Hard conversations can be helpful if done right

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There are times when it's necessary to confront someone, demanding a change or ending a relationship. People do almost anything to avoid difficult talks, even to their detriment.

It is possible to have difficult conversations without hurting people, says Bruce Patton of the Harvard Negotiation Project, which studies conflict resolution. Patton, co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (Penguin Putnam) says:

* Be clear about your feelings and what the problem means to you.

* Consider the other person's view.

* Instead of casting blame, see how you both may have contributed to the situation.

Never measure the success of a conversation by the other person's response, but by how well you did in saying what is right.

The always-late pal: You feel disrespected, but you can also realize that some people aren't very cognizant of time. And you added to the problem by keeping quiet.

Tackle it now, saying you feel slighted and you would appreciate her being more considerate of your time. If she thinks you should just chill out, be firm. Say it's about respecting each other's needs and ask if she can accommodate yours.

The boss promotes someone else: Don't see the boss when you are angry. You'll get more information by using a calm approach.

Say you were surprised at the other person's promotion. Open the door for an explanation. Ask if your self-assessment is off or if you've done anything to anger higher-ups. Tell him you want to work on any weaknesses he may see so you'll be considered for the next promotion.

Long Island Development Articles > Hard conversations can be helpful if done right