Childless by Choice...or Not

Bottom line- there is someone who has a comment/question on everything.

When are you getting engaged?
When are you getting married?
When are you having kids?
Is that your "first"?
When are you having your second?
When are you moving out of the city?
When are you moving out of an apartment into a house?
When are you moving into a bigger house?
When are you sending the kids to camp?
When are your kids getting engaged/getting married/having kids...?
When are you retiring?
When are you moving to Boca?
When are you going to teh old age home?
What, you haven't picked out your tombstone yet?

It reminds be of that SATC episode when MIranda has a "schpeil" about why she is still single- and runs into a married friend with a schpeil about why she doesn't have kids. Everyone does thing that are right for them at their own time.

But the questions/comments - It just doesn't stop. People will always question/comment on your life. Just brush it off that some people care, some people are rude, and some people are nosy. Its just a part of life.

Message edited 3/9/2009 3:38:03 PM.

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Posted by karenk71

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Posted by Ophelia

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Posted by LIFamilies

click here

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Is "childless by choice " accurate though?

I think the bigger issue is when it's not by choice, and all of the ramifications of that choice essentially being taken away from you for whatever reason.

I think it should be called Childless Families.

and I just want to add that I wish everyone much joy and fulfillment in their lives.

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I'm not "childless by choice"...I think the name needs to be changed.
Thanks!

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Posted by butterfly20

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Posted by karenk71

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Posted by Ophelia

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Posted by LIFamilies

click here

---

Is "childless by choice " accurate though?

I think the bigger issue is when it's not by choice, and all of the ramifications of that choice essentially being taken away from you for whatever reason.

I think it should be called Childless Families.

and I just want to add that I wish everyone much joy and fulfillment in their lives.

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I'm not "childless by choice"...I think the name needs to be changed.
Thanks!

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- Ok- a bit confused here... how are childless people not childless "by choice"?

I thought people can always adopt(granted babies may take longer to adopt, may need to adopt from another country, or adopt a child who is a few years old

and if there is a couple and only one wants kids, it is the persons choice to stay with their significant other rather than pursuing a child in a new life..

just trying to understand how its not by choice?

Thanks!!!

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Posted by butterfly20

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Posted by karenk71

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Posted by Ophelia

---

Posted by LIFamilies

click here

---

Is "childless by choice " accurate though?

I think the bigger issue is when it's not by choice, and all of the ramifications of that choice essentially being taken away from you for whatever reason.

I think it should be called Childless Families.

and I just want to add that I wish everyone much joy and fulfillment in their lives.

---

I'm not "childless by choice"...I think the name needs to be changed.
Thanks!

---

- Ok- a bit confused here... how are childless people not childless "by choice"?

I thought people can always adopt(granted babies may take longer to adopt, may need to adopt from another country, or adopt a child who is a few years old

and if there is a couple and only one wants kids, it is the persons choice to stay with their significant other rather than pursuing a child in a new life..

just trying to understand how its not by choice?

Thanks!!!

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I know adoption is not easy... to me i guess i was looking at it as the definition of the word choice(the right to choose), as people chose not to adopt...

but i stand corrected on this topic- and have learned two words from
http://www.childfreebychoice.com/

Childfree- does not plan on having kids
Childless- wants but cannot conceive one

seems like their should be two boards over one....

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Posted by butterfly20

I know adoption is not easy... to me i guess i was looking at it as the definition of the word choice(the right to choose), as people chose not to adopt...

but i stand corrected on this topic- and have learned two words from
http://www.childfreebychoice.com/

Childfree- does not plan on having kids
Childless- wants but cannot conceive one

seems like their should be two boards over one....

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Posted by karenk71

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Posted by butterfly20

---

Posted by karenk71

---

Posted by Ophelia

---

Posted by LIFamilies

click here

---

Is "childless by choice " accurate though?

I think the bigger issue is when it's not by choice, and all of the ramifications of that choice essentially being taken away from you for whatever reason.

I think it should be called Childless Families.

and I just want to add that I wish everyone much joy and fulfillment in their lives.

---

I'm not "childless by choice"...I think the name needs to be changed.
Thanks!

---

- Ok- a bit confused here... how are childless people not childless "by choice"?

