| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
| when |
What are some of the stupidest things people said to you after your mc in an effort to make you feel better, which ultimately set you off and/or upset you?
Two of mine include:
"It'll only make you stronger."
and
"well, now you'll be able to travel a bit more"
I know that people mean well....but really, they'd be better off just keeping their mouths SHUT.
Posted 9/25/08 10:27 AM
|
| MetsGirl07 |
ughhh... i can probably write a book...
my all time WORST comment is.....
" well at least you CAN get pregnant" 
Posted 9/25/08 10:33 AM
|
| jam11308 |
One of my oldest friends & I hung out 3 days afterwards, so I told her both that I had been pg and that I had had an mc at the same time. Her reply was "WOW congratulations!!! At least you know now that you can get pregnant!!" with a BIG smile! I wanted to die...
In retrospect, I know that she didn't mean to hurt me & since then she's been very careful with her selection of words. Having never experienced it herself, I think that her response was because she knew that I've had "women issues" for years & that it might be difficult for me to conceive...she focused on that instead, not knowing how badly it hurt. I can understand that now
Posted 9/25/08 10:34 AM
|
| MetsGirl07 |
Posted by jam11308
One of my oldest friends & I hung out 3 days afterwards, so I told her both that I had been pg and that I had had an mc at the same time. Her reply was "WOW congratulations!!! At least you know now that you can get pregnant!!" with a BIG smile! I wanted to die...
In retrospect, I know that she didn't mean to hurt me & since then she's been very careful with her selection of words. Having never experienced it herself, I think that her response was because she knew that I've had "women issues" for years & that it might be difficult for me to conceive...she focused on that instead, not knowing how badly it hurt. I can understand that now
omg..i remember you were telling me this... i would have slapped her... how rude 
Posted 9/25/08 10:37 AM
|
| sunflowerdmsrn |
I got the "Well, at least you can get pregnant" comment both times.
The one that hurt me the most was from a coworker that didn't like me much and was extremely jealous of my life said "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
That was like a bullet to the uterus.
This pregnancy now I had a scare in the beginning because it was hard to see and they weren't sure if this was a true pregnany. The doctor says to me while I am in tears "Don't worry you already have a beautiful baby right here"
Thanks I know I have a baby but that doesn't mean I dont' deserve another. Thank god everything so far is ok.
I feel for you girls.
Posted 9/25/08 10:51 AM
|
| sleepie76 |
It wasn't meant to be.
what the heck is that supposed to mean ???
I hate that one.
Message edited 9/25/2008 11:05:15 AM.
Posted 9/25/08 11:04 AM
|
| sleepie76 |
Posted by sunflowerdmsrn
The one that hurt me the most was from a coworker that didn't like me much and was extremely jealous of my life said "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
That was like a bullet to the uterus.
That is unbelievable! What kind of person says that!
Posted 9/25/08 11:06 AM
|
| JennyPenny |
I can't really think of any that stick out in my mind. I have gotten the- At least you know you can get pregnant, and it wasn't meant to be.
I just let most things go, though, now because I know people mean well, they just don't know what to say.
Posted 9/25/08 11:13 AM
|
| MrsRbk |
I was in the middle of my m/c when my step mother (a therapist no less), told me she thought I was over-reacting and I needed to get over it and move on and she couldn't understand why I was using the word "devastated"
Meanwhile, this was my first IVF attempt after we'd been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years at that point.
Posted 9/25/08 11:57 AM
|
| sweetdreamz1181 |
i got many but the ones that bother me most are
It wasnt meant to be
At least you know you can get pregnant
I dont like to fly so i didnt go on a honeymoon far away and at least 4 people were like just go away get on a plane enjoy ur life then have kids
umm having kids would be more of a joy in my life then having to be drugged to get on a plane
Posted 9/25/08 12:47 PM
|
| QueSeraSera |
Posted by sunflowerdmsrn
The one that hurt me the most was from a coworker that didn't like me much and was extremely jealous of my life said "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
That was like a bullet to the uterus.
 That is pure evil. I can't believe someone said that to you!
Posted 9/25/08 12:49 PM
|
| IrishLass |
after the first 2 losses it was:
"It was meant to be". which sucks.
"You'll have another one." WELL, I WANTED THIS ONE! And, you don't know that for sure.
