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| Porrruss |
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
Posted 3/6/09 8:13 PM
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| -BabyMiracle- |
Well my new answer to that question is "When you give me 25K to pay for my next IVF!"
In all seriousness, the question hurts. When asked, I either give a totally obnoxious/funny answer or I avoid it all together. Depends on my mood I guess.
I often think about the fact that we are going to live childless is a definite possibility. It's obviously not by choice. I know that I will go back to school for something I have always wanted to do, and start from the bottom in a new career. I might as well do something with my life right? It is very hard to make peace with the fact that I might not leave a legacy. I have so much love to give to a child it is stifling; I will have to let it out somehow.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  
Posted 3/6/09 8:56 PM
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| luvsbob4603 |
I cant have children, It's not by choice, Well sorta it is... I've been seizure free for 37 1/2 year's and i'm on a controlled medicine that would hurt the baby if i did get pregnant, A specialist Neurologist that i saw told me i could die if i gave birth to a baby and there could be some ramfication's with the baby because of the medicine.So dh and I decided were not going to have babies... Its a decision we have to live with, And yes everyday i get asked " Are you going to get Pg this year? Why dont you want any babies? I just tell them i'm getting to old, I'm going to be 40 this year and i'm not going to have any.. It's none of anyone's business why? It breaks my heart that i wont have any, But i also have my niece and nephew and Dh's niece and nephews, My niece is my goddaughter and Dh's niece is His goddaughter so to us they're both our daughters.
Posted 3/6/09 9:16 PM
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| woozshle |
We don't have kids, not sure if we ever will.
I think my dogs would vote NO.
I love going to all our Godchildrens' and niece's stuff.
I love seeing all the new things they learn and their amazing personalities.
Hopefully within the next few years we'll have a few more Godchildren and/or nieces/nephews.
I borrow them when I get too much of a baby itch.
Last year we took at least one to WPF, LOMB, BX ZOO, Christmas Show etc.
I feel like I get all the enjoyment w/o all the hassle.
For the rude people who question too much I say that we have no voids in our lives to fill, so there's no need for children.
Message edited 3/6/2009 9:19:15 PM.
Posted 3/6/09 9:17 PM
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| MrsD06 |
If you think you get weird looks when you say you don't plan on having children, try telling people that you don't KNOW if you want to have them or not  . We always knew we weren't ready yet and thought we would be sometime in "the future". I'm now 31 and neither one of us is 100% sure either way (thank goodness we're both on the same non-page page). Some days I think it would be great in a few years and sometimes I can see us not having kids ever.
Posted 3/6/09 9:20 PM
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| ihilani |
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
- how much life insurance/long term care insurance do you carry?
- recommend your favorite low-child vacation spot
- what do you do with your spare bedrooms
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
- what to do when feeling left out
- conversation topics for child parties
- recommend a recipe that serves two
Posted 3/6/09 9:43 PM
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| ihilani |
Back to LisaW's original questions...
I've been risk-averse and slow to do everything for as long as I can remember. Last to move out, last to meet DH, last to get married and now I've just about run out of time to have a child (not that my body would have cooperated much better 10 years ago, regardless). Sitting through kid parties and all large family events is akin to torture, especially after I just had an m/c. I'm completely left out and left behind. It reminds me of sitting through bridal showers when I didn't even have a date to bring to the wedding.
So...DH and I work too much, we watch too much tv, we sleep in, we go out to dinner all the time, and we go away more frequently than anyone else I know. DH travels somewhat for work, so we try to take advantage of his work trips to plan short add-ons for ourselves. We've run out of couples to travel with us...or even go out to dinner.
I worry about the future, what I would do if something happened to DH, what we'll do 40 years from now without any family. But, I love my DH more than words can say.
Posted 3/6/09 10:00 PM
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| Kerie-is-so-very |
Posted by LisaW
How do you deal?
What do you say when people ask if you have children and then why?
Do you feel like people look at you almost accusingly when you say you are childless? Like its some sin?
It seems that life just revolves around children...when someone has a bad day the first thing you hear is, well at least I have my wonderful child to come home to...etc etc...
Do you spend more time with other childless couples? Vacation?
Does this even make sense?
