Long Island Forums > Step-parents

ever feel like

Posted By	Message
anjerandunder	a glorified babysitter? like i'm on the outside. not a lot but every now and then. am i the only one? Posted 9/1/08 1:29 PM
KarenG2003	I used to, but then when it really got to me, I kind of "forced myself into" things that DH and SD did together. I also made it known that I didn't want to be left out of things that were going on in my own house! I know how you feel. I think you just need to invite yourself into their relationship when you feel like an outsider! Message edited 9/1/2008 1:39:41 PM. Posted 9/1/08 1:38 PM
hbugal	Not really but I can see how that can happen...My DH is very hands on with the kids so he takes care of all of their needs. If I dont want to take part in something I just take the time do something on my own. Posted 9/1/08 4:00 PM
cantbelieveit	Yes, there have been times. But the 1st 5 years of my relationship were spent getting used to where everyone stands in this. Don't get me wrong, there are still issues at times but for the most part everything goes pretty smooth. Posted 9/1/08 8:36 PM
KellyFG	not much anymore, but i totally know what you mean. It took me a long time to be able to tell DH that its HIS job to care for his child. Posted 9/1/08 9:06 PM
legallyblonde	I totally know what you mean. For me, I realized that from the get-go and I used ti refuse to watch his daughter unless it was on my terms and I offered. I know that sounds pretty crappy but the babysitter thing is the exact reason I did that. My situation is that my DH, while he is certainly hands on, he is also a kid-dumper (not that he would ever admit to that). I realized that shortly after dating him and there was no way I was allowing him to dump his daughter on me so he could work, fish, do whatever while I had to entertain his kid when really, it was not my responsibility. Why should I have to give up my free time to babysit? I think for the most part, my being like that made him more responsible as a parent and now, rather than dumping her on me, he'll say to me "Hey, I want to work an overtime shift this weekend. Would you mind if SD stays with you?" and of course I don't, and more than that I appreciate that he asked rather than made me to feel like I'm a live-in sitter. Posted 9/2/08 10:28 AM
lipglossjunky73	I think i would have been if I let myself get in that role - the downside is, I think i tried to avoid that so much, it stopped me from getting as close to them as i would have liked.... Posted 9/2/08 3:35 PM
Sash	I used to feel like that or my opinion/advice mattered when it was convenient but if i offered something DH didnt want to hear it was dismissed. However, like a previous poster said i forced my way and told my DH either I am allowed to be involved 100 percent or not at all. I basically said if you want me to help you raise your child and watch him than my voice needs to be hard all the time. otherwise, dont ask for my advice or help at all, it was an all or nothing. I didnt think it was fair for me to be involved at his convenience, which surely wasnt done intentionally but its easy to do it when you arent the biological parent. Just to add i am not involved in every little detail when it comes to SS but just the stuff that will help make it easier on all parties. Point is, the best thing is to be honest and open and communicate your feelings. Posted 9/11/08 12:17 AM
Sash	Posted by legallyblonde My situation is that my DH, while he is certainly hands on, he is also a kid-dumper (not that he would ever admit to that). I think all men are kid dumpers. Posted 9/11/08 12:22 AM
LIPrincess	Absolutely. She does not want to give me a card for my b-day, acknowlege mothers day or do anything to acknowledge me but every time my dh needs help with her I am there. Now, i am at the point (unfortunately) that I don't help him with her. Its sad and I love her, I am truly hoping it changes as she gets older. Posted 9/11/08 10:13 AM
anjerandunder	Posted by LIPrincess Absolutely. She does not want to give me a card for my b-day, acknowlege mothers day or do anything to acknowledge me but every time my dh needs help with her I am there. Now, i am at the point (unfortunately) that I don't help him with her. Its sad and I love her, I am truly hoping it changes as she gets older. have you spoken to dh about this? how old is your sd?? Posted 9/12/08 5:02 PM
clwp	Posted by anjerandunder Posted by LIPrincess Absolutely. She does not want to give me a card for my b-day, acknowlege mothers day or do anything to acknowledge me but every time my dh needs help with her I am there. Now, i am at the point (unfortunately) that I don't help him with her. Its sad and I love her, I am truly hoping it changes as she gets older. have you spoken to dh about this? how old is your sd?? I used to do exactly what you are doing and DH was also a kid-dumper. I've never gotten a mother's day card - his mother would freak and I wouldn't expect it anyway. I too said... it's your kid, you want him here, you spend time with him... I'm going to do something I want to do. Sorry that's harsh and I felt love for him at one time too, but what people don't get is that it's hard for the dad's to understand or see what they are doing, then there are IL's and it's just a whole conglomeration of people who make things harder. Most of us would take more of an active role in our s-kids if the drama associated with doing so wasn't there. I stuck up to my own MIL about something regarding SS that his mother caused, but in the end was SS's preference... I have a new A**HOLE from having done that which my IL's ripped me. In the end I told MIL what I told DH a while ago - you know what not my issue, you deal with it. Posted 9/25/08 11:17 PM