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We Hear You Knocking, But You Can’t Come In: Fitting In Family, Friends, And Alone Time

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

The one thing about starting a serious relationship in my young adulthood is that while you were busy “playing house” (yes, even as a married couples, generally not yet homeowners nor parents), you were also often busy “playing” as friends and family remained (at least initially) eager to do things, even at the spur of the moment.

But, along with the good, sometimes came the bad, such as phone calls, or, worse yet, unannounced and unexpected visitors at less than opportune times. From moments of intimacy to time to unwind, many newlywed couples NEED and WANT time alone and together to unwind, but can sometimes be subject to a newfound popularity impinging on their relationship.

So, without alienating anyone, especially those you love and respect the most, what’s a couple to do?

1. Frat House Fiasco: You move into a new apartment, house, and/or neighborhood and people are eager to stop by and see you and your new pad, even perhaps bring over a housewarming gift or two. And, while you appreciate the company, you’d also appreciate ample notice as well as a reasonably timed visit. And, what you don’t expect is a rush of pals ringing your bell and deciding to stay for the weekend or worse yet, “indefinitely”.

With that said, experts suggest letting friends know that you appreciate their visit but being upfront about asking them about the length of their stay. Express that you are busy and that your (new) lifestyle does not allow for time off or entertaining. And, if your guest insists on staying longer than you’d like or are comfortable with make sure he or she understands that (past a certain point) he or she will be expected to pitch in, to respect YOUR schedule and routine and should make definite plans to leave, and perhaps visit again. For extended guests you may want to have a spare key they can use to conduct their life, while you continue to conduct yours. As far as private time is concerned, simply close your bedroom door and discuss your day, watch your favorite show(s) and take advantage of the extra alone time together.

2. All In The Family: Whether it’s your mom, his, or both, chances are the folks will want to make plans with you, visit, have you over for dinner and just chat.

Experts asset that while it (initially) may all seem a bit overwhelming and intimidating, it WILL slow down (over time) and that there is no need to be dismissive and/or frustrated and rude. In fact, they suggest you acknowledge that they are only acting out of love, are trying to bond, and that’s its best to try to accommodate them.

Furthermore, experts suggest that the spouse in closest relation to the parent discuss the issue and the plan with them, and is the one to set the standard and the limit. And they recommend setting aside some time and effort for making an effort (to keep in touch) of your own. Remember, once you got married, your became family, treat each other’s with kindness and how you’d want to be treated and/or others to treat your own.


Long Island Relationship Articles > We Hear You Knocking, But You Can’t Come In: Fitting In Family, Friends, And Alone Time

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