This is not a pity post...I'm just wondering how to start my life here....
thanks 
I agree that is is insensitive for anyone to assume anything about other people's situations. When I was not married, people would tell me how terrible it must be for me to be "out there dating." The truth was, I had a ton of fun. They would also tell me how much I must be dying to get married. Actually, I wanted to enjoy my single life and I did. I was very lucky because the right guy came along before I got tired of being single, but I was still an older bride. Now I have a child and I am gearing up for the comments I will get about "only having one." Who is anyone to discuss my situation as if there is any downside unless I feel that there is?
I don't think it's mean if a person says they are glad to have their kids to go home to. I don't like when anyone says "at least" about anything, so it depends on how people say it. I do not mean to imply that people without kids are lacking in their lives but I like to be able to say that I am happy to see my child.
Posted 3/6/09 10:28 PM
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| smdl |
Posted by ihilani
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
- how much life insurance/long term care insurance do you carry?
- recommend your favorite low-child vacation spot
- what do you do with your spare bedrooms
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
- what to do when feeling left out
- conversation topics for child parties
- recommend a recipe that serves two
I feel those questions all belong to boards that already exist.
I would not oppose such board. I just don't see how those questions can't be answered on already existing boards.
Like do we need a board for single people too then? Because afterall, they are not married and can't relate to married people, wether with child or not. kwim?
Posted 3/6/09 10:35 PM
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| rose825 |
Posted by ihilani
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
- how much life insurance/long term care insurance do you carry?
- recommend your favorite low-child vacation spot
- what do you do with your spare bedrooms
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
- what to do when feeling left out
- conversation topics for child parties
- recommend a recipe that serves two
great examples. Can I add a place to vent about screaming babies in diners without getting flamed. This is LIFamilies, and Families come in all shapes and sizes, the LIF families on this board that might be a little smaller deserve a "safe space".
Posted by smdl
I feel those questions all belong to boards that already exist.
I would not oppose such board. I just don't see how those questions can't be answered on already existing boards.
for that matter there shouldnt be an IF board, I mean its still TTC, if you have questions about accupuncture or anasthesia you could go to the health board, diets for PCOS? diet & fitness board etc.
There is a board for pets.
A board just for teachers.
Yes there may be overlap but these women, these FAMILIES , deserve a board to call there own and be a safe place.
Posted 3/6/09 11:09 PM
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| ihilani |
Posted by smdl
Posted by ihilani
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
- how much life insurance/long term care insurance do you carry?
- recommend your favorite low-child vacation spot
- what do you do with your spare bedrooms
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
- what to do when feeling left out
- conversation topics for child parties
- recommend a recipe that serves two
I feel those questions all belong to boards that already exist.
I would not oppose such board. I just don't see how those questions can't be answered on already existing boards.
Like do we need a board for single people too then? Because afterall, they are not married and can't relate to married people, wether with child or not. kwim?
It's not so much about the questions that would be asked as it is the people who would answer them. If I'm venting about not having anything to contribute to a party conversation about being class mother, I'd like to be able to do so in a place where I can receive support from people in similar situations and not receive many responses from actual class mothers. kwim?
There used to be a "looking for love" board, but I think it was replaced by one of the newer child-related boards, like birth story, multiple births, step-parenting, or children with special needs.
Posted 3/6/09 11:14 PM
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| ilt1221 |
I did not want children and now I have 2. But that being said I have friends that are undergoing IVF and I also work with childless by choice bosses. I know that I hate the question about having more children or before I was married about having children that I would not ask anyone that question because it truly is a personal decision between a couple and should be respected.
I think if someone is asking because they are trying to make conversation, that is okay. To continue on and say oh you dont know what your missing etc--I have no right to say this. I dont know who is trying, who has issues vs who has done so by choice. If someone has told me they do not want to have children I dont pursue it. That being said I would appreciate a mutual tolerance, when my child is screaming in a public place dont look at me in disgust, be sympathetic and a little patient I am dealing with the situation. It should go both ways.
Posted 3/6/09 11:21 PM
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| Blazesyth |
Posted by ihilani
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
I LOVE this one. 
It's OK for people with children to not meet their work expectations because there is a child involved - but if I was to say "Oh, I need to take my cat to the vet, here do my work" or "Kitty has a recital this morning at kitty day care, I need to videotape it so you'll need to finish project ABC by yourself because I'll be in late.." people would FLIP.
Posted 3/7/09 7:45 AM
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| MrsMessina |
Posted by rose825
Yes there may be overlap but these women, these FAMILIES , deserve a board to call there own and be a safe place.
