Man-Made: Tailoring Your Love For A Successful Relationship

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Whether we are looking to find a good, rewarding, solid, and secure relationship, or are actually in one, there is often a fine line between what we want, what we think we want and what is really and actually best for us and what we need.

In fact, lack of respect and appreciation is a key culprit plaguing modern day relationship even before they start.

Let’s fact it, we live in a technocratic society where instant if not instantaneous gratification is constantly at our disposal. In fact, it often blurs our concept that anything worth having or getting means it’s also worth working for.

But, having been reared in a society where “no child gets left behind” despite his/her “failure” to meet or surpass certain standards (in fact, we’ve lowered our overall standards), and with every luxury at our disposal and not much of an incentive by a good portion of parents to encourage offspring to go out and make it on their own, we have come to EXPECT that we DESERVE everything we want on a silver platter. And, that according to experts is an attitude that is adversely affecting our lives and most precious relationships.

For women perhaps the toll is greater. Having been confronted with rising above and surpassing the frequent belittlement, disrespect, and often “abuse”, the new attitude call for NO acceptance or anything inconvenient or slightly intolerable.

In fact our new and improved world view has potentially and irreparably damaged our ability to love and be loved.

We look for a man who is caring, sensitive, a hard worker, respectful, and so on and so forth and yet we remain displeased and dissatisfied when we find him and/or make him our own.

We murmur about his limited time (at home) while he’s out working yet complain when he’s home, that he’s not out earning more (for us). We gripe about his lack of energy after a long days work, about him being possessive or not caring enough. In fact, both husbands and wives in modern-day marriages want it all.

But, having it all is impossible, especially since we don’t have room in our lives for it ALL. In fact, some of the things we classify as critical are actually quite trivial, with experts noting that success (in relationships) and marriage is as simple as focusing on the efficacious and doing OUR part.

Rather than look at all the things your mate is NOT, experts suggest trying to remember that no one is perfect, that the grass SEEMS greener on the other side, and trying to focus on all the things he IS.

Among key considerations should be:

· His commitment to you and the relationship

· His ability to love and respect you and NEVER physically hurt you.

· His ability and willingness to provide for you and your family

· His apparent and obvious fidelity

· His attempts (even if sometimes meager) to make you happy, please you, empower you, encourage you, and basically meet your overall (wants) and needs.

Once you’ve found that (or most of that) than you can rest assured that you’ve found something special for sure. But, they caution about being too sure that things will remain the same despite YOUR actions and reactions to and in the marriage “game”.

Keep your love alive by fanning the flames and practicing what you professed in your vows.

1. Maintain A Thankful Heart And Spirit: Sure there are plenty of fish in the sea, but how many were you able to catch before you met your mate, and how many of those did you or did you want to throw back. Be grateful and show it. Even make a list of what you have to be thankful for (in your mate), making a conscious effort to show him admiration and appreciation, and being the impetus behind his courage to do or try new things, taking the relationship to an even greater level, which in turn should win him more appreciation and praise.

2. Reflect The Positive: We all know what we want in a relationship, what we need and what we are NOT getting. Rather than complaining experts suggest that we take responsibility and doing unto our mate what we (secretly) hope they will bestow unto us.

If it is more attention you desire try leading by example. And the same holds true for rekindling intimacy, fun, and romance. Take the lead and give your mate enough opportunity to not only acknowledge it, but to follow your lead and altruistic example.

3. Massage His Ego And His Pressure Points: Understand that your man may be torn among several obligations and ways of pleasing you. The last thing he needs is added pressure and unrealistic expectations from you. Sure you’d like to go out to dinner and dancing on Friday, after a long week of work, but if he has to work late or simply has NO energy, you need to not only be understanding, but also ready, willing, and able to find a solution that will accommodate him. Take the stress and pressure off by doing something special for him, even if it’s a simple as giving him a day or night off to just do his thing.