I thought people can always adopt(granted babies may take longer to adopt, may need to adopt from another country, or adopt a child who is a few years old

and if there is a couple and only one wants kids, it is the persons choice to stay with their significant other rather than pursuing a child in a new life..

just trying to understand how its not by choice?

Thanks!!!

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Childless by choice equals making the decision to live your life without children. I think when dealing with IF it is pretty clear that it is not my choice that I'm childless. Adoption is not always an option for everyone and is certainly not as easy as people make it sound.

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I totally feel you! First of all speaking for others and working as an attorney for children in family court for close to three years, I can say that I have more respect for those who know they do not want to have children and don't than those who just have them because they think that it makes them mutant not to and can't give them proper care.

Being childless is a personal decision and who are others to judge? Everyone has their own preferences, and although personally, we want children and are trying, which is no one's business but ours, I think there is nothing wrong if a couple decides kids are not for them. Having children means giving up a lot of different things and if someone doesn't want to give up those things, why should they be forced to have children? So they are not pitied or looked at as a freak? I don't understand it.

Right now, I am the only married friend in my group (i am the oldest by a year, but still the only one married)-so no judgement there, but work was always another story. And TTC and not having it happen right away and listening to the dummies at work always made it worse. Like my time is not valuable, like I don't have my own struggles. So usually we spend time with childless couples, couples who had their children a long time ago, or couples with children who have enough tact not to judge us.

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Posted by sleepie76

I was married for 6 years before we decided we wanted children. I hated the questions and the looks.

So rude!

I have a friend that chooses not to have children. I hate when people make comments or say, "she is selfish".


Here is a picture that hangs in her house :

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Posted by LisaW

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Posted by butterfly20

I know adoption is not easy... to me i guess i was looking at it as the definition of the word choice(the right to choose), as people chose not to adopt...

but i stand corrected on this topic- and have learned two words from
http://www.childfreebychoice.com/

Childfree- does not plan on having kids
Childless- wants but cannot conceive one

seems like their should be two boards over one....

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Hey, I'm thrilled that we got one board!

I think more than anything, the point is that childless/childfree families can mingle and share ideas and form bonds...not so much on how and why they got there

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Posted by Annie91606

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Posted by melijane


Please add-Do twins run in your family? So nosy esp with fertility drugs being so widely used today.


Did people ask you that a lot when you were pregnant with your twins?? That infuriates me. My BF has triplets, and another good friend is the Mom of twins. They were asked if twins/triplets ran in their families often, and they were also asked "were they natural"?, which I found exceptionally rude!!!

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Yup and even now that they're here I swear the next time someone asks me that I am going to say, Oh did you have s ex last night, while we're asking nosy questions

 
Posted 3/10/09 11:18 AM

I like Childless Families. It is nobody's business what your reasons for not having children are.

Message edited 3/10/2009 11:53:55 AM.

I wish the board had been called,

"Couples without Children."

The word "Childless" kind of offends me.

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Posted by rojerono

I have children.. but I have several friends who have opted to not be parents for whatever reason.

I always find it INCREDIBLY insensitive and rude when people pursue any line of questioning there.

I get "Oh - do you and Joe have any little ones?" But once someone says "No - not yet." or "No - we don't plan on starting a family" - the discussion should end there unless the other person indicates that they want to share more.

One of my closest friends doesn't have children. He would be a WONDERFUL father - but the woman he has chosen to spend his life with is 12 years older than him and is experiencing menopause. We went out one day with a group and another 'friend' asked why he and his SO didn't have 'their own' children. He said that he considered her teenage daughters to be like his own and it was clear he wanted to end the convo. This other person kept going ON AND ON AND ON about how Mike would be such a great father and how they need to try to have kids and how having stepkids is NOTHING like having your own flesh and blood, etc..

It was horrible. His GF started to cry because she felt like she was holding him back from the dream of fatherhood, his GF's daughter got VERY upset and this person stayed TOTALLY oblivious as she kept rambling on and on until her husband grabbed her arm and moved her away.

Anyway.. I think if someone is that rude and horrible to keep up a direct line of questioning about your decision or non-decision - they should be made to feel like a jerk with some blunt force aggression.

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