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| Janice |
SIL is coming on Thursday night for the weekend with BIL.
They just found out today that she miscarried(she is 12 weeks) and she is having a D and C tomorrow.
I told them not to come, but BIL says she wants to be around people and she's really really sad(understandably).
What can I do for her? what can I expect?
They are coming with their 5 year old...so I am thinking of planning something with her daughter and Josh, setting her up on the couch with remote and food...giving her a few hours.
I want her really comfortable.
suggestions? thanks... 
Posted 10/7/08 1:25 PM
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| MetsGirl07 |
dont be sorry... it was very sweet of you to ask girls that know.. and get advice...
its a great idea about the kids... have it all set up for them...
then i would honestly dont avoid the question of " i am sorry" but thats just me.. and i know other girls feel that way too.. she will answer you,, then if she wants to talk about it .. she will.. if not.. then you can change the subject.. but it just shows that you care enough to ask..
we had a couple come over right after my loss, and they never even said sorry... and it actually made me feel a little worse...
but this is my own experience... 
you can also maybe get her a cute little boquet of flowers.. that cheered me up too .!!!
Posted 10/7/08 1:43 PM
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| Janice |
thanks Deanna!
I just cried on phone to BIL...but I like your suggestion, I will let her take the lead, but will say I am sorry.
Flowers are a great idea
He's a military guy, so they aren't living around anyone, I guess that's why they still want to come down here for the weekend.
Posted 10/7/08 1:52 PM
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| MetsGirl07 |
Posted by Janice
thanks Deanna!
I just cried on phone to BIL...but I like your suggestion, I will let her take the lead, but will say I am sorry.
Flowers are a great idea
He's a military guy, so they aren't living around anyone, I guess that's why they still want to come down here for the weekend.
yea even though it always "seems" like they want to be alone and have their space... that doesnt always happen.. i know i didnt .. i wanted all the company.. it really does keep your mind clear for the time being.. and friends and family are the best remedy 
i hope she is sincerely ok.. it hurts so much.. i hope she reaches out and talks to you... it helped me.. instead of keeping it inside.. but its up to her!!
Posted 10/7/08 2:03 PM
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| when |
yea...I would really keep the focus on the kids....and keep it fun.
Good to acknowledge the mc.....I like your couch idea and letting her be alone for awhile.
Don't over-do it though (not that you would). I come on this board a lot, but when it comes to real life I like to kind of just not talk about it with people and keep moving......that's just me though.
Wow...you're a really great SIL. I wish you were in my family!
Message edited 10/7/2008 7:50:28 PM.
Posted 10/7/08 7:49 PM
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| mom2mgn |
It's so sweet of you to worry about her so much!!! You're a great SIL. All your ideas are perfect. If you get a chance alone with her, I would just tell her that you are sorry and you are there for her if she wants to talk. Leave it at that see where she goes with it.
Posted 10/8/08 11:42 AM
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| Janice |
thanks guys!
So I chatted with her last night...she said she doesn't want to bring it up when she gets here, that she needs the break. She wants to feel happy for 4 days then go home and deal with it again.
thanks for your help
Posted 10/8/08 12:56 PM
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| MrsRbk |
Posted by Janice
thanks guys!
So I chatted with her last night...she said she doesn't want to bring it up when she gets here, that she needs the break. She wants to feel happy for 4 days then go home and deal with it again.
thanks for your help
I was the same way after my m/c.
Actually the day mine started,(we knew it was inevitible) we had been invited to a casual dinner party that we declined because I thought I didn't want to be around anyone. The hosts knew our situation at that point. Anyway, I had my husband call them at the very last minute to say we were coming. I just couldn't sit home and cry anymore at that point as I had done the whole week. I need to just feel myself even if it was just for a couple of hours.
Everyone deals with it differently. And I think it's wonderful you are so sensitive to her situation. More people should be that way!
Posted 10/8/08 1:50 PM
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