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Set-Ups For Success: What We Can Learn From “Traditional” Marriage Rituals

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

I recently tried (for the umpteenth time and against logic and my husband’s better and discerning judgment) to give a acquaintance/friend a helping hand at the game of love, by introducing her to a man who was everything she said she wanted and then some…..but, only to be disappointed by her lack of interest and failure to even so much as show up and give this guy a chance.

Sure, set-ups can be “intimidating”, perhaps a bit uncomfortable, a hint daunting and perhaps packed with some “pressure” (though I don’t believe personally, any more so than flaunting your stuff in an effort to hook up with a total and complete stranger at a bar). Still, in a sense, at least you can “trust” your source and can have a pretty good idea of what you’ll be getting and/or getting into. And, as far as the experts are concerned, not only do you have “everything” to gain, and “nothing” to lose, but also stand an equal or better change at everlasting love and romance, when you let others do your “shopping” for Mr. or Ms. Right for you.

That’s right, believe it or not, old-school set-ups, though they don’t fit the mold of modern day spontaneous romance are rated as “more likely to succeed” when it comes to marital bliss, because, partners are seen as more practical, pragmatic, and with a more realistic approach toward love, romance, and marriage. And, they suggest that when it comes to “happily ever after”, this is a GREAT approach, giving us all something to think about and something to learn.

· These women and men don’t “need” a partner to be happy. For the most part, experts assert that those open to blind dates, hook-ups and even, dare we say “arranged marriages” understand that nothing in life is perfect, including a partner and they’ve realized that the sizzle will (to a degree) fizzle over time. They’ve come to the conclusion, well before most of us do, that a mate should a partner and a best friend, with enough in common to keep us happy, rather than someone to fulfill all our emotional needs. And, since these ladies and gents have decided to be responsible for their own success and happiness, they tend to harbour less resentment toward their mate for not being able to fulfill the impossible.

· These couples don’t typically sweat the “small” stuff. Realizing that those who are helping them make a love connection are being guided by “logic” rather than “lust” these couples know, right off the bat, that they won’t like everything about their partner and they don’t expect to. So, immediately they enter the “relationship” with an open mind, prepared to focus on the positives and let-go of the (trivial) negatives. Instead of focusing on his shirt or haircut (which can be changed) or even an awkward feature or quirk or two, they look at more important attributes such as the caliber of the other’s character, and appreciating what they have in common and what their differences can bring to the relationship.

· These couples get REAL about romance. In fact, they often each understand the love is something you work on and show as opposed to something you feel (which is better defined as infatuation and lust), and they accept that it extends beyond the size of the rock, the sexy lingerie and how many sparks he or she makes you feel each time you are near. Instead, these couples value their significant similarities, their time together, and the little things that they each do, on a daily basis that make life more meaningful.

Long Island Relationship Articles > Set-Ups For Success: What We Can Learn From “Traditional” Marriage Rituals

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