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Message edited 5/29/2005 12:46:25 PM.

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Posted by Cocoa

do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.

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I think my dad expects me too. But that's mostly because we're young.

Kev and I had had multiple discussions about this. We've decided that we're going to work extra hard - do whatever it takes not to get a divorce (both sets of our parents are divorced).

This is especially if children are involved. We both know how hard it is, and don't want our children to have to go through what we did. Now, given, we both had pretty good situations for children of divorce, but no matter what it's hard. We don't want our kids to have to deal with all the confusion, and being sent all over the place all the time.

I don't. My parents got divorced when I was older (after 20 something years of marriage) and I know my DH and I aren't them.

I got married at an older age than my parents and for now DH and I don't have the same issues they did (young parents, 2 kids, small apt, no $, etc)

Both of us are from divorced parents, mine when I was a baby, him when he graduated from college and we are going to work extra hard to make sure it doesn't happen.

But we also know that we are not them, so we will be doing our own thing

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Posted by Redhead

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Posted by Cocoa

do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.

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no actually i don't feel that at all

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To an extent, I do feel that way. I feel that since DH and I both come from divorced parents we have to work harder at our marriage because we haven't seen what a healthy, successfull marraige looks like so we have no example to follow. For myself I have to learn how to deal with the bad instead of giving up and walking away from it, which is IMO why a lot of marriages don't work out - because once things get rocky people bail instead of trying to resolve their issues.

Mine have been divorced since I was 7 and DH's are still together. I dont think people think that of us just because of my parents. But I do think that people think we will be together forever because we will work extra hard to make it work. Weve seen what divorce can do to a person and we wouldnt do that to ourselves or our children.

I don't feel that way. My dad has been remarried for almost 18 years and they have a great marriage.

But, my MIL made some comments when we were getting married that "this was forever" and stuff like that. I think she was joking, but I am not sure if it was because my parent's were divorced or not.

On a side note, I didn't take the decision lightly and waited until I was "older". I think had I gotten engaged when I was younger, like many of my friends, right out of college at like 22, my dad would have said something. My dad & mom were young when they married. My DH and I got engaged when we were 27 and married at 28. I waited, because I did NOT want to get divorced (I know noone does, but I wanted to be certain we were right for one another). I made sure he is the right one.

No, I have never felt like people expect me to get divorced just b/c my parents are. People have only said positive things to us. But there was one time when we were engaged that an unhappily married friend of ours actually said "Are you sure you two want to get married? You seem happy together now. Marriage only ruins things." I was pretty shocked!

No, and to be honest it never occurred to me, my parents divorce had nothing to do with me.
My Dh's parents are still together - like co-habitating - they don't even share a room anymore.
Again, I don't think that would happen to us either though. Who knows?!

I don't think people expect it. But I do think that my husband and I were overly cautious when we finally decided to live together, get engaged, by a house, get married. If anything, I think it makes our beliefs stronger, if that makes sense.

No I don't think about that at all. If anything I think about how it effected me & my brother and I work even harder on our relationship.

DH's parents are still together ( they got engaged when she was only 15!!!!!) so I use them as my role models!!!!

My parents were each married once before they married eachother I am hoping 3xs the charm for both of them

No, I don't find this to be the case with me.

Message edited 5/29/2005 12:46:45 PM.

i dont think so

I don't think others expect of me.....I actually fear that I'll push it to that point because I don't know what a happy marriage is....

I knew for a LONG time my dad was unhappy and I had no role model for a happy marriage...so this is aLL new to me!

I've never felt that way

I never felt that way, but then I ended up divorced. And my mother married an alcoholic and so did I (the first time). I learned my lesson well though...DH is a great guy, no chance of us having any major problems.

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Posted by Cocoa

do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.

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