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My MIL once said she would never want her children marrying someone who was divorced. Both my parents are divorced, and I was a little offended. I don't think that makes me more likely to get divorced, though I think some do rush to that judgement, but I have also seen firsthand that sometimes you cannot work out all your problems, and that it is better and more healthy for everyone when some parents decide to get divorced. I have seen both my parents (who were married over 30 years) become much more happy people when divorced. To stay together just for the sake of "not giving up" just seems silly when there are some issues too large to fix.

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Posted by Kierasmom

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Posted by Cocoa

do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.

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I know that's a big concern of my MIL. She seems to think that I don't have a good sense of family values. If anything the divorce really makes me appreciate DH more. My father is an a-hole and I know that I am very lucky to have someone like him. But my MIL thinks that I'm more inclined to throw in the towel if times get hard.

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We both have divorced parents. Mine just recently and DH when he was teen. For us it's something to learn from and be aware so we don't make the same mistakes. I think we will work even harder to continue to strengthen our marriage to not put our children through what we went through.

Message edited 5/12/2005 2:38:29 PM.

I don't feel that way, but because my mom has been divorced three times, I do have this absurd fear that Craig will leave me one day and that thought terrifies me.

I've never even thought about it. I've never had anyone expect us to get divorced b/c my parents are.

Well, it never helps when I say that my parents have 7 marriages between the 2 of them.

On a serious note, if people act that way toward me, I let them know that I KNOW what it's like to grow up with divorced parents, so I know what I want for my children: a home free of all forms of abuse- regardless of whether they are raised by married or divorced parents.

Priorities are important- not the "married parents" status

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Posted by suvenR

Well, it never helps when I say that my parents have 7 marriages between the 2 of them.

On a serious note, if people act that way toward me, I let them know that I KNOW what it's like to grow up with divorced parents, so I know what I want for my children: a home free of all forms of abuse- regardless of whether they are raised by married or divorced parents.

Priorities are important- not the "married parents" status

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to certain extetent yes as someone else said, i am kind of afraid that if things get to rough that he will leave, however he (not having divorced parents) knows that this is my fear and works extra hard so i dont feel that way

my parents are married for 31 years but my DH's have been divorced for over 20. I think it has made him a little less trusting or less of a believer in the longevity of marriages but over time I think he has seen how happy my parents are and the environment i was raised in compared to his. In other words, he has now seen marriage in a diff way than he knew (he was 9 when they divorced) and I think this has opened him up to be more positive. I am kind of rambling here..what I am trying to say is before we got engaged I think he had a very diff outlook on marriage then he does now. He sees what it takes to make it work.

Interesting topic..

Not that I'm aware of, does anyone think I'll end in divorce. Except my cousin Julie, who thinks everyone will eventually get divorced!!! 87% of marriages end in divorce, she'll remind me.

I'm not worried about him leaving, I do worry about ME leaving. I absolutely will not be treated with any disrespect, as this is what I witnessed in many of the relationships that surrounded me as a child/young adult. DH is human, and doesn't always treat me w/ the respect that I want and command, and he knows that I will not hesitate if I think it's not "curable". Not to sound like a tough girl, or that I don't take my marriage seriously, but I take it that seriously. His parents are married for the sake of being married. Someone else had written that they co-habitate... and that's my DH's parents.

So, which is worse? Divorce, or a marriage that is still a marriage for the sake of not getting divorced? I think at some level it boils down to a respect issue/trust/and working together ($$)... if you've reached the point of wanting out, IMO, that means you want better for youself, even if it means being alone. I think that my in-laws see that I'm a no non-sense person and I won't tolerate baby stuff.

i swore that I would not end up in divorce like my parents did and I wound up getting an annulment less than a year after marriage. But as far as others, I dont think they expected it...

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Posted by btrflygrl

I don't think others expect of me.....I actually fear that I'll push it to that point because I don't know what a happy marriage is....

I knew for a LONG time my dad was unhappy and I had no role model for a happy marriage...so this is aLL new to me!

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