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Top Priority: Being The Best Mom You Can Be:

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Lots of people confuse mothering with smothering and independence with deprivation. Parenthood is a tough job and needs balance in all the right places to make both you and your family happier people past childhood and into adolescence and adulthood. The trick say experts is learning how and when to give and when to receive, when to be indulgent and when to say “no”…but first, professionals point out you have to know what makes YOU happy before you can effectively devote yourself to making others happy, especially your children and your family.

Guilt Free Relationships: By the way this DOES NOT give you carte blanche for being indignant and selfish.

· Know what YOU need and don’t be afraid to ask for it or go after it. Let go of the guilt for making time for making you a priority.

· Have a sense of purpose outside your family and your children. If you can’t make yourself “proud” and happy, you’ll eventually fail at making your family proud (of you) and happy.

· Know what you want to accomplish as a mother. Raising a responsible child (adult) does not mean you have to be so giving and accommodating that you can’t establish a healthy sense of balance. Define you style of mothering based on your personal aspirations for your family, and don’t be afraid to model yourself after those you admire or have been successful.

Motherly Love:

· Don’t confuse quality with quantity. Instead of how much time you spend with your kids, try to focus what you and your child/children “do” with that time. Is that time use to educate, bond, communicate? Remember, it’s most important you give yourself and your children your very best of you.

· Let go of the reigns. Children independence but always we willing to work as a team (if they need you…how else will they learn). Teach them that their opinion matters (as much as yours), and that they are capable of making decisions and doing things on their own.

· The art of saying “no” doesn’t means knowing when to delegate and having the capacity to ask for and accept help (even advice) without feeling like your loosing control or feeling guilty.

Live and Let Live:

· Learn to have a life, so you can impart the same values on your children. Get up and out of the house and do something that’s important to you.

· Learn how to rekindle “old” feelings and passions that you had pre-children. Take care of yourself and “demand” that others take care of you.

· Redefine compromise and neglect. There’s a big difference between setting some time aside each day for your own passions and enjoyment and another to decide to abandon everyone else’s feelings or to miss your child’s play because it “interfered” with something you’d rather do.

Express Yourself:

· Be clear with your family about your wants and needs and ask for their respect and support. Be conspicuous about how (you feel) it will help you be a better wife and mother.

· Continue to exhibit interest and support for your family without neglecting their needs and your responsibilities. This will continue to give them confidence that this is the best choice for you.

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