Passion Police: Bedroom Maneuvers That Should Be “Illegal”.

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

So now that you are officially going to be sharing EVERYTHING including your bed on a daily basis, it’s likely you want to become a master of seduction, especially as you prepare for your honeymoon and your honeymoon phase. Heck, let’s face it even if you’ve been married for years, the one place most guys want to keep the sparks flying is in the bedroom.

But, according to experts (and women alike) most men make the mistake is presuming that all women need the same buttons pushed and it’s likely that YOUR fantasy doesn’t measure up to her reality.

So, Casanova, before trying to be beguiling in the bedroom, here are a few “smooth” moves that may sack your attempts in the sack.

1. Twist and Shout: The idea of contorting yourself into a variety of erotic positions may have you believing that you’ll have her swinging from the chandelier, but in reality, the only thing Kama Sutra (tactics) may accomplish is some bad bedroom “karma” between the two of you, and the only thing she may be shouting is “STOP THE INSANITY”.

2. Bubble, Bubble: A romantic bath together, a dip in the pool and unwinding in the hot tub is a great way to build intimacy, but may not be the best venue for “acting” on it. While you may want your passion to be hot and steamy, submerging yourselves in a hot and steamy environment (especially those containing salt and chlorine tends to by drying, washing natural lubricants, which may just defeat your purpose.

3. Differentiating Between The Long And Short Of It: While she certainly doesn’t want you to approach “satisfaction” like running a marathon and bolting toward the finish line, she also likely her university days are over and she’s got little interest in pulling an all “nighter”. The best way to ensure you are both satisfied is learning to discern between a loving, longing gaze and one that says, “how much longer is this going to take”?

4. Squeeze Play: There’s definitely a difference between “aggressive” sex and assault and battery. While you don’t have to treat us (or the girls) with kid gloves, there’s probably better ways and means to make us scream. So boys, get a grip on your grip.

5. Rush Hour: Make a mental note; WE don’t think about sex as often (or in the same way) as you do, not even when we see a hunky guy in a “seductive” show or commercial. So, just because you’ve turned the lights down low and you’re turned on, doesn’t mean we are. Nor can we “get in the mood” as quickly. Instead of trying to jump into bed and into action, make intimacy (and foreplay) the main attraction. Remember life in the fast lane may not be the best (or safest) route to the finish line.