Long Island Forums > Step-parents

Respect/consideration issues

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legallyblonde	Posted by MamaNDaddyof3 op you keepgoing on about doing BM a favor etc...........well really her DH should have said no cant help you out my DW and I have plans sorry thats not the BMs fault its her DH he should have said NO Exactly. But he didn't. Why? To keep BM happy. When BM is happy, everyone is happy. That's the rule of thumb in our house. But my point is keeping her happy should not be done at our expense. Not that this is really relevant but I'm sure her "errand" had to do with her new boyfriend that she is keeping a secret from SD until she's sure it's serious...which is definitley the right thing to do considering her track record. I can't think of any other reason why a) She couldn't bring SD on her "errand" and b) She refused to tell us where she was going. But go frolick with secret lover when SD isn't with you. SD is young. She should have been in bed at that time instead of being shuttled all over the place at 9 on a school night. Posted 9/11/08 10:26 AM
legallyblonde	Posted by AnaMaree77 How long has your DH been divorced? I think the point is that your DH disregarded YOUR plans in order to accomodate something BM had to do...not something his DD had to do...am I correct? Because ONCE AGAIN...BM needed a favor. SD did not need the favor, BM needed the favor. Why couldn't she do whatever was so important during her own time? Well...because she knows your DH will accomodate her out of guilt. No divorce. Actually, not even a relationship. That's a whole story for a rainy day. And yes, you got my point and expressed it perhaps a bit better than I did. And as Sash said, things that have to do with SD are definitely a split responsibility. No doubt about that. And there is certainly nothing wrong with accomodating each others schedules and helping each other out when needed. It's the taking advantage of and being inconsiderate is what frustrates me. Posted 9/11/08 10:35 AM
cantbelieveit	Believe me, there is a lot I could add to this topic but I am just going to say this. We have been in SEVERAL similar situations and unfortunatly we usually end up "doing the favor". More so because BM will just drop SS with someone else to do what she wants to do rather than not do it. So we figure it is in the best interest in the child to have him here than with someone else. Posted 9/11/08 9:36 PM
hbugal	Posted by legallyblonde And as Sash said, things that have to do with SD are definitely a split responsibility. No doubt about that. And there is certainly nothing wrong with accomodating each others schedules and helping each other out when needed. It's the taking advantage of and being inconsiderate is what frustrates me. Exactly!!!!! Im a BM and I never do this to my ex.. We are far from friends but we keep the peace for the sake of the kids. We respect each others time with the kids and we respect each others private time as well. We generally try to plan special events around our visitation schedule..and if this isnt possible we always check with the other person first... My DH's ex is constantly making DH run over there b/c she made a doctors appointment for the kids that she cant possibly get to. Of course he'll do it but why did you make it at a time when you couldnt take them???? And then not even tell him about it until the day before??? Why is it that at least once a month you have to adjust the weekend visitation??? Why does the weekly visits always have to be adjusted?? She makes it impossible for us to make any sort of plans...if he says no he looks like a bad parent. AND if he goes through with his plans without his kids he looks like a bad parent... It's so frustrating! Posted 9/11/08 9:49 PM
AnaMaree77	Posted by hbugal Posted by legallyblonde And as Sash said, things that have to do with SD are definitely a split responsibility. No doubt about that. And there is certainly nothing wrong with accomodating each others schedules and helping each other out when needed. It's the taking advantage of and being inconsiderate is what frustrates me. Exactly!!!!! Im a BM and I never do this to my ex.. We are far from friends but we keep the peace for the sake of the kids. We respect each others time with the kids and we respect each others private time as well. We generally try to plan special events around our visitation schedule..and if this isnt possible we always check with the other person first... My DH's ex is constantly making DH run over there b/c she made a doctors appointment for the kids that she cant possibly get to. Of course he'll do it but why did you make it at a time when you couldnt take them???? And then not even tell him about it until the day before??? Why is it that at least once a month you have to adjust the weekend visitation??? Why does the weekly visits always have to be adjusted?? She makes it impossible for us to make any sort of plans...if he says no he looks like a bad parent. AND if he goes through with his plans without his kids he looks like a bad parent... It's so frustrating! I can completely relate to this poster. How Sad....I thought I was the only one with these issues so it is comforting to know that IT'S NOT JUST US!! Posted 9/12/08 8:38 AM
toni-mike	Exactly. But he didn't. Why? To keep BM happy. When BM is happy, everyone is happy. That's the rule of thumb in our house. But my point is keeping her happy should not be done at our expense. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ so sympathize with that statement. for us sometimes its better to just take the kids whenever she asks , cause its avoids drama. my dh ex has left the kids home when we have said that we couldnt take them so 4 peace of mind we just take em quite often,, i wanted to say that in your orig post she asked if you could watch them for 10 min. I mean nothing in this world takes 10 min to do nowadays.. this i learned from bio mom . if she says ten its an hour , an hour is 2 , 2 hours is all nite & so on .. Posted 9/12/08 10:03 AM
1stimemom	BM used to do the same thing to us all the time. I think she did it on purpouse or as a game. One time DH was working unil 10 pm after a 13 hr day and BM insisted he pick up the kids then because she had "plans". This wasw also a "favor". This was also on a week day. She called the house and was nagging me about it. I told her I was home and that she could drop the kids off sooner. SHe responded with "no, he can pick them up when he is out of work because he is their father and he should. I don't care how late it is". I responded back to that with, "He is their father, right, not a taxi service and my home is not a motel where people come and go at all hours of the night". Lets just say, her "plans" magically disappeared, she didn't go out and she never called the house again Posted 9/12/08 10:45 AM
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