Long Island Forums > TTC & Pregnancy after Miscarriage

When does the anger go away?

Posted By Message
conigs25

Im just f*cking angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Posted 10/18/08 3:11 PM
BABYMAMA13

i wish i could tell, u but i had a still birth at 20 weeks and im still very angry! It gets easier i guess but im still angry.

 
Posted 10/18/08 4:01 PM
IrishLass

I agree with pp...it's gets manageable..but the anger still sneaks up on me sometimes. I'm sorry! Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/18/08 10:27 PM
Nikkibean

I had 4 m/c. I started to type this whole long story about it but then I deleted it all.

Reading my story and how I feel is not going to make the anger go away. Anger is just a part of the grieving. We don't just grieve the loss of a child. We grieve for the loss of being pregnant, birth, and all that comes with it. We are angry bc we lost what we thought the future had in store for us and once again the future is uncertain.

It's not fair and there's not one blessed thing we can do about it! So, if you are angry then scream and shout! Type it out! Do whatever is going to make you feel better- even if it's only for the moment.

I don't know when the anger will go away. I just know that in time things will get a little easier.

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Posted 10/18/08 10:28 PM
faithann

It will get easier. But you have EVERY right in the world to be angry, furious, etc. It's such an unfair thing to experience. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/19/08 10:26 AM
michey1217

Well, it's been about 4 months and I still get angry and bitter about preganncy, birth and others who are going through being pregnant and birth. I still find myself jealous and angry that it had to happen to me and why not me, etc. etc. This was my 2nd MC and well, I know through experience it gets better but, never goes away.

 
Posted 10/19/08 10:29 AM
QueSeraSera

It comes and goes at this point. I think we definitely go through the grief process when dealing with this....it's accelerated, but the stages of grief all seem to be there.

This link helped me think through things and understand what I was feeling-it helped to see that it was normal to feel this way.Pregnancy and Infant Loss

 
Posted 10/19/08 8:14 PM
sweetdreamz1181

i still feel anger and alot of sadness just not as much as before.. its just all part of the grieving process Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/19/08 8:35 PM
futuremommy


Posted by Nikkibean
Anger is just a part of the grieving. We don't just grieve the loss of a child. We grieve for the loss of being pregnant, birth, and all that comes with it. We are angry bc we lost what we thought the future had in store for us and once again the future is uncertain.

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I totally agree with this.
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Posted 10/20/08 7:24 AM
michey1217


Posted by QueSeraSera

It comes and goes at this point. I think we definitely go through the grief process when dealing with this....it's accelerated, but the stages of grief all seem to be there.

This link helped me think through things and understand what I was feeling-it helped to see that it was normal to feel this way.Pregnancy and Infant Loss



Thanks this is very helpful..

 
Posted 10/20/08 7:43 AM
jam11308


Posted by Nikkibean
Anger is just a part of the grieving. We don't just grieve the loss of a child. We grieve for the loss of being pregnant, birth, and all that comes with it. We are angry bc we lost what we thought the future had in store for us and once again the future is uncertain.

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I totally agree with this too...It does get easier with time, but I don't know that it ever fully goes away...

I'm so, so sorry for your loss Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/20/08 10:26 AM
twiceasnice


Posted by Nikkibean

Anger is just a part of the grieving. We don't just grieve the loss of a child. We grieve for the loss of being pregnant, birth, and all that comes with it. We are angry bc we lost what we thought the future had in store for us and once again the future is uncertain.



Could not be said more perfectly.

I know the answer to this question but it is painful. The anger goes away when you are finally allowed to give the love you have inside you to your child. I really dont want to hurt anyone by saying this. When I say your child, I mean the one you may give birth too or the one you may adopt, whatever it is that your future holds.

I had 2 m/c's then I almost lost my life to an ectopic but instead lost a tube. I was angry, sad devastated I was a walking zombie. My DH suffered terribly because I was afraid to get PG. I dreamt of the babies I couldn't hold. I fantasized about what they looked like how they would smell, what I would name them. They were mine and they were gone and I could only trust that one day I would meet them. This went on for years.

I finally had the courage to TTC and it was successful. ALl the love I stored up right next to the pain was released and the anger went away (fear not so likely). Why I want to express this to you is because I personally feel so guilty for letting it go. I rarely find myself thinking of them and thinking of everything we went through. I don't fantasize about them anymore. Sometimes if I see older children I think..my first would be that age..but the sadness doesn't follow that thought anymore. The anger made it more real where now it is just in my past.

This may sound nutty but I believe (based off my feelings) that when you get PG you instantly fall in love with this little being. If the PG fails the being goes away but the love still exists leaving you feeling empty. I know what it feels like to feel empty but I also know what it feels like to feel full.

You girls are all strong for just being on this board and trying. Keep looking to the future and wish you all lots of sticky
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Posted 10/21/08 3:11 PM
MrsMessina

I agree w/ everyone else. Chat Icon It's just part of the process, and it's completely normal. I'm still angry, and I had a very early miscarriage. It will get better, I promise. Time heals all wounds. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/21/08 4:18 PM
WNA01

Its been 5 1/2 months since my miscarriage and the anger is still there - just not as much... I felt angry EVERY day - it consumed me. Now i get by. I have alot more hope. My faith was tested and i lost all faith in my beliefs with God. I have repaired that loss of belief recently and i have finally found some inner peace.
It never goes away.. It never will. It is something that we have to accept and live with.

 
Posted 10/21/08 8:00 PM
sleepie76


Posted by twiceasnice


Posted by Nikkibean

Anger is just a part of the grieving. We don't just grieve the loss of a child. We grieve for the loss of being pregnant, birth, and all that comes with it. We are angry bc we lost what we thought the future had in store for us and once again the future is uncertain.



Could not be said more perfectly.

I know the answer to this question but it is painful. The anger goes away when you are finally allowed to give the love you have inside you to your child. I really dont want to hurt anyone by saying this. When I say your child, I mean the one you may give birth too or the one you may adopt, whatever it is that your future holds.

I had 2 m/c's then I almost lost my life to an ectopic but instead lost a tube. I was angry, sad devastated I was a walking zombie. My DH suffered terribly because I was afraid to get PG. I dreamt of the babies I couldn't hold. I fantasized about what they looked like how they would smell, what I would name them. They were mine and they were gone and I could only trust that one day I would meet them. This went on for years.

I finally had the courage to TTC and it was successful. ALl the love I stored up right next to the pain was released and the anger went away (fear not so likely). Why I want to express this to you is because I personally feel so guilty for letting it go. I rarely find myself thinking of them and thinking of everything we went through. I don't fantasize about them anymore. Sometimes if I see older children I think..my first would be that age..but the sadness doesn't follow that thought anymore. The anger made it more real where now it is just in my past.

This may sound nutty but I believe (based off my feelings) that when you get PG you instantly fall in love with this little being. If the PG fails the being goes away but the love still exists leaving you feeling empty. I know what it feels like to feel empty but I also know what it feels like to feel full.

You girls are all strong for just being on this board and trying. Keep looking to the future and wish you all lots of sticky
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Thank you for writing this Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/22/08 10:32 AM
MetsGirl07

i agree with all these ladies...

its just something that you will never forget but will get better as days go by..

i just past my due date and i honestly feel a little better about it... a little closure..


we are all here if you want to chat!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

 
Posted 10/22/08 10:50 AM