ITA. I visit IF more than any other board on here--- because that's what my life is focused around right now. I consider it to be my safehaven, where people understand what I'm going thru- and I am being totally honest when I tell you that if there was only a TTC board at this point, I would be finding another message board with people who 'get' what I'm going thru because it's such a huge void in my life that I need others who understand... so I don't always feel like I'm going thru it alone.
I gave up going to TTC a long time ago, with the exception to check on a few friends I have that are over there- because more than once I got flamed for something I wrote, or told I was 'bitter' because I was knowledgeable and when people asked certain questions- and I answered where not everything was coming up roses...
Families come in all shapes and sizes- to have a message board focused around families should absolutely mean ALL types of families. Would another board really make a difference to those of you who don't think it's 'necessary'? So many of the boards are there for certain periods in our lives... TTC, IF, Pregnancy, - we have a coupon board, and a book board...but no Families without Children board? I just don't see how someone having this become their lifestyle for the rest of their lives doesn't deem it important enough for it's own board- though as PP said, the 3 pages on this thread I would hope should show there is a need. 
If it becomes a safehaven for those people, I'm all for it- whether I am never a poster on it, or if I join it when my IF journey ends...
IF sucks-- and though I know it's a choice to not have children for some, when your heart is set on it and it doesn't happen.... well, I honestly don't even know what to say.   I can only speak from my heart and say that I can't imagine... and yet it's my biggest fear- and if I come to that point in my journey you can bet that I would want that same support that Lisa is looking for. for you.
Message edited 3/7/2009 7:57:44 AM.
Posted 3/7/09 7:53 AM
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| Red |
Posted by ihilani
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
Other topics could include:
- how to deal with co-workers who dump work on you when they need to leave to meet the babysitter
- how much life insurance/long term care insurance do you carry?
- recommend your favorite low-child vacation spot
- what do you do with your spare bedrooms
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
- what to do when feeling left out
- conversation topics for child parties
- recommend a recipe that serves two
yes, I would love such a board, especially for all these reasons
Posted 3/7/09 8:01 AM
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| LisaW |
Posted by ihilani
Posted by Porrruss
I don't see how a "childless" board wold fit? I mean, what would you talk about that is any different from any of the content on any other boards (beside Parenting,TTC, and PG of course)?
- want to go to costco with me and split the packages?
Thanks for giving me a MUCH NEEDED laugh 
Posted 3/7/09 8:03 AM
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| Red |
Lisa, we are taking each day at a time. I can honestly say that my response and my whole attitude to being around people with children has changed. I am so much more relaxed about the topic now.
I tell people we can't have children
they ask have we considered IVF
I give them the look, explain how many needles I've stuck in myself...leave it hanging a second, and just say we are one of those couples who just can't.
Mentally, I've been prepared for almost a year, I spent the last 6 birthdays thinking about the failures, but this birthday I am looking to the future and whatever it brings.
I agree we are lucky to have surrounded by a group of succesful IVFers who 'get it', so we have the chance to be with them without the whole I'm a Mom and thats all I do concept.
You can spend more time golfing....with me
Posted 3/7/09 8:06 AM
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| Gertyrae |
DH and I had pretty much thought we were going to end up childless after all...and although that may hopefully change I had gotten all kinds of comments beforehand.
I don't know what the answers are because I always just told people that we were trying and so far unsuccessful. I have been exposed to my friends having children for many years now and just started to adapt. I didn't go to all parties, I would just make sure to show up at the important ones. DH and I used to travel a lot more and we DID hang out with mostly friends who were childless.
I also don't understand those who don't see the need for a "Childless Family" board...I think getting opinions from people in the same boat as you is a very important thing. If you ask about traveling on the travel board, you are going to get all kinds of answers - and mostly from people with children...why would it be wrong to have a board where those without children could discuss their particular wants and needs without unwanted input.
As I've said many times before...I think the Childless board is a wonderful and necessary idea!!
Posted 3/7/09 8:10 AM
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| architectnycity |
Posted by ihilani
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
I think people with kids would respond to those posts anyway. Look how many people with kids responded to this post.
Posted 3/7/09 8:23 AM
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| Blazesyth |
Posted by architectnycity
Posted by ihilani
It would be a "safe" place for us to chat about our unique issues and perspective. The three pages of this post should give some insight on what it's like to be childless in a child-centered world.
I think people with kids would respond to those posts anyway. Look how many people with kids responded to this post.
I agree. While I think it's a great idea, I think it would quickly become a place for the drama lama.
Posted 3/7/09 8:42 AM
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