| Posted By |
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| MrsMessina |
Ok a whole day has gone by and I'm more in a funk than I was last night.  I just picked a fight w/ DH who is now in bed, and I'm just angry at the world today.    
I didn't get dressed until after 1pm today.  And I didn't get out of bed (though I was awake) until almost 11. I don't care to do anything, yet I have a million and a half things running through my head that should be done. Then when I try to do them I feel like I should be doing something else. What is wrong with me??????? It's been over a month since the shots.... I thought things would be starting to get better by now.
Someone I know told me it's b/c I just came back from vacation- back to 'reality'. I used to care for my grandma on a daily basis but my uncle has decided she's staying with him from now on, so that was my norm/reality- and now I don't have that anymore either. And TTC has been my reality/norm for 4 1/2 years+ now and I'm on hold w/ that too b/c of the methotrexate shots.
I got my bloodwork done and am on provera now, waiting for AF to come either this weekend or early next week hopefully- but I still have at least one more round of that in another month or so before we're allowed to start to try again. Sorry, I've been having a pity party all day.... I can't get out of it... I'm so mad at myself, and yet just sad. I thought things were getting better- maybe I was just fooling myself. Sorry, I hate to be a downer...... I just needed to get it out and hoped maybe others on here have gone through this, or that I'm not alone (though I wish none of us have/had gone through this) 
Message edited 10/7/2008 10:28:25 PM.
Posted 10/7/08 10:26 PM
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| QueSeraSera |
So sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like a bit of depression and it's totally normal. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't get out of bed until almost 5PM over the weekend- just couldn't it- laid there staring at the wall most of the day...
If you feel like it's not getting better, maybe it't time to think about a therapist? Just so you have someone to talk to, to get your feelings out, and who can support you as you go through this.....I am giving myself another week to deal with it on my own, if it doesn't, I think I might look into it myself.
I hope you feel better soon!
Posted 10/8/08 7:33 AM
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| IrishLass |
I'm so sorry you feel this way!! I wish you felt better. It's perfectly normal to have days like this, I was the same way after my last m/c. I actually went to a therapist 2 or 3 x after the last one, just to deal with the whole grieving process and it helped me alot.
Hope you are feeling better soon! Don't be too hard on yourself!
Posted 10/8/08 8:22 AM
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| MetsGirl07 |
Shannon..i am so sorry you are feeling down...
i get like this too... one day i will be fine...then the next is entirely different...like night and day. i think we just go through phases and its hurting us mentally what we have been through
Posted 10/8/08 8:58 AM
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| sweetdreamz1181 |
Posted 10/8/08 9:45 AM
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| JennyPenny |
I was seriously considering talking to my old therapist after my m/c when I found I just wasn't getting over it. I was eventually able to get past it without having to go down that road. If it ever happens again, though, I will certainly be going.
This is not an easy thing to put behind you. Regardless how far along you were. Especially because it took you so long to get pregnant- it just makes it that much harder.
Posted 10/8/08 9:48 AM
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| JennyPenny |
Oh and one more thing.
It is so easy to take our hurt and frustrations out on our husbands. But try to remember, that is how infertility will destroy your marriage if you let it. Confide in him- let him be your emotional release. Even if he isn't feeling what you are- just keep him close.
Posted 10/8/08 9:50 AM
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| MrsMessina |
Thanks everyone.  I got out of bed with a better attitude this morning (and at a normal time!  )
I had thought about seeing a therapist, but I know that once we're actually allowed to start trying again, though I'll never forget what I've lost, I'll be able to move on - because my want/need/desire to be a mom can outweigh anything...
I just need to be able to start again already.... Sitting here twiddling my thumbs doesn't help. Plus I'm wondering if it's the provera just adding to everything- my body never likes this medication. 
Thanks again.
Posted 10/8/08 9:53 AM
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| MrsMessina |
Posted by JennyPenny
Oh and one more thing.
It is so easy to take our hurt and frustrations out on our husbands. But try to remember, that is how infertility will destroy your marriage if you let it. Confide in him- let him be your emotional release. Even if he isn't feeling what you are- just keep him close.
LOL- last night he deserved it. We're normally VERY close and he has been wonderful. But instead of allowing me to confide in him yesterday, he went into our spare bedroom and shut the door and was on the computer for hours... then he came out and decided it was time for bed... THAT's when I picked the fight b/c he knew something was wrong and just couldn't deal w/ dealing w/ it I guess...
I saw him this morning and things were much better. It's just sometimes I need him and he either doesn't realize it or is too busy, though not often. 
Posted 10/8/08 9:57 AM
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| JennyPenny |
Posted by MrsMessina
Posted by JennyPenny
Oh and one more thing.
It is so easy to take our hurt and frustrations out on our husbands. But try to remember, that is how infertility will destroy your marriage if you let it. Confide in him- let him be your emotional release. Even if he isn't feeling what you are- just keep him close.
LOL- last night he deserved it. We're normally VERY close and he has been wonderful. But instead of allowing me to confide in him yesterday, he went into our spare bedroom and shut the door and was on the computer for hours... then he came out and decided it was time for bed... THAT's when I picked the fight b/c he knew something was wrong and just couldn't deal w/ dealing w/ it I guess...
I saw him this morning and things were much better. It's just sometimes I need him and he either doesn't realize it or is too busy, though not often.
ahhhh gotcha
Men S*ck sometimes 
Posted 10/8/08 9:59 AM
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| myson220 |
Posted by MrsMessina
Posted by JennyPenny
Oh and one more thing.
It is so easy to take our hurt and frustrations out on our husbands. But try to remember, that is how infertility will destroy your marriage if you let it. Confide in him- let him be your emotional release. Even if he isn't feeling what you are- just keep him close.
LOL- last night he deserved it. We're normally VERY close and he has been wonderful. But instead of allowing me to confide in him yesterday, he went into our spare bedroom and shut the door and was on the computer for hours... then he came out and decided it was time for bed... THAT's when I picked the fight b/c he knew something was wrong and just couldn't deal w/ dealing w/ it I guess...
I saw him this morning and things were much better. It's just sometimes I need him and he either doesn't realize it or is too busy, though not often.
I'm so glad to hear you are doing better today. I was thinking about you. . You just have so much going on right now. A day like yesterday is normal. You're allowed. Remember that. As for your DH, I know you two are usually great together and if you say he deserved yesterday, then he did!! 
Posted 10/8/08 11:30 AM
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