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Charmed I’m Sure: The Art Of Eliciting A Positive Response

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Most of us want, maybe even expect to get our way, but most of us found out (likely the hard way) that in the Real World, that’s simply not possible, at least not all the time.

Yet, experts suggest that we can increase the probability of “winning”, not by whining, but rather by honing in on the art of schmoozing.

1. Take the focus off you: While our first inclination when meeting someone is to engage them in a topic we know lots about, US, experts assert that the contrary proves to be more effective. They suggest taking the spotlight off YOU and your “agenda” and inquiring about the party you are speaking to, allowing them to disclose their wants and needs. All you have to do is listen, and start taking (mental) note of essential information.

2. Tap Into Your Inner “Cheerleader”: Rather than bemoaning about something “negative”, such as poor service, shift you focus on something positive, such as other helpful staff member or how pleased you are with the store or establishment. Being polite and complimentary makes you appear more genuine, sincere, and simply someone who has a special request rather than someone who is merely ungrateful and demanding; and people generally are more willing to assist you, even go out of their way to do so.

3. Get “ego-centric”: Gently stroke the ego, keeping in mind that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. So, if you want to get someone to do something, even when you’re at wits end, refrain from allowing your anger and disappointment to speak and instead point out the positive. Try appealing to the ego and making it clear why you “NEED” his/her/their input or help and how having it will improve the task or project. This terrific tactic will take the focus off you as being the “aggressor”, and instead shine a light of compassion of your request and/or plea.

4. Keep It Timely: Not only should you wait for the right time to approach someone, but also realize that time is precious, so keep your requests short and sweet. Offer a bit of background information and then get straight to the point. This also shows that you value your time and are a smooth operator who is aware of the value of not wasting anyone’s valuable time. Plus, you’ll seem more confident. The longer you take to make a point, the less credible you’ll appear.

5. Lead with diplomacy: Experts suggest thinking like a leader. Besides being informed you’ll have to have a sense of timing and style to successful convey what you know. Consider an informative approach rather than an “I told you so” approach. Again, focus on the positive and stroking the ego, intelligently.

6. Be “too nice” to say no to: Remember to treat everyone with respect; it makes it more difficult for them to turn you down if you establish a good rapport. Put this in practice by making “small talk” with those you work with or do business with, even with friends and family, just as a means of keeping in touch. Your concern for others will translate into their concern for you.

7. Learn to be a “smooth” operator: Here are just a few ways you communicate your needs more effectively.

· Speak “slowly: Keep in mind that a calm, soothing voice and relaxed approach put others at ease and people will be more inclined to discuss things with you and work with you, especially since they won’t feel pressured or threatened.

· Keep yourself open: Refrain from crossing your arms and legs, it only makes you look distant, disinterested and unapproachable.

· Up close and personal: Without violating any special restrictions think about leaning in with your upper body toward the person and keeping eye contact. This helps draw the person into the conversation.

· Grin and bear it: Put on a sincere smile and not a big, fake grin.

· Become a mirror image: Try to mimic subtly the other parties stance, facial expressions, etc. It helps foster a closer connection.

Long Island Relationship Articles > Charmed I’m Sure: The Art Of Eliciting A Positive Response

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