of themselves and their feelings, there is no wrong way to feel.

Message edited 3/12/2009 11:08:06 AM.

I just wanted to comment that I for one, am NOT offended that Ophelia is worried about getting stretch marks!

I don't think I am missing a female chip per se, I just don't think my baby switch has been flipped yet, KWIM?

We have still have a couple years, in my mind...We'll wait and see what happens!

ETA: I completely agree with the PP. This is a board for childless families (by choice or not.) As harsh as this may sound, I do not think mothers from the other boards should come her and attack our posts. Lurk, whatever, but posting this will lead to endless debates, pitting this childless against the parents and this is WHY this board was created.

I am really sorry, flame away, but like others have said, we don't go on parenting telling you how to raise your child, please don't come her and try to give advice or butt in. Sorry. I am actually quite peeved at those of you who don't seem to GET why this board is here. Already stirring the pot when it doesn't involve you. Boo.

Message edited 3/14/2009 9:49:24 AM.