After the 3rd one, when I found out the baby had Downs Syndrome it was
"Well, you are 40.". Like I should have expected it.
I'm completely convinced it's stupid comments like this that makes people keep it to themselves and not share their loss. It's hard to remember that people are trying to be supportive and actually just don't know what to say to you.
Posted 9/25/08 12:55 PM
|
| jam11308 |
Posted by QueSeraSera
Posted by sunflowerdmsrn
The one that hurt me the most was from a coworker that didn't like me much and was extremely jealous of my life said "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND".
That was like a bullet to the uterus.
That is pure evil. I can't believe someone said that to you!
That really IS pure evil...I can't believe it either  She better watch out - if she really believes that then she's got some bad karma heading her way...
Posted 9/25/08 7:15 PM
|
| dm24angel |
I hate that people just dont think before they talk.
It may not seem mean or rude but at the hosp. On Sun, a nurse said, I'll be anything your PG again in 3 months. I wanted to say well it took 3 yrs for this one, so I doubt that, but sometimes it best to just smile and nod.
Posted 9/25/08 7:51 PM
|
| dgirl |
It wasn't meant to be.
At least you conceived, a lot of people can't.
Better that it happens now instead of later on in the pregnancy. That one had me 
All of these comments were from people really meaning to comfort me.
Posted 9/25/08 8:24 PM
|
| MrsMessina |
Posted by MetsGirl07
ughhh... i can probably write a book...
my all time WORST comment is.....
" well at least you CAN get pregnant"
This was the #1 thing that ppl said to me... after 4 1/2 year of trying, it wasn't quite the outcome I was hoping for.  
Posted 9/25/08 9:24 PM
|
| MrsMessina |
Posted by dgirl
Better that it happens now instead of later on in the pregnancy. That one had me
My DB said this to me. Mind you he has 2 beautiful kids and not a day of IF 'struggles' or even TTC 'struggles' since they got pg the first month they were trying the first time and the 2nd one they were just 'thinking' about trying to start again.
His point was (in my case) that at least we hadn't seen or heard the heartbeat, or had sonogram pics.... which he thought would've made it much worse for us- and he may be right... I'm not so sure though. All I needed was that 2nd line on the PG test and I was head over heels in love.... instantly. Ugh.... I know ppl mean well, but sometimes I'm sorry is good enough- there's nothing else anyone can say to fix it or bring them back.
Posted 9/25/08 9:28 PM
|
| jennyal |
Posted by jam11308
One of my oldest friends & I hung out 3 days afterwards, so I told her both that I had been pg and that I had had an mc at the same time. Her reply was "WOW congratulations!!! At least you know now that you can get pregnant!!" with a BIG smile! I wanted to die...
In retrospect, I know that she didn't mean to hurt me & since then she's been very careful with her selection of words. Having never experienced it herself, I think that her response was because she knew that I've had "women issues" for years & that it might be difficult for me to conceive...she focused on that instead, not knowing how badly it hurt. I can understand that now
what an *itch!
Posted 9/25/08 9:36 PM
|
| Sneezy |
After my ectopic, one of my best friends who was 7 months pregnant at the time said, "Well, everything happens for a reason."
Do you want to tell me what stupid reason exists for this, @$$hole?
Posted 9/25/08 10:29 PM
|
| kahlua716 |
Posted by Sneezy
Do you want to tell me what stupid reason exists for this, @$$hole?
Many times miscarriages occur when there is something wong with the fetus-maybe that is what she meant.
I know that when my sister had a miscarriage I said a few of these things- of course not while she was in the hospital or anything- but as she was recovering.
It was kind of a silver lining thing- you know- at least you know now that conceiving isn't the problem (which I now know wasn't exactly true) and that things DO happen for a reason (meaning the problem was most likely a chromosomal abnormality) and that it was better off that she had a miscarriage than that she went full term and delivered a baby that would not survive.
I see now that these things are hurtful- but it is hurtful to me to see that I could've been being called an a$$hole behind my back just because I can't understand and was trying to be nice.
I'm glad I know now to just keep my mouth shut.
PS- sorry for crashing- just wanted to give the other side of the coin, in my case anyway.
 
Message edited 9/26/2008 10:39:57 AM.
Posted 9/26/08 10:37 AM
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |